I wish I had a man that Loved me

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Kate,

Don't be hurt by the straight talk. You seem to have great teeth and hair, and a lovely face, so why go on wasting all that by being overweight?

I know how it feels, I put on a shedload of weight when I was ill from 1998 on and had to diet really drastically to lose much of it in 2006 (because I had developed a metabolic problem). Just losing that weight made me feel SO good healthwise I can't tell you, I feel about 15 years younger.

I was like an old woman with all that weight. It's not about "finding love" it's about feeling GOOD about you and happy in your skin...buying nice clothes in sales and realising....wwwwhhhhhhooaaaa...maybe there is no great rush to find a man because there are PLENTY of fish in the sea, and a lot of them seem to like looking at you...

Seeing your post has made me DETERMINED to get on with losing the rest of the weight. I'm ok now, but I want to be better than ok...

How about you?

M

Life has not really been that good to me. I have a husband who is going blind, and all he does is drinks. He puts me down all the time and mental abuses me. I tried a shelter but instead I winded up in a mental institution. You can have all the material things, but at the end I have no one to give me attention. There is no real live person to give me the attention. I mean all my huband gives me is mental abuse. I tried to go to a womens shelter and I end up committed to a mental hospital for 10 days. I have tried to commit suicide, look I am miserable. I wish I can live my life all over again.

Hello Kate,

How was life like before you were married to your husband? It looks like he abuses you and takes advantage of your free will.

Is there anyone you can talk too?

When you told the people at the shelter did they simply not believe you? How would people at a women's shelter ignore a women who is being beat by her husband?

Why did they put you in a mental institution for 10 days instead? This seems to me like lake of care on their end.

I don't know what your life was like before your husband but it seems to me like you need a quick divorce and a slow and steady boost in confidence.

Don't pay attention to what any of the straight-shooter males have said about your weight either. If you feel it is important to alter your body image then you will do so yourself; you don't need some over confident male with a pin needle telling you that you are not good enough for them.

I am a very forgiving person. I have to be in order to adapt to changes in my life and world.

have you looked into borderline dependent personalities before?

i identify with it... especially since being alone. but maybe you should make a priority of getting out of your current relationship. what would he do if he saw these postings?

I can see myself ending up all alone it's very scary. Yes as an Aspie I like alone time but to never have anyone to share things with or turn to when feeling down. I know I wouldn't last long.

My husband drank every weekend. He checked the caller id the first minute he walked in the door, he checked the mileage on the car if I went to the store...and he never failed to tell me what I could be doing better or what he thought I was doing wrong...he controlled the money, he made the rules, because he was the "man". I was basically the wh*re that should be grateful to have a roof over my head.

He ran around...but I "drove him to it". My son laughed along with dad when he was drinking about how crazy and whacked his mother was...not his fault...he just started to copy what he saw.

I hated to get up in the morning...I remember praying I would die in my sleep.

Then one weekend after I couldn't deal with any more, I went with my son to stay at my mother's. I came home and he had a girl in the house with him and a smirk on his face. Everything I had held in for years just exploded like a nuclear bomb that day. I told him to leave...and that evening I stood at the sink crying my eyes out and dumped an entire fridge full of beer down the drain one by one...and I said to myself "enough".

The first year was miserable...he moved in with his girlfriend, I was alone, my son didn't understand and blamed me...I wondered if I did the right thing...some days just sucked...but I never wavered.

It got better. My son is like a different child now...more settled and happy. I'm still alone...but it's not a bad thing...in fact it's pretty fun. I make what I want to eat when I feel like eating, watch what I want on TV, go where I want and stay until I feel ready to come home, if I feel like staying in my pajamas all day and pretending I'm not at home...I do. I still have my son to nag at me and keep me in check...he's 8 going on 58 I swear some days (mentally). I've heard that the girlfriend is now getting some of the same treatment I did at times...I don't envy her.

Kate no one can tell you when you've had "enough"...you have to make up your mind on that yourself...but there's no easy way out, it's going to be tough regardless of what choice you make or how you go about it...and it might be a long time before you start seeing that light at the end of the tunnel...but it's there...honest.

I guess it will be a long time till I see the light at the end of the tunnel. My husband is 64. the meanwhile I am only 43. He not only drinks all the time but he has a lot of health issues. I know he is not going to stop drinking. If I leave I will lose everything all the material aspects of life. He pays me no attention. He just do not care about me. I never feel special, and I just wish I can feel like that special person at least once in my lifetime. I have been with him for 14 yrs. Yeah it is a rough road. Even my kids do not want me around. Yeah lots of times I just wish I would never wake up again. That is how it is now for me. I am lonely too. I get nothing but bad attention from my husband.

I am still young I wish I had a different kind of life, and I wish I knew how to live life. I once had nothing , not even a roof over my head but I was still happy. When I got married to him, with all that down talking about me, things are just too depressing to me. I just sit there and I wonder what did I do wrong?

I never get no email or phone calls for me .

My address is
Lemon Springs Road
Sanford NC 27332

my email address is [email protected]
my phone number is 919 775-2333

I have repeatedly offered to call you and talk if you'd like. There are ways and means of going through this but needlessly putting your children in danger is not one of them. Relax and come back when you feel better OK?

hmm sorry kate, I assumed that you are a independent single mom now since you are seeking a man.
I just remembered you now , we were used to chat on msn or yahoo ages ago and I remember what you told me about your drunk husband. I remember too that are afraid to quit your husband because the laws might take your son away. I don't know much about US laws but I don't think that they would let a drunk violent father to take care of the kid instead of you.


Start with these 2 steps:

1-Seek other people to help you.
2-Search seriously for a job, once you become independent financially then you would be in much stronger position ,you won't be a hostage of your own husband anymore.


PS: Posting your coordinates in a thread is not a good idea, if you trust some ppl in WP then just PM them but do not reveal your coordinates in public.

I tried going to a womens shelter. I ended up at the hospital for 11 days. Now he has custody of the kids. I already tried it. I wish I had more options. I am also on dissability. I get ssdi 600 dollars a month.

then focus on step 2 as priority.

Kate, I cannot urge you strongly enough to edit your personal contact information out of your original post!

Please do not post your phone number and address. Any person searching for your name (which you have also provided here) on Google will find this post, and your phone number and address. It is VERY dangerous.

can you give me the website to my original post?

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt53218.html

It is the top post on this page. Click the "Edit" button and delete whatever you don't want in there.

You of course don't have to, but I said something out of concern for a fellow female.