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dreyah
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08 Jan 2008, 9:35 pm

I show love by gifts - I fail at verbally expressing my emotions.

Unfortunately I'm crrrazy practical, so I think my message of love ends up getting obscured somehow. I may notice that my 'crush' has chapped lips or something. So, in what I consider to be a daringly romantic move - I buy him some chapstick and give it to him the next time I see him. Me being me, I hand him the gift whilst staring at his shoes and mumbling some inaudible compliment. I walk off feeling very empowered, go home, and wonder why the phone never rings.

Okay so that's a minor exaggeration, but you get the idea :D



QuantumCowboy
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10 Jan 2008, 12:38 am

I show love and affection in both words and action.

I try to tell her my thoughts to her. (This is working alright, seeing as she is AS well, pun intended). :lol:

I also do actions that show her that I care. Everything from helping her move to going out of my way to spend time with her, and even meeting her family.


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JerryHatake
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10 Jan 2008, 12:31 pm

QuantumCowboy wrote:
I show love and affection in both words and action.

I try to tell her my thoughts to her. (This is working alright, seeing as she is AS well, pun intended). :lol:

I also do actions that show her that I care. Everything from helping her move to going out of my way to spend time with her, and even meeting her family.


Same here though meeting her family is questionable at the time being.


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kindofbluenote
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10 Jan 2008, 1:03 pm

I do things that are completely out of my comfort zone. Examples include making time to see her, letting her touch me, going places that I'm not comfortable, etc...

Unfortunately, while this may entail a great deal of effort on my part, and it shows my devotion, it's not even close to being enough to make a woman happy. Every relationship I've been in has failed, in large part due to my "inability to connect".

The thing is, I'm doing everything in my power to show devotion. The women I've known want the love to be shown on their terms, so that they "feel" loved, rather than the amount of effort I'm actually putting in.

I'm a believer that words are cheap. I could say "I love you" constantly, what does it matter? I can tell a rock that I love it. It's just words. I can only show devotion to a person I truly care about. And when I try to explain in rational terms what my actions represent, I get chided for not being romantic. Why would someone prefer to be told that they're loved rather than shown (and thus proven) that they are?

That's why I gave up, and don't bother dating anymore. I'll never understand people, and their interpretations of emotions.


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ToadOfSteel
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10 Jan 2008, 2:28 pm

Some women may also be put off by the constant display, though...

I, for one, used to do that, until they came up with every possible excuse to get rid of me...

Love isn't just displaying devotion to someone. I display devotion to people at work, but it doesn't mean I love them... I'm just getting paid to work.

No, love is something that cannot be expressed by rationality alone (the number 1 thing I hate about it...) I'm not talking about just physical attraction, but the spiritual connection that is created. That may be what she meant by "not connecting"...

Don't get me wrong, women don't isregard devotion entirely. You just have to moderate it (analagous to moderation of speech in a conversation that aspies have so hard...)



Simmyymmis
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10 Jan 2008, 4:33 pm

kindofbluenote wrote:
I do things that are completely out of my comfort zone. Examples include making time to see her, letting her touch me, going places that I'm not comfortable, etc...

Unfortunately, while this may entail a great deal of effort on my part, and it shows my devotion, it's not even close to being enough to make a woman happy. Every relationship I've been in has failed, in large part due to my "inability to connect".

The thing is, I'm doing everything in my power to show devotion. The women I've known want the love to be shown on their terms, so that they "feel" loved, rather than the amount of effort I'm actually putting in.

I'm a believer that words are cheap. I could say "I love you" constantly, what does it matter? I can tell a rock that I love it. It's just words. I can only show devotion to a person I truly care about. And when I try to explain in rational terms what my actions represent, I get chided for not being romantic. Why would someone prefer to be told that they're loved rather than shown (and thus proven) that they are?

That's why I gave up, and don't bother dating anymore. I'll never understand people, and their interpretations of emotions.


What you say is very true for me also. I really put myself out of my comfort zone and do all kinds of things I would never do. Unfortunately, the other person doesn't understand just how much this takes out of me, so I'm not credited with showing devotion or affection, when from my perspective, I couldn't possible do any more if I tried.

I also don't understand what 'love' is supposed to be, so I could never say 'I love you', since that would be dishonest. I believe that the things I do and the actions I make to include the other person are the deepest expression of affection that I can show.