How to tell if a girl is interested in you

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I don't know if she was after a one-night stand or not. I just found it weird when she rubbed her chest against me, that sounds like a strange thing for a girl (unless she wanted to slow and then I guess it is inevittable your bodies have contact)

I would feel less bad about the missed opportunity if she wanted a one night stand. I am more looking for a girlfriend rather than sex, so if she just wanted sex then I don't really care about the missed opportunity. If she was after a serious romance however, then I must say it is a pity she never emailed me back so that we could get to know each other for real.

I've had a girl do the same thing (dance close, rub on me) and even ask me back to her house, but she apparently wanted neither a one night stand or a relationship, just a private dance partner to make out with. I think as a general rule, any women you meet in a club atmosphere are going to be hard to read, because they're probably half drunk. If they are, whatever they say and do that night isn't going to be the same thing they think the next day. Having little experience with such women, I don't know what they expect. From what I hear from other guys I know, a lot of them are looking to just "hook up," so that's not uncommon. It doesn't sound like your girl was after romance. She probably just wanted some fun, and thought you were cute. That's not to say romance couldn't have developed, but it probably wasn't her immediate agenda. The only advice I can offer in such circumstances is to do what feels right, and play it cool. Think 4 times before you say anything. If nothing else, this episode should illustrate that you are appealing to women. That the girl initiated contact with you is a pretty big deal. If she felt that way, there are likely plenty of others who simply aren't as forward. Just keep at it, and you'll get better.

I don't think one interested girl in several years would make me "appealing" to be honest but maybe that's just my low self-esteem.

You are probably right in saying that a pub is not a good place to meet interesting girls. But what place would be? In a pub, I guess many people look there because it is a social place with a lot of people packed together.

It's fairly unusual for girls to hit on guys, so it's a good sign, anyway.

I wish I knew where to meet interestig girls, too. I see people dating them, and wonder how they met. It's not impossible at the pub, but you have to pick your hours. If you go, don't go on Friday night or any time it's really busy. That's "hook up" night. Try earlier hours or weeknights. The pub is appealing because it's an environment where people are allowed and expected to chat up one another. The same dynamic isn't present in a coffee shop or bookstore, which is unfortunate, though I'm sure it's possible to pull off if you're smooth. Online dating has been fairly productive for me, but it has its drawbacks, too. I live in a small town, so most of the other profiles are girls I have no interest in. It seems like, in real life, most people meet each other through common friends or coworkers, which I have few of. All you can really do is find places where there are girls you're interested in, and become part of the scene there.

Safire:

Good point, the difference between legs crossed and legs clenched is of great importance, legs crossed with one leg facing away can be neutral, its when legs are clenched that you're getting a definite IOD.

jfberge:

Is that what you heard on "The Pickup Artist"? It sounds like what people new to pickup do (and nothing wrong with it either, its good to start off in places where the atmosphere isnt as aggressive). But yeah, a lot of people meet in clubs. For most guys, its just chance, but some guys have real good game and can make things work to their advantage. I'm not sure how much Mystery covered in his TV show, if you (or anyone for that matter) want to more, feel free to PM me.

Are you sure about that? I mean, uncomfortable and disinterest, while related, can sometimes be two separate entities. I remember one time, a friend and I were playing Halo 2, and I began freaking out. He thought it was something to do with the game (i was getting my butt whooped), but when I investigated it was this unrelated gadget that was emitting a very high-pitch tone that was screwing with my head (the top of my hearing range is a couple thousand Hz above the average human), and it was making me lose focus as well...

Ok, so while that example was a really bad analogy more fit for aspies than for NT's, the concept still exists (a woman may be uncomfortable because of something completely unrelated to you, and may not even realize you are there at first...)

No, just my own observations. There are fewer people out on weeknights and early weekends, but it's quieter, so you can talk to people, and the atmosphere isn't so frantic. The few times I've had a good conversation with someone have been on weeknights. I probably meet more people on weekends, but they're not my type.

That's true it may be something unrelated making her uncomfortable... or she might be really cold (I clench myself into a ball when I'm really cold) but it's most likely she's uncomfortable. You may or may not be the cause so don't give up the minute she shows some small sign. Just be aware of it and try to modulate yourself if you notice she starts giving signs of discomfort, of which clenched legs is one.

