What the HELL is wrong with girls?

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oops that looks like s**t, make it clicky someone

Here ya go. It's bu****it (the idea that not treating women like b*****s and hoes is somehow manipulative), but I'll make it clicky for you.
http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp02142004.shtml

Last edited by LoveableNerd on 30 May 2008, 12:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh my go, are you even listening. ALL of them. I'm not going after that type of the ones that appear nice want badasses too.



Yeah, another rant. SO WHAT? And I'm not in HS for the 5th time, I'm taking my GED. So0 your telling me that I should wait until college. Even though no one else has to, I should. Why the f**k and I always the one who has to wait? You try growing up with no close friends at all. Or Girlfriends or whatever. I'm sitting here talking about stuff on a forum that I haven't even told my mom on a godamn forum to people I don't even know. Thats how bad it is. And as for online dating? WTF is the point OF THAT?? All you do is sit there and small talk in a so-called relationship.



I already did that. several times. TAKEN TAKEN TAKEN. Their always taken. EVERYONE has a best frd and a bf/gf...except me.

I think most people read it as:

*If you want someone it's good to make that clear instead of acting like you just want to be her friend.

*Someone who sees "helping out" as something done to make the other person fall in love, is not really helpful, just manipulative.

And even if someone is truly nice, maybe, maybe maybe there is more to a relationship than being "nice"? Maybe, maybe, it is a good idea to look at some of your negatives?

"I can't belive guys don't want a nice, hot, smart, funny, cool girl like me. Since I have been dumped by one guy, it must be because I'm so perfect. Men probably like evil, ugly, stupid, boring girls. How weird!! !! Why don't they want someone perfect like me?"

Anyone who think they were dumped because they are too perfect really have to big ego to have a relationship I think.

I'm a bit older than you, but your experience sounds like mine. Though I often had to drive hours to meet them, I did have quite a bit of luck with online dating a few years ago (the point is to meet them and turn it into a real relationship, not to IM and pretend you are in one). But this was back when they were mostly the domain of fellow geeks (and you could still find a female geek before she got seduced by the a****oles), but now that the "mundies" (as SotiCoto calls them) have taken over in masse, the dating sites have all dried up.



WRONG ANSWER. Everyone is entitled to be happy, or at least to actively pursue it. "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, and endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, among them life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness". This doesn't just apply to Americans, though it is in our founding documents. It applies to all humanity.

But you have to pursue it. You have to fight for it, because no one is going to give it to you. Sometimes you just have to take it, cause often ppl will actively oppose you in your pursuit.


In my experience, young NT women do respond a bit better to treating them as equals than putting them on a pedestal. That will usually get you into a higher tier in the friend zone. Unfortunately, that is still kind of like the Phantom Zone in DC Comics, cause not even Superman can break out of that. But act like a superficial misogynous thug, and they'll be all over you.

As someone who has been in a few relationships, I can speak with some experience. I truly believe every girl I've dated for more than a couple of weeks was somewhere on the spectrum though. They were at least aspie-friendly and full of endearing quirks. They were atypical women for sure, and I found every one of them online before the dating sites all went to sh**. So from this, I can make one strongly defensible assumption:

The problems addressed are mostly evident in stereotypical NT women (especially younger ones). [This in spite of the odd tendency of aspie girls to want to rationalize this illogical NT behavior.]

Therefore, your best chances for success are to find an aspie girl, or at least a geeky one. Now, how to go about that now that the dating sites have degenerated is another matter.
_________________
Nobody is perfect.
I am Nobody.
Therefore, I am perfect.

Last edited by LoveableNerd on 30 May 2008, 12:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

After reading through this thread, I have a few points...

1.) You can't treat women like crap, and turn it into a meaningful relationship, as the "gangstas" do. Sure, they may get these women for a time... but eventually she'll grow tired of them. Unless, of course, the woman is a complete moron. For the most part young girls like as*holes. As women get older, they prefer confident, reasonably nice guys. Women are attracted to confidence, and the fact is that as*holes seem confident at first. In reality most of them are secretly insecure, but it takes awhile for women to realize that fact.

