Rules of a "dating game"

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I know I talked about few other women here. So no I haven't talked about Katie before. Ever. Actually I don't think I am in love with her becuase I never met her. I am just mad at the principle that she feels a need to abide within a framework of a certain "game" and "rules".

Let me summarize what aspect of it I want to focus on:

X=telling her that my ex girl friend were fat which made her think that due to her own weight she is wasting her time
Y=telling her that I am miserable which causes her to say that I can't be happy with someone if I am not happy with myself

1)In May I met a girl online who decided to be friends because of X
2)Instead of telling me that she rejected me because of X she told me she rejected me because of Y
3)By November I made it clear that Y was no longer the case
4)Then she FINALLY said that the reason was X rather than Y.
6)Then I explained to her where X was misunderstood
7)She appologised and admitted she was immature to jump to conclusions
However, DESPITE ABOVE MENTIONED *SINCERE* APPOLOGY she didn't reconsider her original decision to only be my friend
9)PLEASE NOTE: She was very patient and supportive with me and were making all her explanations very long, so obviously I haven't driven her crazy or anything. This means that her appology was sincere, after all it was very long.

CONCLUSIOIN: a dating thing is a "game" with certain rules and certain deadlines. Since I haven't "made it" within few days of chatting with her but instead waited almost a year, the "deadline" is past, so I "lost" a game.

THE CULMINATION OF THE ABOVE IDEA IS THE CONVERSATION THAT I HAD WEITH A GIRL OVER HALF A YEAR AFTER WE BOTH DECIDED TO BE FRIENDS, WHICH I CUT AND PASTED AT THE END. ESPECIALLY CONCENTRATE ON HER VERY LAST EMAIL, IT IS VERY REVEALING. HOWEVER OBVIOULY YOU HAVE TO READ EVERTYING UNTILL THEN IN ORDER TO GET THE CONTEXT.

I would like to see whether you guys agree with my interpretation or not. So lets start the story from the beginning.

Last May I met a girl online, named Katie. We had something in common, such as interest in reading books on philosophy and spirituality, etc. During the second or third time we talked, she asked for my horoscope sign. Even though I don't believe in it, I told her my birthday, and she said we matched (actually hers is only few days later after mine). THis led me to asking her whether or not she is possibly interested in me in terms of relationships. She told me that she believes in taking it slowly, she only asked for horoscope sign so fast because her experience tells her that she is "somewhat" likely to feel towards the way she is set up to. I believe she also told me that she lives in a farm so she doesn't have a lot of time to pursue relationships. When I asked her why is she on this site, she told me that it is hard for her to decide what she wants at a moment. Her mind keeps going back and forth. SHe might "want" a relationship but once she is close to having one, she would find she doesn't have so much time.

Then she asked me what do I look from a relationship. I told her I look for someone to support me emotionally, etc. She said that it was nice that I have a "sensitive side". Then after that she asked me whether or not I am one of the guys who is willing to wait to get to know someone before having a relationship. I told her yes, and that I have to get to know someone as a person before persuing a relationship with them. Obviously, from what she said few lines ago, that is what she wanted to hear.

However, my paranoia is that each time I tell people exactly what they want to hear, I become scared that may be they will decide that I am a liar. After all, probability tells that you can't feel EXACTLY the way someone else feels. So if my ideas match too closely, I got to be lying. So I decided to add that by the way I do feel all that desperation to have a relaitonship fast at any price because due to my Asperger's I feel so totally rejected and amost wish to "get into another dimension" if there were one to "hide" from my totally miserable feelings, etc. And at the end, of course, I reiterated that I do believe in going slowly in order not to be hurt or whatever. THat way I both agreed with her on being slowly as well as had my own "side" to it which would be "more believable" from my point of view. Anyways, her response was that may be I am not looking for relationship because I have to be happy with myself first before I can be happy with others. For some weird reason I WANTED her to feel sorry for me so I totally agreed with her and "accepted" the fact that I was only her freind. I guess there are few reasons for it. First of all, I was pursuing two or three other women at that time so I didn't really care all that much about the fourth one. And secondly I wanted someone to feel sorry for me because I was getting over failure with Anne -- the woman I did love.

