how to get a girl who's way out of your league

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gwenevyn
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28 Nov 2007, 1:30 pm

I'm sorry. I thought that joking about LPP's infamous thoughts on the subject of leagues and what women want would be considered on-topic. Back to seriousness.

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Ziyaret
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28 Nov 2007, 1:37 pm

Quote:

please stay on topic. This is not a thread to argue in.

You can say that again! :lol:

So Alex, did any of the techniques described in the article you posted in the starter post help you to meet and hook up with your current gf??

alex
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28 Nov 2007, 2:22 pm

gwenevyn wrote:

I'm sorry. I thought that joking about LPP's infamous thoughts on the subject of leagues and what women want would be considered on-topic. Back to seriousness.

I should also apologize. I didn't realize that you were making a joke that actually had something to do with women (the porcupine threw me off... probably others too).

Anyway, Ziyaret, I do think those "techniques" (they're actually mindsets, not techniques) do play a part in helping guys get girlfriends. I guess I would say even before I read his article I already felt the way the author feels so those concepts definitely did help me.

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Myrkabah
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28 Nov 2007, 2:34 pm

How to get girls that are way out of your league?

/kidding
//100% KIDDING!

gwenevyn
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28 Nov 2007, 2:53 pm

alex wrote:

gwenevyn wrote:

I'm sorry. I thought that joking about LPP's infamous thoughts on the subject of leagues and what women want would be considered on-topic. Back to seriousness.

I should also apologize. I didn't realize that you were making a joke that actually had something to do with women (the porcupine threw me off... probably others too).

It's okay! My attempt at humor was more than a bit obtuse. >_<

Quote:

Anyway, Ziyaret, I do think those "techniques" (they're actually mindsets, not techniques) do play a part in helping guys get girlfriends. I guess I would say even before I read his article I already felt the way the author feels so those concepts definitely did help me.

The part I highlighted is the main reason why this article impressed me so much. Often dating guidelines (especially those aimed at men) present tips in the form of tricks that will get someone what he wants. Certainly tricks do have an effect, as the author was careful to point out. But people who foster the growth of genuine characteristics like the ones outlined in the article tend to have more enduring and more deeply rooted success than those who take the short-cut of "acting" as if they had the qualities that the object of their affection would like to see.

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Pugly
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28 Nov 2007, 3:28 pm

gwenevyn wrote:

That's why most article's on this subject are so annoying. The tricks work, if you just want to hook up and well let's just call them short term relationships...

Those who want a 'real' relationship are left wanting.

Focusing on the way you communicate is the best path towards success... I think...

If you can't even talk to women without clamming up, work on that.
If you can talk with women but they just don't seem interested, work on making yourself interesting and presenting this side in the best way possible

I'm working on the way I say things to people. I'm a curious person, this is my nature... so this helps me get to know others and be friendly. But I've found that If I ask general questions, in the just the facts way... it's kind of boring... and people lose interest. When I tweak it to find out what the other person feels about a place, not just the details... it's a warm and interesting dialog.

I have the personality to be gregarious and open... I just need to learn how to express it...

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gwenevyn
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28 Nov 2007, 4:04 pm

Pugly wrote:

...I've found that If I ask general questions, in the just the facts way... it's kind of boring... and people lose interest. When I tweak it to find out what the other person feels about a place, not just the details... it's a warm and interesting dialog.

That sounds really cool. I want lessons! I don't mean to put you on the spot, so don't feel like you have to do this... but if you could, would you give an example of a boring approach vs. the kind of approach that results in learning more about the other person's feelings?

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Myrkabah
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28 Nov 2007, 4:12 pm

gwenevyn wrote:

Pugly wrote:

I'm interested as well.

JerryHatake
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28 Nov 2007, 6:14 pm

The advice looks good and seem helpful.

