techstepgenr8tion wrote:
On another note though, life is full of missed opportunities. You just have to remember that none of them are really be-all-end-all. There are more, there will be more, the trick is just remembering that and remember that there are a lot of people you could connect with very easily in your future - if not now maybe a few years down the road. You can't regret what you've messed up, just take those instances as learning experiences and promise yourself that you'll grow from them as well as correct the things within yourself that they pointed out - whatever that may be (and I don't mean just what's on the surface, dig as deep as you need to in order to sort it out).
I thought this was wise advice. From what I have observed, part of the problem with people not getting over lost relationships is their tendency to over-idealize the other person, and the relationship. This isn’t to say that the good shouldn’t matter, but if that is all a person is focusing on, then they are choosing to see things in a biased way, and that will keep them stuck wishing they still had something that didn’t even exist in the way it’s being remembered.
Cheating usually happens for two reasons (that I can think of off the top of my head). One, sometimes it happens so that people can realize the magnitude of the damage it will cause, and subsequently learn not to ever do it again if they value a relationship. Two, the relationship is missing something the person feels they need, so instead of trying to fix a relationship, or leaving one they’ve unsuccessfully tried to fix, they find what they are missing elsewhere. I suppose there could be a rare “three” where someone didn’t put themselves in a questionable situation, but found themselves unable to say “no” when confronted with an unexpected temptation. Regardless, it’s important to learn from it, and it couldn’t hurt to examine “why” it happened in the first place.
My only other thought is to be careful about wanting her back. Even if she can forgive you, it probably won’t be the same as it was before. Cheating often adds an insecurity and mistrust that wasn’t previously in the relationship, and whatever good memories you had could be replaced by those from a relationship marred by resentments and anger.
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05 Mar 2008, 2:54 pm