Anyways, the bottom line is that we both agreed to be friends during that conversation. Incidentally, I did get the sympathy that I wanted when I was trying to get her feel sorry for me. She explained to me that this is exactly what friends are for -- to make me feel better about myself. And once I feel strong then may be later I will have better luck at finding relationships. She even went as far as trying to give me all the tips on how to make friends, etc. despite of my Asperger's.

However, few days later I regret it, and I decided to manipulate her around to talking about the topic again and perhaps changing her mind. The way I did it is by asking her more quesitons as to why she feels like you have to be happy with yourself in order to be in relationships. I was allowed to "ask quesitons" since I was previously asking her how to approach people and start a conversation. So, she didn't suspect I was trying to change her mind, just like I hoped she woudldn't. So she wrote me like two page detailed email explaining that it might just be her own views, but in her experience when you are in a relationship, you would always run into some kind of trouble, and eventually break up, while friendship is something that would last. So from her perspective, having good friend is even "more" than having good partner since "partners are supposed to come and go, while friends are supposed to last". She also told me that given my issues with self confidence, I need someone to give me a lasting support. Friends are the ones to whom I can always go with my problems and who will always tell me that I am "absolutely wonderful". However, if I have a partner, they would no longer be able to tell me that, after I ended up breaking up with them. Of course, she added that there are different perspective on the issue depending on whom I ask. This is just her personal views. She also added that she had her own dramma which probably influenced her views.

Anyway I gave up for a while since I was going to hide my true intentions of changing her mind. She was sending me few more emails asking me how I was doing, but I haven't been responding to them because I was pursuing three women with whom I DID have a chance for relationship so basically I spent all my online time talking to them.

Then comes the September. When I got a new project with my advisor, as well as found few more girls with whom I was happy, I decided to write to her an email telling her that now I am finally "happy with myself" so why can't I "have another chance". At first she didn't know what I was talking about. So she basically said that she doesn't think I have ever done anything wrong with her. In fact she misses talking to me. So "you can have another chance if you want to, but I don't think you need any".

Then I clarified to her what I meant, namely a chance at relationships. She responed that yes relationship is possible, but she wants to take it slowly to get to know me better before pursuing things further.

I think there was something that made me doubt what she said although I don't remember what it was any more. What I do remember is that I responded by "digging" into something that she wrote and telling her exactly where I am "confused". She responded by telling me that there was another guy with whom she was trying to pursue something, but he cheated on her and ended up being with someone else. Finally he broke up with that other girl, and now she is seriously considering getting back with him. Even though he cheated, he seems sorry, and he is sincere about it. She is still very much in love with him. HOWEVER, she is still undecided whether she wants to have a relationship with him or to be friends with him. She said that, ironically, she loves him so much that she doesn't want it to be ruined, and in case that they do have a relationship, it would be more likely to go bad. But she is still thinking of whether or not she wants to pursue it.

At the end, she added that she "wasn't exactly leading me on when said that 'us are possible' " she only meant "anything is possible".

Interestingly, she even asked for my own advice on the issue with the guy and what do I think she should do about it. I deliberately tried to be "even handed" by suggesting her to still consider him for a relationship, in order to hide my true agenda. But of course I inserted statements here and there that if it clearly doesn't work out then may be she is right she has to leave him.

However, the next couple of days I couldn't help, and I asked her when did she met that guy. I admitted I was "selfish" but I just wanted to know whether I would of prevented her from meeting him if I haven't told her how miserable I was, just so that I won't feel "angry at myself". To that she answered me that she met him before she met me, although only few days before. She said that actually he was the one who have shown her the dating site where she met me.

