Explain This to Me...

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Yesterday, I phoned my girlfriend (Tania) in the morning. She was all like "hi", and I was like "hi, you wanna go out today?" because she said HERSELF yesterday that she wanted to meet up today. But when I phoned her she said she was with her friend "Vikki" and that she might not be able to see me today. And then all of a sudden she just said "sorry I gotta go now bye" without even explaining why she had to go.

Then, about 10-15 minutes later she sends me a text saying that she doesn't think our "relationship" is working out and we should call it a day. Now this f*****g confuses me, because SHE asked ME out only a WEEK ago (fun fact: my longest relationship ever lasted no more than a month or two, I have a REALLY bad track record with women, so for me a week is actually pretty good going). Oh, she also said she "wanted to stay friends". Which is quite ironic, as we shall see later on.

So naturally, as she didn't give me ANY sort of reason as to why she just dumped me (by text, how classy), I was kinda curious. So I phoned her up so I could basically say "WTF?" Anyway, some other girl picked up the phone (I assume it was "Vikki"), and informed me that Tania had decided to go for a stroll and left her mobile phone behind with her (oh, nice cover story there, like I'm really gunna believe that she left her phone behind for some reason when she normally carries it with her everywhere). She said to phone back in an hour. So I did phone back in an hour, and guess what? No answer. So naturally by this point I'm kinda pissed off, but there's pretty much nothing I can do about it.

Anyway, later on I went out with a couple of my friends and I told 'em what happened. One of them phoned her up and basically said I was pretty torn up about it and all I wanted was a damn explanation (which was pretty much true). So my friend passed me the phone so I could talk to her. She said the reason we'd broken up was because she didn't think we "spent enough time together" (yeah, like 1 week is a good judgement of that...) so I told her if she'd wanted to see more of me in the week she could easily have phoned me up and we coulda met up sometime. Guess what? She f*****g hang up again, without even saying bye. Just great. So it's obvious to me that that's not the reason she really broke up with me.

A while later my friend decides to phone her again... this time it's her friend Vikki who answers again. She says Tania can't get to the phone at the moment, she's busy. What's she busy with? "Talking to her ex". Oh. This is an interesting development. Either another cover story, or her ex has something to do with her breaking up with me. I highly suspect the latter. Anyway, Vikki also tells my friend that Tania "still loves me" and that's why she can't seem to be able to talk to me. So my friend tells her that if Tania has any decency she'd ring me up a bit later and at least give me some sort of explanation, if she still loves me then that's the least she could do. Vikki promises to pass on the message.

Still I haven't had a call. Can't say I'm surprised. Stupid thing is though, I still love this b***h (if being in love after a week seems strange to you, we'd also been close friends for a very long time before, as well as dating "unofficially" on and off for a while). But if she really wanted to remain friends, why the f**k can't she give me some damn closure? It'd certainly help me to move on, and it'd sure as hell do wonders for preserving what's left of our friendship. On the plus side, I shall probably see her in person on Monday, so hopefully I'll be able to finally get something out of her then. 'Til then, the prospect of her phoning me seems unlikely.

Oh also, on the way home from hanging out with my friends yesterday, I flipped my car over and totalled it. As if my life couldn't get any better.

Sorry for the long rant, just needed to get that out of my system. Your project for day, wrongplanet.net, is to explain to me why this girl is being such a damn b***h about eveything.

Strange thing but almost this exact same thing happened to me recently (apart from rolling my car). We were seeing each other for about 6 weeks and I got dumped by text with no sensible explanation but unfortunately (for her) ran into her in a club on Friday night. I was pretty hammered having been drinking all evening and had a bit of a drunken rant (I'm a horrible drunk) and it turns out she 'never felt secure in the relationship' whatever that means. I still don't get it, and I think the least she could have done was give me a proper reason at the time so we could both go our separate ways with some closure but that wasn't to be obviously.

Anyway, you have my sympathy and understanding, and my full agreement that dumping someone by text is a vile and reprehensible thing to do. Good luck finding someone more worthy next time.

Dude, you got dumped. I can't tell you why, and it sounds like your exgirlfriend either can't tell you why or is too embarrassed by the true reason. After a girl dumps you, "let's be friends" usually really means "please don't make me feel uncomfortable if we run into each other." There are girls who wish to remain friends afterwards, but these girls will take the time to sit down and speak with you about why the romantic end of things isn't working out. As much as it sucks, just move on, she sounds childish. Something tells me you won't like her explanation (if she really has one) either so it's not important.

sounds like she had her friend over for moral support.

"let's be freinds" always sounded to me like a consolation prize. But then I've never been friends with any of the exes...

"we should see other people" usually means you've been replaced. Found that out the hard way.

It almost sounds like you were there to keep her spirits up until she got things going with her ex.
I think she's been duplicitous at best, and you cared more for her than she for you.

To turn a phrase, the best way to get over the girl is to get over another...

Hmm. Talking to her on MSN at the moment (at least she had the decency not to block me and is actually *shock horror* talking to me now).

This should be interesting.

EDIT: well that was an unproductive conversation.

I can't comment on this specific situation because I don't know any of the people involved, but I can offer a female perspective on what it's like to end a relationship.

I would always prefer to give a guy an honest explanation for why I'm leaving, but it's not always safe or possible. The sad truth is that a lot of guys react to honest explanations by arguing, or getting explosively angry, or hurting themselves, or seeking revenge, or becoming violent towards the girl or a real or perceived "other guy". Even guys who are known to be nice and calm and never violent sometimes react in one of these ways. I've seen it happen. I've had exes stalk me, harass me, and threaten suicide. These were all Nice Guys who got along with everyone they knew.

These vague excuses are a way to prevent a situation where someone could get hurt. In some cases, they are also used to keep future options open - perhaps to preserve a friendship or make it possible to try dating again some time.

Begging for a thorough explanation tends to make an ex come across as emotionally unstable and focused on the past. Maybe if you look to the future and move on with the friendship, she might open up about it one day, when she feels like she can really trust you. Or maybe you'll never know.

She sounds like she's the one with the problem, not you. You asked her directly what was going on, and she was being evasive for some reason, so... I would just let it go. I know it's frustrating, but she clearly wasn't worth it.

The one thing that does strike me is that she was the one who asked you out. I know some people won't agree with this, but I think if a woman asks out a man she doesn't know, then it's trouble. You have to question her motivation, because usually if a girl's interested in you she'll drop hints, but expect you to make the first move. Your making the first move kind of proves both your manliness and your interest in her. But if she asks you out for no apparent reason, then you're probably going to get taken advantage of.

Oh, I didn't realize that you had been friends with her. In that case, it's really odd that she wouldn't communicate with you.

My guess would be that she has been misinformed somehow. It's possible that she heard some rumour about something you said or did recently that may not be true, but she needs to figure out what to make of it. Or maybe she just needs to sort out some feelings of her own, and is stalling for time, for some reason. It's still really rude, though, you should be capable of honesty with friends.