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Pugly
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28 Nov 2007, 9:09 pm

gwenevyn wrote:

It's just slight tweaks, example's are abundant in school. If someone is taking a course, my normal way is to ask questions like "what kind of things do you learn in that class", "who's the professor"... if I change it to "do you like what you are learning in the class", "do you find the professor annoying." Open ended questions that are more about them and what they think about something, not the thing in particular.

Another example, let's say someone just got an ipod... I would ask detailed questions about the GB or the resolution of the screen or how much they payed for it... or the gory technical details of why I'd buy a different mp3 player. If I just ask questions about if they like the ipod, or the music on it... I don't know typing it out these seem so obvious. But I know in the middle of a conversation I have to make a mental shift to ask these questions that are more relevant to the other person.

Ideally, when they start talking... I can think up a sympathetic joke... that taps into their core feeling. Pretty much instant rapport... if I can manage this.

Most people don't care about the details or facts... but they usually have opinions and feelings about everything.

techstepgenr8tion
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28 Nov 2007, 10:12 pm

Pugly wrote:

For me this has been probably one of my biggest social challenges. Its not the fact that I can't feel on the level with people or crack sympathetic jokes when the times are right but I tend to have a real serious aversion to asking people about what they 'feel'. When I think about that aversion though, it comes from the fact that my emotions have never been in the same loop as everyone else's and when people discover that it seems like a sure fire way of losing all kinds of respect. I tend to be the kind of person who, if I applied that advice, would probably just get a lot of weird looks.

I know that I need to find ways of doing that, ie. speaking more in emotional terms, partly because I hate seeing conversations go sour because I stay too cerebral. On the other side I have noticed that I have a definite aversion to a lot of the emotions that other people seem to like most, maybe because of some horrid past experiences but regardless its very difficult ground for me to traverse without getting a lot of internal backlash.

Pugly
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28 Nov 2007, 10:22 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

Yeah, for me this has been probably one of my biggest social challenges. Its not the fact that I can't feel on the level with people or crack sympathetic jokes when the times are right but I tend to have a real serious aversion to asking people about what they 'feel'. When I think about that aversion though, it comes from the fact that my emotions have never been in the same loop as everyone else's and when people discover that it seems like a sure fire way of losing all kinds of respect. Not that I'm off point, just that I'm not in what's considered the 'normal' flow.

I definitely think I do need to find ways of doing that, ie. speaking in emotional terms, more for myself just because I hate watching conversations go sour just because I'm still grabbing the cerebral edge of things - just that finding a way where I don't disgust myself with it will be a challenge.

Yup, I was going to also add... when people ask these questions of me... how I feel about something, It rarely builds into anything great.

Either I'm really passionate, and overwhelm them about technical details and reasons and examples. Or I really have no opinion, and at best I can talk about what others have said about a subject.

I'm learning to be passionate about life situations that can be common experiences. I had a bad experience the other day when someone hit my car... when I start talking about this people get interested.

Just like a comedian can point out the strange inconsistencies in life and get laughs, you can relate to others with stories about yourself... if they are common connections. If you go off about your train collection (or whatever your Aspie obsession is) not many will relate and care about what you say.

I'm more inclined to not talk about my passions lately, perhaps make jokes about them... if they are strange. Example, I'm good at math and like math... so I just go out and say 'oh it's great... talking about math makes me very popular at parties.' thick with sarcasm of course. It's true and funny... and people laugh... and I drop the topic after that...

greenblue
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29 Nov 2007, 4:01 am

Myrkabah wrote:

How to get girls that are way out of your league?

/kidding
//100% KIDDING!

I was going to suggest something like this:

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techstepgenr8tion
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29 Nov 2007, 7:32 am

Pugly wrote:

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

Yeah, like with what you said about liking math, you mostly have to bend what your saying to meet their emotionality and what they'll most likely 'feel' about the topic. For me the greatest danger lies in the times when I feel like I need to say something just to fill a vacuum, particularly when the people who I'm around don't know me well enough to just let it go; that's usually when I risk asking "So how was work?" or something else that's pretty bad like that.

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