I didn't respond to her last email because once again I felt like there was nothing to pursue. Then less than a week later she wrote me again begging be "please don't not talk to me because of my dramma. I really need some friend to talk to to make me feel better and tell me that it is just .... a step". I responded by telling her what she asked me to tell her, although I was rather brief. Then few days later she wrote me another email and apologised for having been so "selfish" and asked me to tell me about my school and how I am doing in general. I told her she has nothing to worry because I was more selfish than she ever was, and told her how I was doing. I took some advice from a dating tips that I was getting by email, including the one that if a woman rejects a relationship with me, I should show her that I have plenty of other women to go to in order for her not to see me as "loser" -- which is exactly whom Katie saw me in May when I told her I was miserable. So to answer how I was doing I told her that I was about to date a girl in a week and have a couple more to go to in case she doesn't happen, and I am totally excited. She was glad that I found someone and wished me luck, although she added that she doesn't htink I need luck, but she still wishes me luck because that makes me happy. I guess when she said she doesn't think I need luck she was referring to her statement that I need friends more than relaitonship.

Anyway, then in November she joined hi5.com and invited me to be her "friend" in that network. So this brought me to the following conversation with her. It is still saved, so I will cut and paste it and insert my comments in blue

MYSELF

So how is your boy friend?

KATIE

no boyfriend, wish i could say there was (PLEASE NOTE: SHE JUST SAID SHE WISH SHE COULD SAY THERE WAS A BOYFRIEND. LATER ON WHEN SHE WILL REALIZE I WANT MYSELF TO BE HER BOYFRIEND, ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE WILL SAY SHE DOENS"T NEED A BOY FRIEND BECAUSE SHE HAS TO PUT HER ACT TOGETHER AT SCHOOL). how about your girlfriend? Sorry I havent written, been busy with work and school. Trying to find another job has been the hardest part. But I hope we'll get to talk more soon.
Take Care hun,
-Katie

MYSELF

As I wrote you earlier that girl lasted only untill the first date and at that point I ruined it. That was a typical pattern so I basically just lost all of my prospects in a row.

So, are you still hopping to get into a relationship with that guy? If not, do I have a chance with you?

KATIE

A chance with me? I thought we were going to be friends? (PLEASE NOTE: AS WAS MENTIONED IN THE BODY OF A STORY I ALREADY TOLD HER IN SEPTEMBER I WAS SORRY ABOUT ONLY WANTING TO BE HER FRIENDS BACK IN JUNE. THE REASON SHE DIDN"T CHANGE HER MIND HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME, BUT WITH THAT OTHER GUY. NOW THAT OTHER GUY IS OUT OF THE EQUATION, SO LOGIC TELLS THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE REMEMBERED WHAT WAS SAID IN SEPTEMBER. BUT DON"T WORRY I WILL REMIND HER IN THE COMMING EMAILS) Yes I still have hope for a relationship with him, but for the most part Im not looking for anything at all. I would definately love to see a pic of you though, would that be possible?
-k

MYSELF

FIRST EMAIL:

As I said earlier I was sorry when I told you I wanted to be friends back in June because back then I was upset about Anne and simply wanted to make ppl feel sorry for me more than anything else. I think I explained it to you in September. REMEMBER THAT EMAIL WHEN I ASKED FOR A SECOND CHANCE. You told me then that you were hopping to get back with that guy.

Either way, I wish I could un-say everything I told you during the summer about only wanting to be friends with you among the other things because I was just driven emotionally because I was hurt.

SECOND EMAIL:

YOu said you weren't interested because I can't love untill I love myself first. But as I said I was upset during June. I don't feel any more all the things I wrote to you because, at the very least I am happy about my academic progress. Back then I felt totally miserable which is why I came across that way. It is no longer the case. So I shouldn't have told you I only wanted to be friends. I simply didn't care at all.

