Do I tell her?

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If she went out of the way to say ... just as friends ... and expanded that to say ... no relationship because of work ... then she probably meant it. 99% chance nothing will ever happen, you have already been given the "friend" label and that's that in her book. There's still a 1% chance, but that's horrible odds to risk losing your present circumstances.

If you really want to know ... find another date with any girl, any will do, tell her you are going on this first date and have all of these great things planned, tell her how excited you are, lay it on thick, and then see how she reacts. That will tell the tale. The look in her eyes at that moment will tell you everything you need to know.

Hey fivecents. Thanks for your help here. I will reply in reverse order. She asked me if I thought I might have AS, and was pleased about that because I did not know how she would take it (she may have said, well, you can't do the job, naff off). She is helping me become more confident with the methods she is teaching me, and the more time I spend with a person, the more comfortable I become anyway. To be honest, the thought had occurred to me that maybe she thinks I am nuts, but her refusal to accept that I am made me think differently.

My head flits back and forth over what to do. The trouble there is, I go to sleep and have a different opinion when I wake up. I want this career to work equally as much as I would like her to like me the same way, which is annoying. I consider that an understatement.

I was thinking about this, and say it that it was something to do with my AS. I do have a back up plan, but it does involve a slight lack of honesty, and that it something that i do not like, but may have to consider it the right option.

I think, although this is no guarantee, considering my lack of expertese in this area, but I do not feel that I am sulky, more constanly frustrated at the ongoing change of thought. Also, I have a tendency to "script" things to say. If I do not see her for a few days, I have to remember things to take for her, things I have seen, ideas, whatever. My head works in complete sentences, and I pull these into life when I need them, exactly as I had first thought of them three days previous. Problems begin when conversation comes back in my direction, as that requires on the spot thought. Then I phase out, think of what to say, come back in, and sat it in a very stilted, controlled manner.

Oh, bollocks, this is it, final time, no more mind changing, I am not going to tell her. Yet. I can not take the risk of losing my most understanding friend, dream job and the object of my affections in one hit. It is not worth the brain pain. I will see her tonight anyway, and shall have to think up an escape route when the conversation turns that way. If I come back later tonight or tomorrow and say I told her, you all have my permission to air slap me.

This was another essay brought to you by the constantly thinking head of Speedy, who shall now be going to bed because he has just got in from work.

Going to sleep with one opinion and waking up the next day with a different is the story of my life. Probably a lot of people. I have trained myself to take inaction. Do nothing. Impulse control.

It is wise to not tell someone that you like them if you are not sure how it will effect your friendship and working relationship. These things take time. Perhaps ask her leading questions, such as what type of girl should you be looking for (don’t ask her what type of guy she likes. Women are on to that and she will figure out the crush), or where is a good place to meet nice women. Let her know you are actively seeking. If she likes you, she will worry about losing you to another woman and act. If she doesn’t like you, she will help you find a woman.

I was reading another thread about techniques to stop thoughts that run uncontrollably through your head. There were some good tips there. Either under Random or General or Members Only, I forget. I will be using some of those! It really is much easier for an NT to control the uncontrollable thoughts coming through the frontal lobes and out of the mouth. We still get uncontrollable thoughts.

I’d say lay low until it passes or until you are willing to damage a friendship or job. Yes, I know, you will never know unless you ask. But if you don’t ask time will tell. Be patient!

And tell her how great the show was, don't tell her what she missed. It's how you word it that makes them want it!

Hi Speedy. I've just read through your thread. In my opinion you should not tell her. She has already made it clear that your relationship is a work relationship. She wanted you to know that. She doesn't want the awkwardness that would come from knowing you like her while she doesn't reciprocate your feelings. You said she was previously seeing someone and she may also want a break from relationships for awhile.

I know it is hard for you, but it is best for you to enjoy her companionship and not push her or impose upon her in any way. She has given you boundaries and you should respect her and not cross them.

It will be very hard for you and it is good for you to think things over and talk about them somewhere safe like here. But don't put it on her. You can express your admiration and affection for her in neutral ways - be a good business partner, be supportive of her, etc.

Don't endanger your friendship or your career by making moves she's told you clearly she doesn't want. I hope what I am saying makes sense. I know it is hard to like someone and not have them like you back. I know they are always in your head and it is very hard when you are working with them constantly. If she does have feelings towards you she will make them clear in her own time. Even I as an Aspie woman was able to make it clear to my sweetheart that I liked him (and he as an Aspie was able to pick up in it lol).

It just sounds like you have a promising work life going, and a good companion. Don't tell her your feelings unless she really seems ready for them. As long as she's saying "just friends" she's not ready. If she keeps asking what's wrong just tell her you're working some things out in your head.

We had a good night on Thursday. I know I have trouble with spotting signs and empathising, but I could tell she was happy, I could feel it, too. I do not want to ruin that. I have not been able to thank her for coming with me yet, that part is going to be hard to express verbally, but I must do that.

Thanks again everyone, Speedy is pleased to be getting some unbiased support in here. Shall try to find those techniques for thinking less. Really, really could do with them.