why have I never had a boyfriend?

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justy7cc
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24 Apr 2008, 10:17 pm

I would like to be told in clear, uncondescending, unemotional language why I cannot get asked on a simple date. I actually believe this is an answerable question.

I am 5'4" and my weight varies between 115 and 120 pounds. I have voluptuous amounts of curly reddish brown hair which is natural. I own my own business, am financially secure, was a straight A student at an Ivy League school and grad school. I do not smoke and have no previous or current drug habits. I drink occasionally. I am politically moderate to right. I keep up on current events. I am a former ballerina. I like movies and read a lot of books. I have run 7 marathons successfully.
Lastly, I am considered very nice looking and have good taste in clothes. I don't swear or tic.

Is the reason I can't get a date my aspergers? If so, should I just give up? I'm pretty much considering this. I just turned 40 and today, buying a bottle of wine to bring for a (male, of course) friend's birthday, was asked for MY ID. I apparently pass for under 21 or near it. The woman who asked for my ID's mouth dropped open (WIDE) when she saw 1968 on my license.

I ask men out. They become my buddies. Forever. I ask why - they say, you aren't vulnerable,psycho, needy, you don't get drunk and fart, you don't have bad breath or bo, I never know when you have your period - you are so rock steady! (quote) If I want a girlfriend, she must be needy and serve me, but you are my equal, you aren't for screwing n' marrying!

By such descriptions girlfriends/wives aren't me. They sound rather pathetic...and odorous too.

Advice? What does an "aspergers person" do if she wants a date? I like men only...Why do all of these gold digger chicks get dates? Their aims are not good, I know.

Serious replies only, please. I don't always get jokes...they sort of fly by me. Should I just pretend to laugh when the guy tells a joke? Again, respectful advice please. This is all getting rather old, and so am I. Thanks, J



weather1man
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24 Apr 2008, 10:23 pm

justy7cc wrote:
I would like to be told in clear, uncondescending, unemotional language why I cannot get asked on a simple date. I actually believe this is an answerable question.

I am 5'4" and my weight varies between 115 and 120 pounds. I have voluptuous amounts of curly reddish brown hair which is natural. I own my own business, am financially secure, was a straight A student at an Ivy League school and grad school. I do not smoke and have no previous or current drug habits. I drink occasionally. I am politically moderate to right. I keep up on current events. I am a former ballerina. I like movies and read a lot of books. I have run 7 marathons successfully.
Lastly, I am considered very nice looking and have good taste in clothes. I don't swear or tic.

Is the reason I can't get a date my aspergers? If so, should I just give up? I'm pretty much considering this. I just turned 40 and today, buying a bottle of wine to bring for a (male, of course) friend's birthday, was asked for MY ID. I apparently pass for under 21 or near it. The woman who asked for my ID's mouth dropped open (WIDE) when she saw 1968 on my license.

I ask men out. They become my buddies. Forever. I ask why - they say, you aren't vulnerable,psycho, needy, you don't get drunk and fart, you don't have bad breath or bo, I never know when you have your period - you are so rock steady! (quote) If I want a girlfriend, she must be needy and serve me, but you are my equal, you aren't for screwing n' marrying!

By such descriptions girlfriends/wives aren't me. They sound rather pathetic...and odorous too.

Advice? What does an "aspergers person" do if she wants a date? I like men only...Why do all of these gold digger chicks get dates? Their aims are not good, I know.

Serious replies only, please. I don't always get jokes...they sort of fly by me. Should I just pretend to laugh when the guy tells a joke? Again, respectful advice please. This is all getting rather old, and so am I. Thanks, J
I'd go out with you, if you were closer to my age.


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xyzyxx
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24 Apr 2008, 10:28 pm

justy7cc wrote:
I ask men out. They become my buddies. Forever. I ask why - they say, you aren't vulnerable,psycho, needy, you don't get drunk and fart, you don't have bad breath or bo, I never know when you have your period - you are so rock steady!
And that's a bad thing? 8O



LoveableNerd
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24 Apr 2008, 10:32 pm

I have no idea. You sound like my kind of girl.



MR_BOGAN
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24 Apr 2008, 10:38 pm

You should try online dating or have a look on WP.

more males than females have AS. :?

You sound nice, don't know what the problem is.


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justy7cc
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24 Apr 2008, 10:41 pm

Thanks for the replies. Especially from you younger guys :) So, I'm obviously not perfect, no one is - but, God's truth is I'm not a heap of baggage. I'd really like to just have a nice date where the guy asked me out, and I thought about it all day. Is this unreasonable?

Do you have advice for me?



xyzyxx
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24 Apr 2008, 10:42 pm

justy7cc wrote:
Do you have advice for me?
Where are you finding these men? Look somewhere else.



justy7cc
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24 Apr 2008, 10:51 pm

Tricks for this? Maybe this is why I seem non-girlfriendish?