KATIE

it has nothing to do with you (REALLY? IN HER COMMING EMAIL SHE IS GOING TO TELL ME THAT ACTUALLY SHE LOST HER INTEREST BECAUSE I TOLD HER THAT MY EX GIRL FRIEND WAS FAT AND SO SHE DECIDED SHE WAS "WASTING HER TIME". OF COURSE I WILL HAVE TO CONFRONT HER WITH SOME OF HER INCONCISTENCIES BEFORE SHE CAN BE HONEST) . in fact I would love to be able to be in a relationship with you (WHAT DOES SHE MEAN SHE WOULD LOVE TO BE IN A RELAITONSHIP WITH ME? IN HER FUTURE EMAIL SHE WILL EXPLAIN TO ME EXACTLY WHERE I TURN HER OFF) and have fun getting to know more about eachother but right now I have too much on my plate, so to speak. I am getting my act together in school and work and All i need is a good friend to spend time with (BUT SHE TOLD ME IN HER PREVIOUS EMAIL SHE WISH SHE COULD SAY SHE DID HAVE A BOYFRINED... ) . Besides I think that if you approach a situation with friends in mind then it makes everything go a lot smoother (SHE CONTRADICTS HER OWN ASSUMPTION -- REMEMBER WHAT SHE WROTE IN ONE OF HER PREVIOUS EMAILS "a chance with me? I thought we were friends?" SO OBVIOUSLY HER RULE OF A GAME IS "NOW OR NEVER". BUT NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE CHANGED HER RULES INTO "TAKE IT SLOWLY") . I do want to continue to get to know you, and dont think I am shooting you down point blank (IN OTHER WORDS SHE DOES SHOOT ME DOWN, JUST NOT "POINT BLANK") , I just want to get my act together and make new friends.
-k

MYSELF

FIRST EMAIL:

FACT: When a woman doesn't want a relationship WITH ME, she will tell me something general alone the lines that she has too much on her plate. Among dozens of women who ever rejected me I can only think of very few who told me that there was something wrong with me. The rest were busy or had a crisis of some sort.

Now lets look at what you said:

a) JUNE --- I can't be happy with someone if I am not happy with myself

b)SEPTEMBER (AFTER I SAID I NO LONGER MEANT WHAT WAS SAID IN JUNE) --- relationship is possible, through friendship.

c)SEPTEMBER (few days later) --- You were obsessed with that guy, you just said part b because "anything is possible"

d)FEW DAYS AGO -- "relationship with me??? I thought we were friends"

e)Now --- you would LOVE to have relationship with me, you just have too much on your plate right now.



Now lets read PART D again. I assume that is the most honest answer among the five, because there is no reason in the world why you would say PART D without meaning it. So, what you told me now (part e), specifically the part that you would love to have a relationship if not for blah blah blah and that later on may be it will happen, FLAT DOWN CONTRADICTS PART D, so I presume it is a lie.

Now lets look again at part d very carefully. You said "you thought we were just friends". Now lets review part b where I told you I no longer meant it. Were you reading it??? It sounded like you were, after all you fully acknowledged what I said and your first response was that relationship is possible through friendship and your second one was that it was all because of guy X who no longer exists. Thats why I didn't bother repeating the appology I wrote in september because I assumed you heard it. But now you said you thought we were just friends which means you didn't hear it.

Even if not for part d, why am I to believe you when you say something is possible down the road if you said that exact same thing in part b, and then in part c it turned out not to be the case.

I also remember how you asked for my horoscope, etc. So yes you WERE considering a relationship IN THE PAST. But you see it is all about fucken ping pong. So if I miss a ball the rules of the game is that I strike out. But there is ANOTHER rule to a game -- when someone strikes out they aren't being told they strike out. Instead, their prospect has too much on their plate. So yah, the real thing is whatever I said to you on day 1, whether you acknowledge it or not.

And by the way that is the very reason I am single. Because the simple mathematical probability tells me that I HAVE to screw out SOME time. So UNTILL I screw out I keep playing and am given more and more chances to screw out. But ONCE I screw out, oooops I strike out, I have NO chance in the planet to make up for it. Do you remember how I told you I blown so many women in a row? That is the very reason it happened. They alll LOVED talking to me UNTILL I DID ONE LITTLE THING WRONG. And AT THAT POINT I stroke out. It didn't matter that we got alone perfectly for 3 weeks UNTILL that time. Once I strike out, I am done.

