Letsgoblues latest thread - formerly Pressure to have a rela

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LOL Also I was reading on the net about dating tips back when I thought I was going to go out with her and most of them also recommended that you kiss on the first date and hold hands. What do you think of that? They also say when your talking to a girl its alright to lightly touch them. hmm.

When dating, it's always wise to take things slow (unless you two really hit it off). As the old saying goes "fools rush in" I've found from my own personal experience that the best relationships were not ones where I tired to force everything, but formed naturally.

About this girl at the home depot, I don't think its very healthy for you to be fixated on one girl. (I've been in your shoes before, don't feel bad ) The one thing you have to remember is that their a TON of other fish in the sea. Who knows you might get a job somewhere else and meet another cute girl who enjoys soccer, but reciprocates your affection.

This brings to another point: Alot of people find relationships when they are not really looking, they just kind of happen. Prime example: My friend was dating this really wierd ugly chick from my school. One day I went over my friends to hang out, he then i asked if i would like to join him at kennywood( a local amusement park), at first I said no b/c I wasn't that thriled about amusement parks at that time, he then stated that his g/f wanted me to meet her friend. At first I was skeptical b/c if my friend's girl is weird, then thier's a chance this girl might be weird. It turned she was gorgeous and had a great personality to go with it. (the two girls were like night and day). We ended up hitting it off pretty well.

But my main point is this, stop constanly looking for a relationship and being desperate. Desperately waiting around for a relationship is like watching water boil on a low fire, it takes a while for things to happen.

Instead of focusing on some shallow soccer girl at home depot, focus on ways to improve your life and yourself. For example, the girl you fancy likes soccer, maybe you should play some soccer. Find more constructive and self fullfiling things to do with your time. If you do this you'll find you'll love yourself more, and others around you will see this and will naturally be attracted to you. (including cute girls )

Hope this helps, good luck with everything man!

God speed


Justin

and vice versa, LGB.

i have no idea - have been trying to work that out for forty-odd years, and STILL only have a glimmer of an idea.

she isn't interested in you - well, that happens, even after years and years of marriage. and you don't want to be with someone who isn't interested, do you?

looking outside work sounds good to me. and jman's advice sounds top banana to me.

i'm afraid there are no rules to what and what is not acceptable to anyone, cos everyone has different likes and dislikes (aprt from the obvious ones, like don't expect sex/marriage/a joint bank account on the first date). you have to see what the other person is like. kissing and holding hands on a first date might be okay for some, not for others. maybe you could ask if it's okay (when it happens, and i really hope it does), which would be quite sweet. some women might not like that, though.

LGB, i've been trying to work out these rules for decades, and am still not really sure, even though i've had quite a few relationships. the only thing i can say for certain is... communication - make sure you both talk about stuff, and that you understand what the other is saying. other than that... well, it's one of life's mysteries.

anyone got any other advice, for me as well as for LGB?

Great stuff jman - I echo vetivert's yay!

Take heed LGB - that was good practical advice. Listen to jman and vetivert.

I really think you need to forget about soccer girl and relax - it'll happen when it does, and sod what the psychiatrist says, as you've just learned you can't force these things - but at least you gave it your best shot. And you'll be less nervous and pushy next time.

And don't argue with mish any more, it isn't helpful. She has a very different perspective to you and I don't think that gap can be bridged by either of you.

Can we restrict comments to positive, realistic advice please? If you don't like it, don't read it.

Dunc

Well, she can eitehr see you as a friend or a reasonably cool workmate, or a total loser/annoying wimp.

choose which you want.



I disagree. I assume many other women do too, as it's pretty common for guys to get slapped. heh.



It depends on the age group this advice is directed at, and how much experience the person has had with romantic relationships prior.

If I had never been out with anyone and got kissed on the first date it would most likely just really put me off.



Why do you assume she's shallow?

Im not sure about shallow cause she is very polite, but she seems very cautious in things, and doesnt like to even give her number out from what I hear. Like when we talked I told her Id pick her up when we go out to eat and shes likes "or I can mee you there too" It seems shes very cautious. Does that mean she doesnt trust me driving her or is it saftey reason just incase the date goes bad?

You need to try to stop obsessing about this- you now know for sure that she doesn't want to date you so what does it matter why she said she didn't want you to drive you on a date that isn't going to happen??

Yeah its disappointing that she turned you down but it isnt doing you any good dwelling on this. See the positives that have come from this experience and learn from the negatives for next time.

Try not to be in such a rush to find someone to date right now- desperation can be really offputting. Try to build up your social life with friends more if you can- then you'll be increasing your chances of meeting someone.


Mel

Is it alright to be friends with her though?

If she's happy with that yes- but its probably better to give her space for a while otherwise she will just think you're still trying to convince her to go on a date. Just be polite with her when you see her at work- smile and say hi. Don't push it anymore than that for a while- otherwise she's likely to get angry again.

Perhaps next time she comes back for the weekend you can chat to her a little more and perhaps say sorry that she felt you were trying to hassle her. But don't suggest going out again.

Mel

Getting some female friends is a good plan too. But don't push them.
They give good advice and can line you up with their friends sometimes.
Thats where I am at now...just the advice part though, not the line up part. I lowered all my expectations for relations and sex to zero. In it's place, I've raised the idea of being friends and working to compliment and do activities. It's all going pretty well now. I think a girl might be interested in me but i'm not going to get too worked up.

I used to get kind of obsessed with certain girls. My girlfriend was really smart and pretty but she was very stupid and a bad cheater too. She had alot of personal problems and I helped her out alot. I figured I could turn her into something more to my liking and in the process I got selfish.
Even after we broke it off we continued to see each other sometimes. I would get obsessed and think we could get back together. It just wrecked me.

Like I said before should I write her a short letter saying sorry, and that I like her, and would still like to be friends?

No letters.

Trust me, no letters, you will be better off apologizing and leaving it at that by the sounds of things.

If I give her the letter would she just end up throwing it in my face you think? When she snapped at me on Sunday I felt a little embarrassed cause the store was busy and Im sure people heard it. Would that be more embarassing if she threw it in my face?

No letters.

Apologize and thats it. That's the best way.

maybe so. That one time she said I was pushy I told her sorry if I was and I told her that I was a little nervous.

Heres another article I found.