How Do You Feel About The Words, "I Love You"?

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This might just be me, or it might be an aspie thing; hence the question.

I don't think that for someone to say "I love you," it necessarily means anything. In fact, to me, they're just hollow words, unless they're backed up somehow with specific input on why.

It means a lot more to me if someone says something like, I love you because . . . or, that's why I love you (when they're being serious of course); or if they say I love you and they show me how, by doing something.

See, people are all the time saying "I love you," and then go about doing things to prove that they don't really. They speak with their mouths and lie with their actions, and somehow think they're telling the truth.

Opinions?

Those words are sooo hard for me to get out of my mouth. I've only said it to my brother whom passed away, thats it. I think those words shouldnt be thrown around personally!

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Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated

I adore hearing those words, but I always feel that saying them to husband isn't enough. It's like they are hollow, and don't show exactly what I mean.
I am lucky enough to have a hubby who says it at least once an hour, but I wish I had something that would express how I feel better than those simple words. Anyone can say them.

When I heard the words "I love you," as a kid, I heard it like this: I love you and it's painful to love you because you're such a screw up and always break up heart and are ruining my life, What a burden it ls to love you.

So, for years after, whenever someone said, I love you, the first words I wanted to say in reply was, I'm sorry.

My wife was the first person to ever use these words respectfully with me.

Typical use of "I love you"

Person: I love you
Me:...
Person: I said I LOVE YOU???
Me:... (thinking is that a question?)
Person: you are supposed to say "I love you too"

My wife: "I love you" is not a question.

One of the many reasons I love her, she really "gets it"

"I love you" is finally a phrase in my life that means what it says, it is an expression of love, and not a manipulative "question hidden in a statement"

How do I feel about it? Feelings tend to make me uncomfortable...

I feel that unless it's coming out of my daughter's mouth, those three words are a lie.

I used to find it hard to say, until I met my partner. Now I can't say it to him enough because I feel like I can't possibly ever express to him just how much he means to me and just how much I love him.

It's a different kind of "I love you" than that which I would say to my family, which I also say a lot. I love them equally as much as him, just in a different way.

But I never had any doubts about it when they say it to me.

[quote="lastcrazyhorn"]I don't think that for someone to say "I love you," it necessarily means anything. In fact, to me, they're just hollow words, unless they're backed up somehow with specific input on why.

It means a lot more to me if someone says something like, I love you because . . . or, that's why I love you (when they're being serious of course); or if they say I love you and they show me how, by doing something.

quote]

I think that's one of the singular things that makes people with AS what we are. We don't usually have a feeling without some evidence to back it up. I guess the standard way for people is to have a feeling or emotion, and act as though it were true, without regard to the underlying reasons behind the feeling. If I'm told "I love you" I immediately think of what the person has done to show it, or what I've done to warrant it. Kind of saps all the romance out of life, I guess...

I find it pointless. My boyfriend says this to me a lot. I already know he loves me, does he have to say it again. Took me awhile to get used to it and took me a while to get comfortable saying it too but I don't say it excessively.


I never had a problem saying it to my parents and them saying it to me.

The words "I love you," are said too lightly. They always have been. To steal a phrase "love is never having to tell your partner 'I love you, even though you'd better if you do."

Unfortunately some people don't understand that. Just exactly what does "I love you," mean?

Without all that goes with it, loyalty, trust, sex, safety, support, and in some very rare cases, an acknowledgement that your lover is also your best friend, they're empty.

On the other hand......when someone says "I love you," unless it's just gasped out in bed (sorry, I'm not trying to be indelecate here)...and then it might or might not be true, it is very bad form to say "why?" Under normal circumstances, even if you're just lying in bed with them after you have sex.....or better, walking down a boardwalk (we have those in Jersey and in California....and elsewhere, I suppose).....don't question it. Love is NOT the demonstration of physical affection (or at least not to this old married man). And as one comment above said....I love you is not a question (that guy is married to a very wise woman) Remember:

Your partner probably:

1. Had a hard time saying it the first time....or as age1600 said above, have made a supreme effort and committed to an act of faith that you won't laugh at them (not that I know why it's hard for her to say, but this is me talking)
2. feel all the other things, but use that phrase to put it into words
Asking someone "why?" does the following:
1. it implies "why should you, I'm nothing to love," which is your problem, not his or hers
2. and it is throwing cold water in the face of someone who is trying to express a very deeply felt emotion.

As aspies (most of us) we have to remember that NTs (and sometimes other aspies) do not require an explanation for everything. Especially if your with an NT (as I have been for 20 years), you have to resist the word "Why?"

When my NT wife told me she was sick (when we were first married), I'd say "Oh, I'm sorry." And she'd reply "For what, it's not your fault." Which was a dash of cold water. And when I didn't say it, because I thought it bothered her, she would say "don't you care?" We worked it out, but it's the same thing with "I love you."

I'm just sayin.

Btdt

It's very easy for me to say 'I love you' but I don't really understand love at all. I care about my parents and my girlfriend a lot and I would be sad if they went away, but love has always sounded to me like it should be more lifechanging.

I've never mentioned love to any of my family. We just don't say it. I think it's obvious if someone loves you. The only person who uses the words I love you in my family uses them entirely as emotional blackmail. His actions have proved time and time again that he doesn't give a s**t.

As for romantic love, I've only had 2 boyfriends and I loved the first one for all of 2 weeks. It doesn't mean it wasn't love, just that I didn't know him very well. I was more cautious to use it second time around. I don't say it very much and my boyfriend hardly ever says it because we already know. It's blatantly obvious in everything we do.

I think it's nice to be told that you're loved, but only if you already knew. If someone you hardly know or don't get on with very well says that they love you, it's just odd and probably a lie.

I dont say it to family
I dont say it to friends
I only say it to someone I truly love, and then it means alot. but those who have said it to me, didn't mean it. which hurts. But don't let that change the meaning of the words for YOU. because when you say it, and you want to mean it, then it can be felt. at least thats what I think

It kinda pisses me off how the verb "to love" has been bastardized so much that it has lost most of its meaning. So many people go around and say "Oh mah gawd I love you!" to all of their friends and random people. Its asinine, I think. Myself? I don't say it too often.

Ok, so I'm just learning about all this aspie stuff - about myself. it's a little crazy for me to end up in a place where my behaviour is the norm rather than the exception

At any rate, my stepfather (who is total Aspie, and just found out last year), would never ever say I love you. He would say "I'm certainly not unfond of you," or "I've become accustomed to your sensory input patterns." (which if you can guess the TV shows those are from, ten bonus points). My mother would always tell us kids that he loved us - and I was always "Duh, mom. Look at how much he takes care of us. You don't need to tell ME he loves me."

Which is half of my response to the "i love you" necessity. My fiance says "I love you," and I always respond with "For what?" It's not that I need a reason for him to love me, I just need a reason for him to bother with saying it out loud.