Well, with you it happened during first day instead of three weeks later. And no it wasn't the same thing as with others. Once again, probability tells me that every time you screw up on different issues. I can't even predict wht little thing would "get me" next time. Well, with you it happened to be my bad mood and a COINCIDENCE that that was the time I happen to RUN ONTO you. Ya know, first impressions tell the most, and that is so fucken shallow.

Now I simply don't get why most women have to fucken lie to me. Sometimes they just don't KNOW everything inside me so if they were to just fucken be honest wiht me it would solve so many issues.

SECOND EMAIL:

You wrote " I am getting my act together in school and work and All i need is a good friend to spend time with. "

---- Then why were you on that fucken website???

You wrote "Besides I think that if you approach a situation with friends in mind then it makes everything go a lot smoother. "

--- Compare it to something else you said --- "chance with me? I thought we were friends". So you DO realize that friend is NOT just to make things smoother but it really means that things will never happen. So the statement that it is just to make things smoother is a type of sugar coat.

You wrote "I do want to continue to get to know you, and dont think I am shooting you down point blank, I just want to get my act together and make new friends. "

---- So how long does it take to get your act together? Do I have a chance after that happends? MY GUESS: "I don't know how long". Why not? Because I don't have a chance. Ever.


THIRD EMAIL:

You wrote "it has nothing to do with you. in fact I would love to be able to be in a relationship with"

---- That is a blatant lie. If you LOVED to do it, you would of done it when you were looking for it last Spring. Okay fine suppose I corrected myself or whatever. Still, why would you LOVE to do it if you don't even know me??? You are saying it because you have some OTHER reason, so you might as well not talk about the REAL thing.

You wrote "I am getting my act together in school and work"

---- That isn't what you originally said. YOu said "I thouight we were just friends". So this isn't because of NOW at work. That is because of our decision back at June. Even if I said I was upset and didn't know what I was talking about.

YOu wrote "All i need is a good friend to spend time with. "

---- Exactly what is the TIME FRAME of putting act together? How about FUTURE? Do I have a chance for future? Besides semester is almost over so what do you mean you are STILL getting your school organized? And also what about winter break?

You wrote "
Besides I think that if you approach a situation with friends in mind then it makes everything go a lot smoother"

---- You aren't being consistent with your rules of the game. From your previous email you said that I don't have a chance because we decided to be friends. So your rule of a game is NOW OR NEVER deal. Now you are saying your rule of a game is taking it slow. Thats a fucken contradiction.

You wrote "I do want to continue to get to know you, and dont think I am shooting you down point blank"

---- Well you aren't shooting me down POINT BLANK. So you are still shooting me down somewhat. And you DON"T THINK that you are shooting me down point blank, so may be you DO, you jsut not sure.

You wrote " I just want to get my act together and make new friends".

---- Again, doesn't getting act together have a time frame??? THAT IS A CLASSICAL THING ALL THE WOMEN DO. THEY WILL BRING UP SOMETHING THAT HAS A TIME FRAME AND THEN IGNORE THE TIME FRAME AND MAKE A FOREVER-TYPE IMPLICATIONS IN TERMS OF RELATIONSHIP. WHy do they do it??? Because they have other reasons not to want to be with me.


FOURTH EMAIL:


Here is the quote from the first email you wrote few days ago "no boyfriend, wish i could say there was."

1)Why is it you said you wish you could say there was? I thought you were ultra busy at school and weren't looking for any? So I guess your deal changed because you aren't interested in *ME* specifically

2)Doesn't your busy days have a time frame?

3)So are you gonna EVER be in a relationship TILL THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? If the answer is yes, how come it won't be me? Are you saying your busy school and work time implies you can't be in a relationshpi with a specific person (myself)

ONCE AGAIN PLEASE DON'T FORGET YUOR OWN WORDS WHEN YOU SAID YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY YOU HAD A BOY FRIEND.