Today, shortly after class, I noticed an iranian girl sittng in a chair near the library entrance studying. She looked up at me as I looked around and I recall smiling slightly and she looked back at me and smiled in return. I sat down a few chairs away; wanting to stare at her in admiration but I refrained(Im sure it was TOTALLY obvious though)by staring off in a different direction. As I was sitting I would glance occasionally and I noticed her touching her hair frequently-sort of brushing it back with her left hand the way girls sometimes do. Ive been told that when a woman does that-thats a nonverbal cue of sorts. So then I got up, went off to study and then walked passed her she looked and I looked and I say her smile at me and I smiled in return.

Yes, I think she was showing she was interested in you (I don't know how much but certainly some - touching hair is a preening behaviour)

Hey there! I think I can break this down for you.

This girl was into you in a huge way. I remember when I first stared to learn about pickup techniques (aka normal social functioning) I got really really mad. These guys were a bunch of a-holes, manipulators, etc. The reason I was getting mad was because I subconsciously began to realize all the missed opportunities I had with girls I had had crushes on. I was so wound up and afraid to display any type of sexuality that I just acted as if I was a eunuch. As a result, I was able to interact with women, but never telegraphed any kind of interest in them as sexually arousing people.

I realized in retrospect that these women were THROWING themselves at me, and I was utterly oblivious to it! Aside from IOIs, there are conscious things women do to try and elicit attraction, like "pose" in front of you for no reason, keep walking back and forth in your line of sight, bending over for little to no reason (NOTE: This is a great way to tell if a woman is comfortable with you. If she drops something, does she squat down while facing more or less towards you and get it, or does she bend at the waist?).

These signals tend to escalate the LESS they are reciprocated! These girls think they are being kind of slu*ty and forward when they consciously do this, and us poor AS guys have no idea.

So, back to your example, this is how she saw the interaction:

She sees you by yourself, which she took as confidence. Notice that women can't even pee alone, much less go to a bar solo. That makes you THE MAN in her eyes. Factor in the makeup, and she sees a man who is an individual, who plays by his own rules. A rebel, even. She thought you were worth the risk to her ego.

Women evaluate men on a whole different level than the way men evaluate women. It is more about STATUS than looks. It is much better to be an ugly confident man than a good looking doormat.

Second, she was so attracted that she invited you to dance - not once, but TWICE. This is MAJOR, dude. The reason that women go for subtlety is that they worry about how other girls will see them, and they are worried about being thought of as desperate, so if a woman approaches you like that, she is WAY into you. The fact that she did this twice means that if she had any more alcohol in her system you would have been raped right there on the dance floor.

Now, here is where the AS comes in - you are not telegraphing via body language that you like her back. She is chasing you, and she thinks she is not measuring up. So, she keeps ramping up the "signals", hoping that you will validate and reciprocate her attraction for you. She's thinking, "why can't I get this guy to like me? Most guys are falling all over themselves and kissing my ass by now. I better try harder". (This is actually the key to pickup - get her to chase you. You did this all on your own, and you could not have done a better job! Now that you know that the way you acted turned her on and made her even more interested in you, you can duplicate that behaviour later on. This is how you end up with the best looking women, btw. All they ever hear is "you're so hot", and it bores them stupid. )

So, when she pushed her breasts into you, she was thinking, "Okay, he HAS to get my message now! I better close this deal so he doesn't get stolen away by one of my friends!"

Then, when she wanted a kiss, and you refused, she took that to mean that you thought she was disgusting and unworthy, that the mere though of sex with her repulsed you. The reason she didn't email you is because she was completely and utterly mortified and humiliated, and that she couldn't trust her instincts.

For a second, imagine that you had been the one to approach her. Imagine you thought you were getting somewhere, getting along, having a great time with a girl you were massively attracted to and all that, then when you asked for her number she all the sudden scoffed and said, "Eww, I would NEVER go out with somebody like YOU," loud enough so that everyone could hear. If that had happened to you, would you a)want to see her again or b)avoid her like grim death itself?

Not just regular rejection, but frying-pan-to-the-face rejection. Us AS types get hurt easily, but we can be just as hurtful to others without knowing it. The poor thing was heartbroken!

I think that if you put the work in, and begin to make a conscious effort to learn how body language and male/female games go, you will be very successful. You are, quite unwittingly, VERY attractive to women. Problem is, you're the only one that doesn't know it.

I found out about the whole pickup community a couple of years ago and it has helped me tremendously. It is tailor-made for AS cases.

This was always a problem for me, and I think you've posted some good IOIs. I've found a few more I'd like to post up - even one for women!

I like Mystery. This is a good video on IOIs I had never heard of, and I had heard of a bunch. These are mostly deductions from evolutionary psychology principles:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muCUvxxVNsM[/youtube]

Body Language 101 has some good tips, plus a slew of links.