2.) The reverse is also true. If you put them on a pedestal, treating them like queens, etc... you are sending a VERY specific NT message. Treating someone that good in the NT world means you see them as your superior, as your better. Women instinctively want a guy who is their equal, or even their better. Guys, for that matter, want the same thing. It's simple Darwinism at work... you want the best genetics for your children, which means getting the best "deal" you can.

By worshiping the woman, you are removing yourself from "mating" material and sticking yourself firmly in the friend-zone. Good luck getting out of that.

3.) You can't make this a big deal and expect to get a girl. On the contrary, in the NT world dating and attraction is a CASUAL game, one where you are expected to be distant and relaxed until the proper time. Come on too strong, and you are rejected as a creep or a clingy guy. Of course this makes no sense, but whoever said human mating rituals were at all logical?

So be relaxed, treat a woman as an equal, or even as a slight inferior (I know, that sounds sexist, but it DOES work). Do not treat her like crap, nor put her on a pedestal. Keep confident, or learn how to project confidence. It's not easy for us, and it took me many years to master it, but it was well worth it. We -CAN- do it, it's just a lot more difficult.

I think people are trying to communicate to you that you'll have better luck finding a mature partner if you're around older (than high school aged) women. If you're not wanting to wait, I'd suggest looking for an activity that would be enjoyable and expose you to college aged women. I solved the "help there's only 2 girls in the whole CS department" problem by taking up a minor in psychology - a major which typically has many more women signed up than men.

Be prepared, though. If you've never had a mature relationship, you're going to have to start thinking about all kinds of things you may not have before. And not in a non-personal "academic" way either. My wife is the only serious relationship I've been in, and 2 weeks into the relationship she asked me how I felt about abortion. I gave her my general view and then she told me that wasn't really the answer she was looking for. The real question was "What if I get pregnant in a month - what would you want to do? Abortion or have the child?" It was an important question for her and something that I had never thought about (why would I, I'd never been in a serious relationship).

I understand that is how most people read it, and it is bu****it because it is a fallacy to assume that the reason they became her friend is because they were just trying to get in her pants. I'm sure some guys do that, and you are right it would be sneaky and manipulative, but that would not make them nice guys.

I would become friends with a girl I thought was attractive and wanted to get to know to see if there was a possibility for more. Because I didn't try to get in her pants the first ten minutes, she might have assumed that I just wanted to be friends, but that was a faulty assumption on her part. Being a friend to someone you like doesn't make you a manipulator, and she had no right to be creeped out based on her own faulty assumption. I wasn't pretending to be her friend. I "helped out" because I cared about her. It was never a case of "I did that, so now you gotta do this." I don't believe in love at first site, but it takes awhile to develop. In theory, a friendship that turns into a relationship should be the most stable and long lasting, but it only happens in Hollywood movies. The lone exception is when the girl is the one seeking to turn it into more, usually from the beginning.

You can say this is due to shyness, lack of confidence or whatever, I don't care. Fact is acting like you have confidence when you don't will backfire in your face. We don't realize how we appear to other people, so we may think we are pulling it off, but in reality we are coming off like Barney Fife. And developing real confidence takes success, which is kind of like the ludicrous getting a job when you have no experience and they all want experience loop. Best to be yourself, in spite of what all the nay sayers and so-called dating gurus say. If the real you is insecure and unconfident because you've had your hopes dashed 10,000 times and have become jaded, so be it. You are not being pessimistic, you are making logical deductions based on your own life experience and the predictable pattern it has followed so far. The pattern may break eventually, and that 10,001th try may be the breakthrough you've been waiting for, so you have to keep looking, *but* might as well be realistic about your expectations. Rose colored glasses will only add to the disappointment.

Yeah, dates may be few and far between, *but* if you are seeking quality and not quantity, being true to yourself works as a great litmus test against the superficial party girls and thug chasers. And if a girl does show interest in you, you'll know it is the real you she wants.

