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KingofKaboom
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04 May 2008, 6:01 pm

I've been thinking about trying online dating and was wondering how I might go about it, any suggestions?


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nontrivial
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04 May 2008, 7:11 pm

Perhaps the best thing you can do in the short term is to set up a profile on OKCupid and start messaging some people in your area whom you find interesting. The main thing to keep in mind is to keep things fun, light, and casual. Even though a lot of people on OKCupid say they're looking for "long term" relationships, the best way to approach it is to enjoy the process of meeting new people and making friends.

If you find that online dating is a helpful way to meet people (for me it's a lot easier than going to parties, bars, clubs, etc.), and you want to get more serious about it, you may eventually want to try a subscription-based service such as Chemistry or eHarmony. Both sites have personality-based matching, which can help us Aspies find people who can appreciate our special quirks. And the fact that you have to pay to communicate with others on the site usually helps filter out people who aren't serious.



HurrMark55
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04 May 2008, 7:18 pm

nontrivial wrote:
Perhaps the best thing you can do in the short term is to set up a profile on OKCupid and start messaging some people in your area whom you find interesting. The main thing to keep in mind is to keep things fun, light, and casual. Even though a lot of people on OKCupid say they're looking for "long term" relationships, the best way to approach it is to enjoy the process of meeting new people and making friends.

If you find that online dating is a helpful way to meet people (for me it's a lot easier than going to parties, bars, clubs, etc.), and you want to get more serious about it, you may eventually want to try a subscription-based service such as Chemistry or eHarmony. Both sites have personality-based matching, which can help us Aspies find people who can appreciate our special quirks. And the fact that you have to pay to communicate with others on the site usually helps filter out people who aren't serious.


Ditto everything this poster said. Another thing about eHarmony is that you're spending so much time getting to know the person before you actually meet him/her (there are lots of steps in the communication process) that the person may get a sense of your personality before you actually meet.



pakled
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04 May 2008, 7:51 pm

actually, I don't know if this is true or not, but supposedly Eharmony aggressively 'cull's it's potential base of customers. You have to meet their expectations before you can even play. If the rumor is correct, they've rejected over a million people.

Yeah, start easy. Some of the sites like Eharmony can cost hundreds or more.



nontrivial
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04 May 2008, 8:57 pm

This is true - not everybody who takes the eHarmony personality quiz is allowed to join the site. eHarmony is notoriously heterosexist (does not allow any same-sex matches), and does seem to discriminate against "non-traditional" people. However, I don't think people with AS are "non-traditional" in such a way that they are especially likely to be weeded out by eHarmony. And in any case, it is free (albeit time-consuming) to take the quiz.

I should add that my experience with eHarmony was not very good; I only met two people (out of hundreds of suggested matches) in real life. The best site I have used so far is OKCupid; there's a good critical mass of users there (assuming you live in or near a reasonable-sized city), and it's absolutely free.



EvilKimEvil
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04 May 2008, 9:28 pm

I took the eHarmony personality quiz just because I like taking quizzes. I did not get rejected, even though I'm "non-traditional" and an aspie. What I did get was endless amounts of spam, even though I did not sign up and did not agree to be on the mailing list.



juliekitty
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05 May 2008, 12:33 am

I hated OK Cupid. I like http://www.plentyoffish.com

I met my boyfriend on lavalife, but you have to pay to message people there. Plentyoffish is free.



barnschop
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05 May 2008, 7:22 am

Hi

To make online dating enjoyable, learn all you can about the risks, the best techniques to beat others on the same site.

Pull the boys and Pull the girls offers advice that you might find useful with online dating.

Basically though, get a good photo and then write a honest profile, do try to be a little mysteries



LePetitPrince
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05 May 2008, 8:52 am

The best way to get so many dates on an online site, do the following:

-Change your sex to female
-Wear a mini skirt and post pic of yourself
-Set "seeking men" or set to 'seeking women' if you want to be a lesbian
-wait for pms
-do your pick


Now, a word of warning , you might turn to a very ugly haggy women but believe me you will have a much better chance than a typical straight male



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05 May 2008, 9:11 am

You have nothing to lose.


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Alex22
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06 May 2008, 4:29 am

As all of them told, there are a lot of ways to get into an online dating... But be careful and play safe. Before you go any further, think about this: They may be an online predator, one of thousands of con artists and sexual predators crawling Internet dating sites for hopeful romantics just like you. They have victimized others by stealing their trust, hearts and their money. And now they are after you... there are some horrible people hiding in the shadows looking to capitalize off of your hope and trust.



KingofKaboom
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14 May 2008, 7:48 pm

:? Think I may try it but I'm perplexed by all the single posters that chose my thread :?


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Tim_Tex
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16 May 2008, 5:59 pm

Since I am specifically looking for another Aspie, I have no choice but to meet them online, because I can't spot an Aspie just by looking at them.


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pbcoll
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16 May 2008, 6:04 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
The best way to get so many dates on an online site, do the following:

-Change your sex to female
-Wear a mini skirt and post pic of yourself
-Set "seeking men" or set to 'seeking women' if you want to be a lesbian
-wait for pms
-do your pick


Now, a word of warning , you might turn to a very ugly haggy women but believe me you will have a much better chance than a typical straight male


Well put. Online dating is just about the worst way of trying to get a date if you're a straight guy. It's got all the problems of real life, except that the numbers are heavily stacked against you (don't believe me? get on plentyoffish or okcupid check how many females there are in your area in your target age range... then check how many guys there are in the same age range.)


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16 May 2008, 10:24 pm

pakled wrote:
actually, I don't know if this is true or not, but supposedly Eharmony aggressively 'cull's it's potential base of customers. You have to meet their expectations before you can even play. If the rumor is correct, they've rejected over a million people.


They rejected me.
Quote:
Unable to Match You at this Time
eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

You can still receive your free Personality Profile by clicking here.


I'm glad to know I don't fit into one of their cookie-cutter stereotype profiles. If those are the only type of people who they let in, then they are exactly right... they can't match me. F*** em!


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21 May 2008, 2:45 pm

KingofKaboom wrote:
:? Think I may try it but I'm perplexed by all the single posters that chose my thread :?


I met my GF when she IMed me after viewing my OKCupid profile ;)


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