So there's this girl...

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She's Japanese, really cute & smart, and an obsessive-compulsive workaholic like me. I have a hard time getting a bead on how social she is... She doesn't drink, doesn't seem horrendously outgoing but still seems to be with a huge posse sometimes.

There was a time when the way she looked & smiled at me seemed to change, and I think that she had become interested in me. As I've stated a number of times on this board, I have a decent understanding on how to get attention but I'm really clueless on what to do once I get that attention. In this case I pretty much tried to ask things which seemed to my mind to be 'deep' (or at least deepish), when we were chatting on AIM as we sometimes do.

Her general response was along the lines of "uh... oookaaayy..." ( I mean not overtly but I could tell thats what she was thinking). I realize its usually smarter to make a 'move' when talking to a girl IRL, but she is always ultra-busy, and when not, she seems to be with a large group of people. In any case, I decided not to pursue it any further, because she has had at least one other guy getting interested (I suppose he might have been obsessed really) with her and he ended up being more-or-less ostracized from the club we are both in. (It was for other reasons too, but still... I don't want to be one of 'those guys')

So anyway... one summer vacation later, I'm back at square one... a trusted colleague in the club we're both in, and a friend (I think.... I'm never good at seeing if my 'friends' think of me the same way I do to them). So I guess my question is, if I ever end up in that position again (a long-shot, I know), what should I do???

48 views without a post? Whats up, tongue-tied?

I'm afraid I will be no good for answering your questions Mr. SnoCone, for I too am in a situation that can only be alikened to sliding head first down a large ramp or ice...

I'm in a similar situation myself, and plan to dive in head first and just ask her out.

MISTER SnoCone... I like that
Well thanks for responding Madame Kitten, and I hope things will go better for you soon!

There is a book titled "That's Not What I Meant." and another book titled "You Just Don't Understand," by author and linguistics researcher Deborah Tannen. In her books she discusses common social communication phenomenon that occurs during conversation. In the interest of being helpful, I am wondering if any Aspies out there would benefit from reading her books. She writes about the communication that occurs behind conversation...stuff that is difficult to pick up during conversation. I think it is important to see if you are talking about something that interests the other person, and if you aren't sure, ask them what they are interested in, who doesn't like being asked where their interests lie? In addition to this, a little feedback would be helpful to check for understanding...check back to see if you are understanding each other...ask them what they're look means, if you are not sure. bye!

Hum... good luck with that. Maybe I'll find the opening/opportunity to do that with this girl or some other girl sometime? I am under the impression that you should wait for a good 'opening' before doing that, but maybe I'm misguided

I am in fact waiting for a good "opening", and I probably missed it yesterday. Then again, the person I'm asking out has probably been dropping hints, I know I've dropped at least one really obvious one. ::smacks self in face:: A bit of confidence well make you look good when you ask someone out.

Let me tell you: as far as friends I chat with online is concerned, only one or two are of the same ethnicity as who you are interested in. In short: I'm trying to find the answer myself (in my own context that is. Man, I'm self-obsessed.....) If you like, you can visit my second-to-first topic, Asian Girls, on the friendship thread (or wherever it ends up....).

Other than that, there are far worse scenarios I've been in. A friend of mine, mostly of English descent, acted as though she liked me but was really just flirting (I learned that the hard way. ). But from my perspective, if you just try your best to talk to her (keep IM'ing her, if you can't come into any face-to-face contact), and also do your best to talk in a very down-to-earth manner, she'll become interested in you. If it turns out she's flirting after all (like my English-American friend), it's not the end of the world. Try to find someone who is willing to talk to you.

Edited: the Asian girls thread has been removed. I will no longer start any topic that's racist, even if it wasn't really intended to be (i have a friend online who's Chinese and if she ever read something like that, she'd smack me).