In the meantime, you can seek happiness elsewhere by focusing on your other interests. The best way to beat the jerkaholics is to ignore them, and find happiness without them.
_________________
Better to be HATED for who you are than LOVED for who you are NOT.

Last edited by LoveableNerd on 30 May 2008, 2:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Many high school girls want whatever's popular - what's on TV, and what their friends like. If you see a girl who is ALWAYS wearing what's trendy (not to be confused as having an identity and style), run. Don't bother. Even if you could be the flavor of the month, you'd soon be discarded. You sound like the sort who puts their heart on the line, and this is just cruising for pain.

Girls go out with sub-par guys the same reason guys go out with sub-par girls. They're expendable. And you don't have to feel guilty when you break their heart. What happens when she dumps the gansta for another one? Her friends gab a bit and life goes on. What happens if she dumps a really great guy? She feels like crud, like it's her fault, and any of her friends who have a conscience will call her on it. (Between a skank and a gangsta, it's always the other's fault - nobody is the clear villian.) What pressure! High school is all about disposeable people.

Meanwhile, the sensible girls have long since gone into hiding. They're off at the library hiding behind turtleneck sweaters and thick glasses, focused on more important things. Rest assured, they will surface a little bit during college. Be outgoing at the types of things YOU like to do - and you will find girls who like to do the same thing. Really get out there and look during college. I mean, REALLY LOOK and don't pass up an opportunity to talk to a girl you like. If you wait too long, they'll get married, decide they like girls, or give up on the whole shebang and go back into hiding. And then all that's left is the bars and online singles services. Ick.

Yet people DO get jobs without experience, and break that loop. Else no one would have a job. The same is true for dating, experience can be had by doing, and you do not need to be experienced to get started... else no one would date and the human race would be extinct. You derive from a long line of humans, who regardless of AS, managed to reproduce successfully.

It may be a fallacy, a woman not seeing you as interested unless you act a certain way, but one must realize the us on the spectrum are far more logic-driven than your average NT, and are thus more likely to analyze. Most people are programmed at a very basic level to interpret certain social signals in certain ways. It's in no way false to consciously think to yourself "I want to show her I'm interested" and then act in such a way that you communicate the interest to her, whatever that method of communication might be.

Also confidence is not, strictly speaking, a pure personality trait. Rather, confidence is a state of mind garnered from knowing your strengths and weaknesses, and also not allowing others' opinions to cause you undue harm. In other words, if someone calls you stupid, but you know you are intelligent, you can shrug off the comment and dismiss it as erroneous. If someone calls you socially inept, instead of being offended, you can laugh about it and even make a few jokes about some of the dumb stuff you've done. Women are attracted to this state of mind, for whatever evolutionary reason. This sort of thing is, of course, easier for an NT than for us, but we can still accomplish it.

In other words, being confident does not cause you to mutate into a different person, nor is it some mystical personality trait that people are born with, though obviously some have an easier time attaining it than others. It's just a state of mind which allows you to share the very best of yourself, while shrugging off the worst and not letting it ruin your life.

Ah yes, college... where the high school party girls settle down and get married and the hidden geek girls from high school become the new party girls and fratboy arm candy... been there, done that.

Sorry, I'm not trying to be facetious or hog this thread. I'm 34, and it's too late for me, but this kid just sounds so much like me in high school. Just about every other piece of advice I've read here I also heard when I was his age and it just didn't lead anywhere.

Mystical superstitious nonsense. There is no such thing as fate, no soul mate, no magical "one" who is going to swoop down out of the sky when you stop looking and save you. Aspie guys usually don't have any desire to do the types of activities that lead to meeting women in the real world, so if you stop looking and only do what you like to do, your odds are likely better at winning the lottery than running into your dream girl.

The closest I will come to a partial concession on that is that you should absolutely ignore the party girl, jerk chasing type. Shun them the way they shun you. At best, your not fawning over them might make them curious and make you a challenge. They may chase you for a change. (Just remember what you are getting though and don't get your hopes up). Either way, at least you won't be distracted or depressed over them.


