Male Mind Games

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I just want to start out by saying that yes I know I am lazy about responding to my own threads. But this post I am really seriously and curious about and will respond.

I find myself stuck in male "relationships." If I don't like the guy and give him say a pity date; then he wants to be my boyfriend and soon starts to pretend that he is which I find really annoying and stressful.

If I like the guy even remotely it's even worse. I have only liked two guys in my long lonely years of adulthood. The scary thing is how much these guys are alike. They could be brothers which is kind of sick when I think about it. But anyway back to the topic. Both these men are pretty damn intuitive to my feelings towards both of them. When my interests and thoughts are elsewhere they try to "court" me by wanting to hang out, talk, start sexual relations, exc. Of course when I agree to these activities and I start to kind of look foreward to doing these social activities I end up getting burned. Suddenly I am hearing the lets just be friends speech, or I don't think you would want to hang out with my friends, exc. I tell these guys over and over. I just want you to be honest with me. I don't want to listen to your stupid lies or your lame excuses. If you realized you made a mistake by wanting me in the first place; I want to hear that up front. It makes me sick to my stomach that I can't seem to relate to people on even the most primitive of levels. I don't want to be married but I don't want to be with a cold distant person either. Maybe I expect too much from others

I have had the same thing happen to me with people I have been interested in. It seems to hurt more if you feel you've connected with them more.

BTW, nice Leela avatar!

I can't relate to anyone. They always seem to misinterpret me but if I told them that they'd think I was just saying that cause I offended them. Think I'll go mute.

I think it's more of an NT game to do that rather than "male"... I, for one, don't do that...

Anytime I've ever been in love with anyone, I've always meant what I said. I would never play mind games with them.

I have had this happen several times and the most frustrating things is ...why the change. I tried to get them to explain to me but never got any response, which made it more frustrating. I just wanted to understand what I was doing that made them not like me...seemed like good information to have...why not just tell me even if it hurts my feelings it isn't going to be worse then all the reasons I end up thinking to "fill in the blank" of why they no longer are interested in me. It was the lack of communication that bothered me more then the rejection.

I don't think it's a game. . . I think people's feelings honestly change, especially in the early dating stages when no one actually knows what they want.

First of all, NEVER do pity dates. They're bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Plain and simple. If you don't like someone like that, don't date them. It won't make anyone happy in the end, not even the misguided pitied man who will have to find out the hard way that you just don't like him like that. That will break his heart, and you might even feel guilty for having to tell him so even if you're relieved to be rid of him.

As for those times you actually do like someone...well, mind games are ick, regardless of gender. I'm not sure they're always intentional though. I think sometimes people just aren't sure how they feel. Maybe they think they like you and decide to try courting you, as you put it, but after spending more time with you realize that they only like you as a friend. Those sound like two pretty horrible experiences. But think about how similar those two guys are; if they're that similar then it's no wonder the same thing happened in both cases. Try going for a different sort of guy.

I saw a good "bit" about this on Adult Swims "Bird Man"...he was talking to this women who was undressing him and said....

"I am used to moving much slower. Most my dates start with me taking an interested girl to a movie and and dinner and then saying something that makes them forget why they ever liked me in the first place"<---certainly fits my life pretty well.

I am one of the most honest people, you would ever meet. I can't help it. My brain is programmed that way. The down-side is, I can be brutally honest without realizing it.