"Jerks" or "Nice Guys"

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I thought that we should take the "nice guys" versus "jerks" and bring it to a poll. This seems to be a common topic on this forum, and maybe we can put the issue to rest, or at least bring greater clarity to the topic through an actual opinion poll.

Some people feel that all women love jerks. They are the greatest thing ever. Sometimes you just need someone to shove you around. Tell you how awful you are, kick you, slap you and pull your hair and make you eat dirt till you puke.

But, there may be some women who, at least at a subconscious level, really do prefer nice men who are kind, thoughtful, considerate and caring. Someone who, for example, will sit and hold your purse while you try on clothes at the mall.

Well, if you believe everything in the emails I keep getting from a chap called David DeAngelo (which I suspect is the result of my brief dalliance with online dating), a man being cocky & funny is far better than being a purely nice guy.

Why, the women who sometimes send him letters even say so! Apparently, being kind, thoughtful, caring and good in bed isn't enough...

Not all women, but a vast majority.

When I first went to school, I did an experiment. I did what I could to be a real jerk, make fun of girls, etc. I did the adult equivalent of grade school hair-pulling, glue-stealing, and shin-kicking, of course without the physical violence. I had chicks falling all over themselves for my phone number, wanting to 'hang out' etc. I turned them all down.

I went into a cool down period, then became the nice, sensitive guy. I'd still poke fun now and then, but earnestly ask and talk and listen if they were having a down period or a bad day. All the offers to hang out disappeared.

I've been single since. I just don't want to play such a game where I have to fake being a jerk, or become some sort of circus entertainer.

There's no "black and white" in this.

Some guys are "nice", some are sensible/moderate , some are outright jerks, and so on. I put myself somewhere between "nice" and moderate, though closer to moderate.

Men being cocky and funny can sometimes attract women but at other times, can just make themselves look very silly. I don't think this is any rule that works in every situation.

Well I'll think of some instances where being a nice guy isn't very helpful.

You are nice but you call someone twenty times a day.

You are nice but you follow someone around when they want to be left alone.

You are nice but you smell really bad.

You are nice but on your not so nice days you have a temper problem and hurt others that are around even if they did nothing to you.

You are nice but you find out someone's new number even though that person did not give it to you.

You are nice but even after being told bluntly several times someone is not interested in you, you continue to pursue.

You are nice and you expect sex over it and if it doesn't happen you threaten to hurt yourself.



It's not all just about if you are nice and mean. People tend to gravitate towards several traits of interests.

whoa, im actually the first to label myself as a jerk

Hello jerk. What do you do in your natural habitat of being a jerk?

ummm... Let's see...

We have the entire male population of the world divided into two classes, nice guys and jerks, and we're wondering if the entire female population of the world should be in one class or two.

There might be a tiny bit of individual variation among humans.

agreed.

From what I've noticed, there were nice guys I did not get along with and it's because along with their "niceness" came incessant whining, not leaving you alone etc..

There were nice guys I did get along with. They gave me space, had their own hobbies, intelligent and would have something worth saying.



There have even been some jerks I liked too. They had the aggressive jerk personality in front of their peers but when you had a chat with them alone, they revealed their soft side and also had the traits above like hobbies and intelligence.

The jerks I did not like were jerks non stop, bullies and so aggressive to the point of if they couldn't get what they wanted by asking they hurt others to get it.

I haven't done the experiment, but what I have observed is the same. I despise girls that go for jerks (at some level, they deserve each other), and the girls looking for a nice man are all taken.

Well I don't resent women for it. It's biological wiring, an alpha male thing. While the thing that makes us human is the fact that we have volition and can make our own choices, the biological instinct to reproduce is so powerful I don't think any of us is beyond the inherent instinctual wiring that goes with it.

One day I'll find a chick that 'gets' me, and I won't have to put on a show and be a big phony. Until then I'll keep living my life, going to school, etc.

I know it's a biological wiring, but that's precisely why I despise them: they have the emotional maturity of a she-wolf. I have no respect for men with the emotional maturity of baboons, serial cheaters, etc, either.

once again, not all men and women are the same. This is where people are going wrong. Simplified classification. NT's do this too. When you automatically assume one's gifts and limitations due to gender or their hobbies and preferences or even how they are going to respond, you aren't seeing the person for the individual that they are.

I think some of you might be chasing after the wrong women. People do that at first until they learn what their type really is after mistakes. Good luck on your journey unless you really hate all women and men. Then pets will suffice.

Well, there does seem to be a lot of that going around, and in an evolutionary context it's unremarkable.

"As for me, I would rather be a worm in a wild apple than a son of man,
But we are what we are..."

Robinson Jeffers

I've always thought of myself as a nice man. I've never thought of women in anything but a positive light and treated them with respect.

However, I've come to learn that I appear to be a jerk. Just saying or not saying the wrong thing at the wrong time will make you one. And you can't take it back.

It does not matter how you feel you treat someone. It only matters how they perceive you.

There are many "players" out there who treat women like s***. But the women think they are "nice" and will fight over them and will believe so, well after they were dumped. You can't convince them otherwise. See the second paragraph.

Being cynical, sarcastic, or negative makes you a jerk.

I voted that I'm a jerk. This post is just biased enough to make that point.

Fortunately, there are women who see through the crap and see you for who you are. Find them. Good Luck.

Last edited by LogicGenerator on 25 Nov 2007, 2:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.