You can keep wishing your life away, but the longer you wait, the more of them will be taken or through poor choices, develop into something you don't want. And your chances of meeting someone drop exponentially after college. Especially someone attractive who has never been married and doesn't have children by someone else. Let alone compatible with you. So, I can't stress this enough: Carpe Diem!


I already discussed this, but for a quick recap... "fake it till you make it" doesn't work for aspies. Be yourself, warts and all. However, I will concede machinex has some great advice on improving confidence in his post above. Sure, we all have room for self improvement, but focus on improving the areas you are feel you are weak in for you and you alone, not because of any girl you think it might impress.

I wish I could give you some guaranteed advice to help you find a woman. I'm still looking, and I have a rather nasty statistical window about to slam down on me in about 6 months. But only thing I can do is sum up my wisdom in a quote from Galaxy Quest, "Never give up. Never surrender."

Last edited by LoveableNerd on 30 May 2008, 3:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hey.

Sounds like you've been through a lot of stuff in your life so far and you are or act more mature, maybe..More than your average classmates in those schools...and probably more than some of the girls you talk to. Now I don't know if that's true, I don't know what schools you went to and what people went there...

Did you talk to these girls you were intersted in about some of the things you mentioned here (basically all the hardship)? B/c if they have never experienced anything like that and they have lived a very pampered life...it might be hard for them to relate to you. They might be a bit intimidated and unsure of how to talk to you, in the sense that you know so much about certain aspects of life while they don't. Maybe for them it's more natural at this age (again, from their perspective) to talk about simpler, more superficial things. Maybe they don't know how or can't reach out. Mybe they're still immature (mentally)? Just my 2 cents, again, I don't have all the info.

You're 18 or what?...I didn't have a boyfriend until much later:) Hopefully you'll meet a more mature girl..You give this descrip "I don't go around threatening everyone that calls me a cracka, wearing baggy pants, and listening to rap all the time, so they'd consider me 'weak'." Ok..not sure but NOT every girl wants to hang out with what you've described. Where do you usually meet girls? Do you meet them in the same context, usually ..or have they been from mixed backgrounds and walks of life etc?

Also, some things I have picked up throughout my life and which kind of applied to me...appearance can make a difference. Trendy haircut, trendy clothes, good cologne and just a big smile. Looking a bit more "mainstreem" if you are looking for a mainstreem-type girl.

Please cheer up! I think a lot of people here weren't very early bloomers in the romance dept But things eventually changed for the better!

Last edited by northern_light_girl on 30 May 2008, 3:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nope. I intentionally avoid that. Unless they really want to know. Even then I don't tell the whole story.



Right now I don't know where to meat them. Not in high school anymore, like I said. Some people tell me I should just stop them on the street or wherever I meat them, but I don't have a CLUE what to say to a total stranger.



I'm not. Super normal girls make me sick. All they want is to look good.

And I don't exactly dress like a bum..not to mention I wear $50-a-bottle Calvin Cline, so I don't think that's really my problem. Girls tell me I'm cute all the time. Fallowed by 'I wouldn't go out with someone like you,' but the point is I don't believe appearance is my problem.






I call BS on that one, because I've tried it. It didn't work. They most of them assumed I wasn't single because I wasn't trying.




Now as for treating them like equals, I will grant, that's probably one of my problems.
Half of them left because I'm 'too nice'

My other problem is I don't know where to find the single ones. Either I'm not their type or their taken.

If you: "only do what you like to do"

And this results in you not doing "the types of activities that lead to meeting women in the real world"

Does it logically follow that:
1) You don't really want to meet your dream girl? Or
2) Does it mean your dream girl isn't in the real world?

Or is there some other option I'm missing?

So just exactly WHERE are you encountering all these people? Are they in your GED classes?
If you want a relationship you ARE gonna have go through the motions of meeting them somewhere and talking to them!
Smalltalk can very easily lead to deep/interesting conversations if you guys have something in common and/or something to talk about but just plunging into a relationship you dont even know is putting the cart before the horse .You're gonna have to Start somewhere and BUILD it up.That my friend is the point of dating; online OR offline.