KATIE

I'm sorry I caused you so much...Actually I'm not sure what I caused, its hard to tell if you're hurt or just angry. Yes, I'm indesicive, yes I have no idea what I want from life, myself, or anyone else. And I am sorry that I didn't tell you from the beginning that I honestly wanted to just be friends. To be honest I did judge from the first conversation (ACTUALLY SHE ASKED FOR MY HOROSCOPE IN SECOND OR THIRD CONVERSATION, SO I AM NOT SURE IF SHE WERE TRYING TO RE-EVALUATE HER ORIGINAL JUDGEMENT OR WHETHER SHE MEANT TO SAY THE WORD "SECOND" AND ONLY SAID "FIRST" BECAUSE THE TWO WERE VERY CLOSE IN TIME) You said that you had had a relationship/friendship with a girl and during our conversation you mentioned that she was overweight...and the way that you said it turned me off. To be honest I am overweight and the way you said it made me feel that I was wasting my time.
Never did I expect you to respond in this way... SEE, IN OTHER WORDS EVERY SINGLE THING SHE EVER SAID UNTILL THIS POINT WAS A LIE but I guess I didnt know you then. SO SHE ADMITTED THAT SHE DIDN"T KNOW ME THEN, EVEN IF OUT OF POLITENESS. AS YOU WILL SEE FROM HER NEXT EMAIL, SHE IS GOING TO "LITERALLY" ADMIT SHE MESSED UP AND APOLOGISE. YET, SOMETHING WILL KEEP HER FROM RECONSIDERING HER DECISION. THATS WHAT I MEAN SHE IS BOUND BY "THE RULES OF A GAME", WHICH IS A POINT OF A POST
Enjoy school and I hope everything after goes smoothly for you.
-Katie

MYSELF


That is part of my Asperger's syndrome that social things are very difficult for me and in particular sometimes I can turn people off without knowing how. For example, I don't understand why I turned you off by saying it -- but I assume it is because of my disability.

I don't remember saying it to you, but I do remember saying it to other people, so I can try and guess what could have been context/reason in which I told you this.

Probably the reason I said it is that you told me that you were overweight and I was trying to REASSURE you by telling you that it is cool with me that you are, because so was my ex. My whole point was that weight doesn't matter, the intelligence does. In other words I was trying to give you a compliment, which is just the opposite to what happened.

So can we like openly discuss exactly where the misunderstanding was, so that you can change your mind if you see that you totally misunderstood what I meant?

