Please give me an honest criticism.

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I am thinking of publishing some of my works,
Please give me an honest criticism.
Can you feel the words?
How does the Poems make you feel?
what Poems did you like the most? what ones needs much more work?
If you was to rate my works on a scale of 1-100 how would you rate them? (Individualy)
How do you think they can be improved?
Do you think I have what it takes to make a good writer?

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In My Dreams (Aug-2008)

How long have I waited for you baby,
Your the girl of my dreams
and I want you all the time,

I can not live without you baby,
Your the air that I breath
and what my heart beats for all the time

how can I go on girl when your my sun shine
and without you my world is in darkness all the time.

I have waited a life time for you baby
and I can not just wipe you from my mind.

The pain is so there girl and it haunts me even in my dreams
I feel I could just die with nothing left to breath.

The pain of seeing you every day girl,
there yet so far away.

Knowing I can never again feel your loving touch,
except only in my dreams.

Knowing there is no one else out there meant for me,
My soul bleeds girl, with love now only in my dreams.

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The Requiem (Jul-2008)

Troubled soul how long have I awaited for thee,
Troubled from the search for one soul like me.
Troubled from the ideals and expectations seemingly not found,
when its all a work in progress there in each other yet to be found.
each soul is bound in a life time, fated to know anther,
but sometimes one is just not ready for the other.
a life time may come and a life time may go,
but eventually fate writes the book for us each other to know.
one can only fear that there is but one life time to share,
wanting to fight for that which is twine hearts to desire,
but sometimes in the end all one can do is pray for a new trail,
to wait for the next life in hopes of that which our hearts desire.
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Magica Lost (Jul-2008)

The Magic of Amory is no more,
ever a dream out of reach, out of time, all gone.
A dream with soft leopard spots and painted things,
playful moments out of the rain,
of smiles and pretty things,
of children playing together happily with their things,
of moon lit walks without a pain or a care,
of warm hearts willing to share.

The garden of life grows little more,
with but a young cherry tree growing at its core,
but as that young tree doth grow it fills my soul.
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Dawn (Jun-2008)

Hush O child O mine,

A great greyness befalls our human race,
In the twilight of our dreams our hearts desires brings our fall,

but there in you O child O mine, Lies the hopes of our kind,

I sing of our joys and loves and hopes in you,
as our dusk is drawn with a sad sweet tune,

I sing of joys and loves to you,
as hope springs forth from your own hearts light,
bringing a new dawn to our own fallen souls.

I sing of our hopes and dreams of you.
as you dream your own dreams of tomorrows bright and true.

So Hush O child O mine, for each generation is our hopes in you,

evil from the grave will come,
as your own child will bring you hopes and dreams of a new dawn,

a new dawn in you.
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Never Alone (Jun-2008)

O babe O Child O mine,
You Have inherited my and your mothers curse,
but worry not, I give you my heart, And if I could my vary soul,

I shall take your hand, and take away your fears and pains,
And I shall always be your friend.

Ye shall not forget my name,
as you count the many moons of your days,
for as many as you can count,
even more so of your tears and fears I shall wipe away.

Fear not a lonely world my child,
for now we know what we must do,
and beside each other we shall walk
and you need not fill my shoes,

Come now come now my child O joy of mine,
yes we are different from others in the world,
but each of us are unique unto our selves,

you are not alone in your darkness,
just reach out and take my hand,
and let us lead each other into a good future,
of shared moments and happy things.

I will never hurt or betray you if you let me in.
Let me guide you, let me take away your fears,
and wipe away your tears.

I shall never lie to you O joy of mine,
evil over shadows every corner of our world,
but its withen your own hopes and dreams that brings out the dawns in you,
as you are a dawn in my life too.

but for now hush and sleep O child O mine,
as I hold you with my joy and love and hopes in you.

As long as I live in you,
you shall never be alone
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Forgiveness (May-2008)

Children learn what they live.
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Please Forgive me my child,
I can feel your confusion and your pain.
I am sorry you do not yet understand nor probably ever will
why your parents are not whole or the same,

but what I can show and teach you
is Forgiveness and understanding,

the world is not always fair or true or kind, but with you I shall
always be true and I shall never forsake you or your trust in me,

I shall not lie to you my child or turn you away,
grey evils shadows the dawns of our lives,
even eventually taking me from your sight,

but my love and hearts desire shall always be within you to share
with your own hopes and dreams someday.

just because things with your mother or I could not be right or true,
does not mean that someday it has to as well be true with you.