Now, for the ladies...

I like to read stuff geared for women because it gives you an insight into their minds that you just can't get from men. I really just want to understand and be understood when it comes to women. Once you begin to understand the challenges they face in their world, the better you can relate to them and create a real connection.

Attraction and Body Language is a good start, plus it covers some key points that are of use to either sex, gay or straight.

Some other general indicators of male interest in women that spring to mind:

-Looking at you like he's dreaming
-Looking away quickly if you look at him (embarrassment at being "busted")
-Coming out with non-sequitors related to his achievements
-Unconscious arm-flexing to display strength
-Hostility towards other men that interrupt your interaction
-Gets worked up if you tell him about someone that bothers you, because he's thinking of kicking some ass for you
-Sticks up for you
-Offers things or favours to you, especially if something is broken and needs fixing
-licks his lips without seeming to realize
-looks in turn at different parts of your face; at your lips, your jawline, neck, ears
-flaring nostrils to capture as much of your scent as possible
-leans on something or sits down while still focusing on you; he plans to stay a while and wants to be comfortable
-teasing, playful insults, mocking you to get a reaction
-plausibly denied double-entendres (conscious) or Freudian slips (subconscious)
-any behaviour that comes off as "sly" is usually a sign as well; he wants you to be his co-conspirator in bad behaviour, nudge nudge...

And finally...

EYE CONTACT!! ! Women shovel a lot of crap about what men supposedly go for in a woman, but the number one most attractive feature on a woman is her EYES. Boobs and butts don't even come close to having the same power over men. The bigger the better! If a girl knows how to use her eyes she can pin any man to the wall. A lot of girls I see walking around have done terrible things with eyeshadow and eyeliner that make their eyes look smaller - never ever do this. Ever noticed how things that are cute, like puppies, kittens, and anything from Japan have huge eyes? Shy men AVOID eye contact for the same reason confident men lock on with it - it betrays their interest in you. It's two sides of the same coin.

And women, do not fall into the stupid trap of "guys only like women that aren't like me." The fashion industry is run by homosexuals, okay? For them, its about the clothes, and the women (even the models) are tertiary concerns rather than primary concerns. Men do not like 6'4" ectomorph heroin addicts to exclusivity.

Men do not all want the same woman in the way that all women want the same man. Men do not choose who they are attracted to. Personally, I'm a fan of the big girls. Not obese, mind you, but thicker legs, a bit of a muffin top - Marilyn Monroe types, I guess. I get totally revved up by those commercials with Kirstie Alley and her redhead friend - VERY impure thoughts! I also like other body types too, but there's just something about them that hits me on a visceral level.

I think it has to do with genetics. I am a giant dude from Irish stock (think Marv from Sin City), and I guess on some hardwired genetic level I want a girl who can kick some ass and guard the rugmonkeys while I'm out. The hourglass figure makes me think of strength and femininity combined. I've found that a lot of big guys have the same tastes as I do, so don't be shy about engaging them. A lot of Black guys (who are usually big too) like bigger girls as well, so go to where they are and hang out and you'll be hit on for sure.

So, big girls don't need to worry. It isn't about size so much as the appearance of overall health that men detect. There's a world of difference between a cute little belly and chubby cheeks and rolls of oily flab, just like there's a difference between being thin and looking like you came off a weeklong amphetamine binge. If you are hygenic and healthy you are eligible.

A good trick is to identify your body type, and then look for cultures or population groups where that is considered attractive. For example, a lot of South American countries have a beauty standard where women should have big butts and small breasts, so if you fit that bill, try going to a club with a lot of Latin dudes and see how much attention you get compared to normal.

And if you are the type of girl that insists that ALL MEN only want one type of girl, shut your stupid bigoted mouth. Seriously, that is sexist and insulting to insist that we have no individuality, that we lap up whatever is put in front of us just because we are told to by THE MEDIA. Men are not the ones reading fashion magazines, okay?

Here's some examples of famous, supposedly attractive women I can't stand:

Jennifer Love Hewitt
Neve Campbell
Penelope Cruz
Andie McDowell
Natalie Portman
Paris Hilton
Nicole Ritchie
Geena Davis
Cameron Diaz

of course no one likes Paris Hilton... some people just think it'd be their best shot at getting laid by a celebrity... and they're probably right. :p

If she were in a short skirt and sitting in front of you with her legs spread wide apart, I would take that as a welcoming sign.

Otherwise, I would have no idea what to make of leg language.

Are you sure about that

get rid of "by a celebrity" and this statement would be correct...

She looks like a hatchet.