KATIE

That has nothing to do with Asperger's. People do it all the time and they can't control it (IF SHE SAID PEOPLE DO IT ALL THE TIME, SHE OBVIOUSLY FORGIVES ME FOR IT. SO HOW COME SHE DOESN"T CHANGE HER MIND AS WELL?) [/color]. You need to understand that people are not perfect, sometimes they don't know what they're saying anymore then you do. Sometimes they don't know what to feel about someone or something until its right there and they feel it. Yes you have run into some ignorant and rude women/people in your life that have jumped to a conclusion before even knowing you but its not fair to assume that everyone is like that (I AM NOT ASSUMING IT ABOUT HER. SHE ADMITTED THAT SHE DID JUDGE ME, SO I JUST GO BY WHAT SHE SAID) . And yes I did jump to a conclusion but I didnt shut the book on you, by wanting to become your friend I wanted to continue to get to know you and reform my opinion because I did enjoy our conversation (YES I BELIEVE HER ON THIS PART. AND THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT MAKES ME WONDER WHY SHE WOULD NEVER EVER CHANGE HER MIND ON WANTING TO DATE ME IF SHE IS OPEN TO "REFORM HER OPINION". I GUESS THAT IT WOULD VIOLATE THE "RULES OF A GAME" TO DATE SOMEONE A LONG TIME AFTER KNOWING THEM, AND ESPECIALLY AFTER THEY ARE CALLED "FRIEND". SO YES, SHE IS WILLING TO REFORM HER OPINION. BUT SHE WON"T VIOLATE THE RULES OF A GAME, AND WILL STAY MY FRIEND) . But Roman, life isnt all about romantic encounters, they only make it better. Life is about friends and interacting with people that make you feel like you are being yourself. And that is hard to find. I need that, and I believe you do too. If something were to have come from that, it would have been better then any relationship you or I had had (THIS IS JUST A SHORT VERION OF WHAT SHE WAS TELLING ME BACK IN JUNE. IT WAS ALREADY ADRESSED FIRST IN SEPTEMBER AND THEN IN NOVEMBER WHEN I TOLD HER I AM NOW HAPPY WITH MYSELF. BUT THE POINT IS THAT IT IS IRRELEVENT. HER DECISION TO BE FRIENDS IS THE CONSEQUENCE OF THE FACT THAT I DID SOMETHING WRONG BACK IN JUNE, AS OPPOSED TO BEING CONSEQUENCE OF THE FACT THAT IT IS SO WONDERFUL) But yes I was immature and I went back and forth with my feelings and opinions. (THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT MAKES ME WONDER. I MEAN SHE ADMITTED SHE WAS IMATURE. IN OTHER WORDS SHE NO LONGER STANDS BEHIND HER FORMER THOUGHTS. YET, SHE STILL IS ONLY INTERESTED IN FRIENDSHIP. WHY IS THAT? BECAUSE THE "DEADLINE" FOR THE RELAITONSHIPS IS PASSED. SO THE RULES OF A "DATING GAME" TELL HER NOT TO RECONSIDER HER DECISION) But I was never the one to say that I knew exactly what I wanted. I guess the only thing I will apologize (DID YOU NOTICE THE WORD "ONLY"? IN OTHER WORDS SHE APOLOGISES FOR HAVING REACHED CERTAIN CONCLUSION, BUT SHE DOESN"T APOLOGISE FOR PLAYING ALONE WITH HER FORMER DECISIONS) for is being immature which is something I am slowly growing out of, but I am going to have to ask for you to not hold me in such high regard that you get upset when I make a mistake (I ONLY HOLD HER IN HIGH REGARD BECAUSE SHE HOLDS HERSELF IN HIGH REGARD -- NAMELY, EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS SHE MADE A MISTAKE, SHE BELIEVES THE RULES OF A GAME DON"T ALLOW HER TO CHANGE HER MIND IN TERMS OF HER DECISION ON WHAT TO DO, EVEN IF THE DECISION IS BASED ON A MISTAKE). I am human, just like you. (AGAIN, IF SHE IS HUMAN, WHY DOES SHE FEEL OBLIGATED NOT TO CHANGE HER OWN MIND)

AS WAS STRESSED OVER AND OVER IN ABOVE COMMENTS IN BLUE, IT MEANS SHE ASSUMES SOME NOW OR NEVER GAME TO A RELATIONSHIP. SO SHE DOESN"T EVEN CONSIDERS AN OPTION OF DECIDING TO DATE ME IF IN THE PAST SHE DECIDED TO BE MY FRIEND, EVEN THOUGH SHE ADMITS SHE IS WRONG. THIS IS THE MAIN TOPIC THAT I WANT TO BE ADRESSED IN THIS POST, NAMELY
DO YOU BELIEVE DATING GAME HAS RULES? AND IF IT DOES, WHY DO PEOPLE FEEL A NEED TO STICK WITH THEM EVEN WHEN THEY DON"T AGREE WITH THEM?

The only rule I have found in dating is that women will do anything they feel like. They like to play with men's hearts and feelings. But if a man goes back and forth with how he feels, thats wrong.

I think it isn't quite so simple as dating rules... she sounds like an NT, which means she uses a lot of instinct/intutition.

This varies greatly by person, so it isn't really possible to say why she acted that way without (myself) knowing her better...

You may have appeared desperate to get with her, and that might have reduced the attraction. Or she might have just lost interest over time. Or she might have changed her mind (for real) and thus really not be interested in guys anymore - or at least trying to tell herself that. Or....well there are lots of other possible reasons.

Sorry for not being able to give you a clearer answer.

OH MY GOD.... This is one massive post...

Has anyone thought that the very expression "hit it off" implies that it isn't about love but about hitting? Thats why i feel like the answer number two is VERY LIKELY to be the case.