Yes there will be times your heart will break,
but you will live and move on to better things,

but through those pains perhaps then you will understand,
understand the true power of forgiveness in your own hearts offered hand.

and how it is and why I can forgive your mother,
without truly understanding the how and why it had to end.

I love you my child..
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Yellow Rose (Aug-2007)

Silent is the yellow rose as it drops its petals before a young snow,
feeling the winters come she sheds her petals before the storm,
If I could I would take her home and keep her safe and warm,
Aw to smell that sweet sent of her tender blooms with that burst of color year round,
If I could I would make warm all the winters of the rest of her days just to have her near me.
But that's not life, each winter has its own for the each of us, some longer then others.
and to keep her safe in my garden would be to deny her that freedom of her soul.
her blossoms would never be as aplenty or bold as when their free to be their own soul,
If I truly want to see her happily at her best,
then in my heart I have to let her go.
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Dreamy ( Jun-2006)

what are you day dreaming of my dove,
knights in shining armor, grand adventures in love,
could you be just tiered of the day wanting it to drift away,
or is it you just want to listen to my sweet words dance for a day,
perhaps its all the above, or none in any between.
but it leaves me wondering my dove.
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Waisted Time (May-2006)

Awe the thing of it all,
work today and like yesterday and tomorrow,
dreams come and go but life remains the same,
working for the man it seems it's never going to end.
pretty as you are the years tick on by,
time passing so quickly its here then its gone by,
but i shall wait for you to have time for me my love,
for all we have is time and our memory's and our shared lives,
even until were old and grey I shall always be for you.
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The Wind (Auburn) (Jan-2005)

In the twilight of a new day I watch as the wind gently plays
and dances through my sweet Lady's auburn hair.

whispering this way and that with a wonderful dance that wraps its self around her,
tenderly embracing her while caressing her in every place to be known.

As I watch My heart starts to envy's the winds touch,
holding her so close and tenderly with but a warm breath,

To nibble her delicate delights with tinder kisses while her giggles
carry on my lips and her smiles become merciful kisses.

Her sweet warm breath dancing in my air as I breath deep her essence unto my own,

To caress those soft tender places with such invisible passions.

Deep into those Divine pools of heavenly brown eyes I would fall,
As she warms my heart with whispered dreams of things yet to come.

Aw, if I could only be the wind but even for a moment or two.

Such envy is my own.
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Naughty Things (Dec 2004)

ow these naughty things i feel, can they be real?
this girl is shining through to me, her smiles so bright and her wanting lusts for my words a delight,
ow how i would love to touch her soul and be body with my body's rhythm and flow,
tender hearts touching and becoming one in the darkest of the midnight sun.
i touch my self thinking of the things she could do,
Like holding me tight in the deep twilight,
or looking at me just right making me exited the whole night.
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Talented? (Dec-2004)

Hmm, i tell my self i am talented with a vary poetic soul,
but what my words do no see is what the others think of me,
is it good to tell a yellow haired girl that her hair is like
the finest silken gold?
or would that be to rude and presumptuous of me?,
maybe I should give up and grow up from this feast of words to
whom maybe only my mind feeds and no one's heard. naaaa
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Firebirds (Nov-2004)

We are the Firebirds flying high in the sky burning bright for all to see,
the mountains and valleys below us and above us only sky,
the songs we sing together are from our own entwined hearts delights,
With our love we are our own starlight.

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Distance makes the heart grow fonder (Nov-2004)

As my heart fills with glad glee i look back at thee,
wishing this distance between us to vanish into the haze
and there would stand you and me,
together hand in hand for all eternity
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The Burden (Nov-2004)

it brings a smile to me knowing i am not alone in my search for the better half of me,
yes it creates sadness do i see, i wish i could take that burden from others like me,
this burden i am willing to bear unto my own,
If no one cares i would accept it so it would be my own,
may your darkest nights shine vary bright as i await my own tonight,
let your love light shine for all to see as i await the one for me.
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Fairy Ring (Oct-2004)

A longing came unto my heart and has since remained,
A beautiful soft blue magic shining into my being,
a running stream of love no doubt calling out my name.

but when I awoke it was unto the darkest of nights and of empty things,
The magic touched my shattered heart from the depths of my soul,
a longing came unto my heart and I fell unto its dream as a lost soul,
a colorful dream of someone like you, a love that time never drew.

