Why do women send mixed signals?

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Well, all of these annecdotes should be a big tip-off that most women suck and aren't worth your trouble. So don't give them your time, money, or power. Make them earn it.

bit of a generalisation, isn't it?

Yes, it is, and as we all know, all generalizations are bad.

Saying that most women suck isn't a generalization. And knowing this fundamental truth should help any guy who has difficulty come to terms with himself.

Seriously, would you prefer a guy with standards or a fawning loser who will tolerate any sort of abuse?

you mean i get a choice!

lol

If it makes you feel any better, men actually do that sort of thing too, and then back off and act all innocent and claim that it was all "friendly" and that nothing was ever meant by it. I never have figured out why people do this, except that perhaps they need to boost their own ego at the expense of someone else's. It's very frustrating and humiliating.

I guess you could tell yourself that maybe she has HIV or some other horrid STD and didn't want to tell you...

If she tells you just friends, don't let the situation progress into the grey area. (perhaps tell her to put some pajamas on) I've noticed a lot of women find guys that almost ignore them more attractive than a guy who dotes. (backwards, but seems to be a common thing)

I recognize the sarcasm; but still I'd like to say that, no, not all generalizations are bad; some are even good. It's really hard to say which generalizations are good and which ones are bad when speaking generally, though.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for elucidating this distinction that SO MANY men fail to understand.

I have done some thinking about what happened with me and Heidi. I really think she was the love of my life. We both hurt each other though. But I know it won't work becuase I will freak out whenever she lights up a joint. I also don't want to prech to her, or control her, or tell her how to live her life. Thats the way she wants to live. So I had to walk away from the best thing that has EVER happened to me. We have differnt lifestyle choices. But the getting to know each other, the friendship, the trip to FLA, the growing feelings for each other. It all felt so natural, so right. I have a feeling in the back of my mind I will never love like that again. I don't know what to do. I don't know why i said this here, maybe i needed to vent. Funny thing is we never had sex, just some kissing and a little touching. But I did not mind. I just want her to be happy, even if its not with me.

Of course Vetivert.
You always have choices.
If you run out of choices in England, you could always move to Los Angeles.
I'm sure that I could find you a teaching position teaching autistic children.

She is using you as a cuddlewhore. Give her an ultimatum - Sex or no more staying over.

Cos our wires are all crossed and confuzzled.

irishmic - i am completely, positively convinced that acquiring a teacher for autistic children is absolutely the only reason you suggested that.

Nah, it was utilized to indicate the dramatic number of choices you have in your life.
We all have a tremendous number of choices in every instance.
The first, and probably biggest limitation rests squarely in our minds.
As Ken Wilber states, and I paraphrase; in an attempt to make sense of an infinite universe we all form big pictures, its important to choose your big pictures carefully.

I do have the impression that you are an amazing teacher.

oooh, another ken wilber fan!

the choice i meant was actually about men. as i never seem to have men flocking to my door, for any number of reasons, my choice is severely limited. and that includes fawning losers or a guy with standards - as i don't seem to have any to choose from, the idea of a choice is a moot point.

but thank you for the compliment re: teaching (although i'm baffled as to how on earth you could tell).