FigginOfDeath
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24 Apr 2008, 10:53 pm

Perhaps you're so attractive that men don't think they can even hope to get with you. Of all the excuses to be unintentionally single, that has to be one of the best.

Maybe you're not flirting enough? Doing so doesn't come naturally to us aspies.



weather1man
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24 Apr 2008, 10:59 pm

justy7cc wrote:
Tricks for this? Maybe this is why I seem non-girlfriendish?
The only thing I'm thinking is your to detached and maybe to involved in other things, so guys just don't think your interested. Flirt. It's harder than it seems, but it's the main thing that lets me know that I have a remote chance with a girl. :D Just tease around, stuff like that. Whatever 20 year olds do, I imagine it's not to much different from my age group. :D


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krex
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24 Apr 2008, 11:03 pm

I don't know..I'm female and have been in several relationships(almost all ones I have persued) and I don't have 10% of the things going for me as you do. Then again, if guys need to feel superior to someone...I have that to offer them.After all, only I need to know that I am actually smarter then they are :wink:

You shouldn't have any problem gettings offers here and there are some great guys, if you don't mind a little farting and a few tics :wink:


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Sky
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24 Apr 2008, 11:35 pm

Since you seem to have so many tangible things going for you, the problem must be something less tangible. Perhaps they don't feel an emotional connection to you, certainly possible given your Asperger's. Personally, I'd kill to meet someone who was rational and ruled by reason rather than emotion, but this isn't necessarily what your average person is looking for in a mate. You ask whether you should pretend to laugh at the jokes of these men. My suggestion is that you should not, because even if you were able to be convincing in the short term, it would be difficult and unrealistic to continue to misrepresent yourself in the long term. I'd suggest looking elsewhere for dates. Do not overlook the value of online dating. Many great, successful people find love on online dating sites; its an easier way to zero in on individuals who are more likely to appreciate you for reasons other than how much you conform to superficial social norms. Sincerest wishes that you find more success in the dating arena.



juliekitty
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24 Apr 2008, 11:39 pm

Definitely go online. It has been a tremendous success for me.

I am so picky, and so unusual, that I need to date a lot of different guys before I can find someone I really click with. Online dating provides those numbers.



sgrannel
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24 Apr 2008, 11:44 pm

Wow, are you for real? 40 isn't that much of a reach for me. I find it strange that men would criticize your lack of flakiness and absence of problems. I've had enough experience with troubled women to know they're not what I want.


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sinsboldly
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24 Apr 2008, 11:50 pm

justy7cc wrote:
I would like to be told in clear, uncondescending, unemotional language why I cannot get asked on a simple date. I actually believe this is an answerable question.

I am 5'4" and my weight varies between 115 and 120 pounds. I have voluptuous amounts of curly reddish brown hair which is natural. I own my own business, am financially secure, was a straight A student at an Ivy League school and grad school. I do not smoke and have no previous or current drug habits. I drink occasionally. I am politically moderate to right. I keep up on current events. I am a former ballerina. I like movies and read a lot of books. I have run 7 marathons successfully.
Lastly, I am considered very nice looking and have good taste in clothes. I don't swear or tic.

Is the reason I can't get a date my aspergers? If so, should I just give up? I'm pretty much considering this. I just turned 40 and today, buying a bottle of wine to bring for a (male, of course) friend's birthday, was asked for MY ID. I apparently pass for under 21 or near it. The woman who asked for my ID's mouth dropped open (WIDE) when she saw 1968 on my license.

I ask men out. They become my buddies. Forever. I ask why - they say, you aren't vulnerable,psycho, needy, you don't get drunk and fart, you don't have bad breath or bo, I never know when you have your period - you are so rock steady! (quote) If I want a girlfriend, she must be needy and serve me, but you are my equal, you aren't for screwing n' marrying!

By such descriptions girlfriends/wives aren't me. They sound rather pathetic...and odorous too.

Advice? What does an "aspergers person" do if she wants a date? I like men only...Why do all of these gold digger chicks get dates? Their aims are not good, I know.

Serious replies only, please. I don't always get jokes...they sort of fly by me. Should I just pretend to laugh when the guy tells a joke? Again, respectful advice please. This is all getting rather old, and so am I. Thanks, J


Having been a woman with your attributes back when I wanted a boyfriend, I recognize the symptoms. Men are intimidated by successful women. Yeah, uh huh. no kidding.
One guy told me one time why did I need him? I was educated, successful, independent - in short he thought I had become the man I had wanted to have a relationship, to marry.
I had made no place for someone in my life and there was no place for men to ''be'' so they rolled off like raindrops down a window pane.
and I never knew it.

Merle



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25 Apr 2008, 12:12 am

where do you live?
I am in north Idaho/east washington, I am 45.
I could use getting out and stuff.