I took a candle deep into the night, and found my self a fairy ring,
there in I called aloud for a wish to be true,

I called out for you, and then I lay me down in the fairy ring
and ate of its fruits and pretended the dream would come true,
forever to sleep once again dreaming of you.
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Love in a meadow (Oct-2004)

Together in a spring meadow if you run i shall catch thee,
making you giggling while i make love to thee,
smothered in a thousand kisses as passion fills our vision,
day turns to dark delights while time fades out of our sight,
two impassioned souls entwined becoming as one while the
scent of the wild flowers fills our lungs.
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The Wind (Gold) (Sep-2004)

I watch as the wind gently dances through my Lady's yellow hair and threw the fields just as gold,
whispering this way and that with a wonderful dance that wraps its self around her cloths,
so tenderly caressing her fragile skin as my heart starts to race with the wind,
to hold her so fragile and light with but a whisper of my own delights,
to feel her breath upon my skin, to know the touch of her hair in my wind.
her giggles carrying on my whispers while her smiles are my kiss all the while,
to nibble the scent of her sweet delights while dancing in her hair.
to look into her heavenly blue eyes i would fall deep into her pools of plunder.
to showers her with kisses so light that soft petals would not be nearly as delight.
I would cuddle my self around her whole being holding her cherished and safe.

I envying the wind, but I am happiest being close to her soul.

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Blue Eyes (Aug-2004)

With baby blue eyes you look at me as I stumble stunned before beauty.
what is this i see? what wonders so do look at me?
I am stunned and beside my self in wonder and awe,
As why Such a goddess as you would bless me with your view.
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Shattered Pieces of me (Feb-1999)

every second of my life i live another dream, wondering what it would be like
with the girl of my dreams, many forevers trouble my soul as i lay in wait for
the one who binds our souls, forever turns into yesterday and tomorrow but another
dream, will this last forever this i do knot know, for today I may hang on to yet
another dream and tomorrow my very soul, shattered peaces of me i reflect in thee,
but that's because i no longer know who is of me that is waiting in the forever
of the darkest nights and brightest days of my soul.

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Cold mountain rapture (Sep-1991)

As i sit and look up at a mountaintop high,
soon to be covered with snowy peaks deep and wide,
i weakly smile as i look at my redrum that I have kept by my side,
soon the snow will fall silent and true,
covering that mountain and changing its hue,
when the snows come i may go camping before its all through,
drinking my fill of my redrum and sleeping the whole storm through.
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A Gypsy heart (Sep-1986)

My love, i know your soul is out there, feeling your heart beating as one with mine,
i know your out there. somewhere in the darkness, a mystery on time,
how can i give up hope when my heart bleeds to know you, i shall wait here a while,
pondering your sweet scent unseen, A tender caress felt, i shall wait here a while,
just to dream of hearing your voice smiling back at me, i await for you,
even if it takes death and a new beginning, i shall be here waiting for you,
i have nothing but time ow sweet forever of mine,
i shall ponder here for but a while to catch my breath and look around,
my gypsy soul is only gypsy to find and know you, come feel my embrace my love,
i await for you until the shadows forever turn to dust and dark sorrows begin to rust,
don't give up hope on me my love, don't let my love stay nothing but a dieing mystery,
you know me through that in which you own heart beats,
its like firewater that never stops burning, searching,
sleep well my love and dream of me as I dream of you,
we may find our selves not ready in this life time, but the next it may be true.
for we exist and eventually our fate will be due.
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Pieces of me, The river (Apr-1984)

No, you don't understand, like a shattered bottle buried deep in a rivers sand,
shattered to dust i feel my soul am, but if taped I am full of the rivers never
ending heart that i am, can you picture that and if you can,then you know another
puzzle of who and what i am.
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Very nice poems! Good to be read for relaxation only the birds' singing, the stream murmuring and the wind whisper are missing...

get a publisher!! !! !
'Never Alone' brought tears to my eyes, beautiful piece of work. You are a talented writer and your work should be published!