Asking a guy out/Telling him you like him

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penny07960
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21 Jul 2008, 1:14 pm

hal9000 wrote:

women should not ask a guy out. that is the man's job.

And he should stay out of the kitchen, because "that is a woman's job"?
Shy guys don't bother me. Rigid guys, on the other hand, are a complete drag.

SIXLUCY
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21 Jul 2008, 1:17 pm

Your so hot Penny07960 & is that really a photo of you?

WonderWoman
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21 Jul 2008, 1:21 pm

I think the best approach is to not put all your social needs on wanting a bf. Join groups that do things you are interested in. You'll meet potential friends and potiential bfs who share your interests that way, and you're more likely to attract a bf because you are genuinely interested and enjoying the subject---like a swing dance class, or a photography class, or an evening computer class, or whatever it is you like...... And even if you don't meet compatible friends or a bf, you've had a good time enjoying your interest. With this approach eventually someone will show up.

That's how I met my last boyfriend, the one I asked to dance, and being loved for the first time for real changed my life.

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WonderWoman

Theta_Sigma
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21 Jul 2008, 2:23 pm

penny07960 wrote:

Cyberman wrote:

A woman asking a guy out? That's new. I would think that you wouldn't have to, since it's generally expected that the guy takes the risk of being rejected. After all, if he can't do that, then he must not be worth a damn, right?

Wow - your attitudes are like something from the 1950's.

Maybe he is not even aware of this young lady. Or doesn't think of her "in that way". I would give a lot of credit to any woman who has the courage to risk rejection in striving to achieve a goal.

That said, I would not "ask him out", per se. Instead, with some knowledge of a shared interest (e.g., jazz?), I would ask if he knew about the jazz concert this Saturday at such-and-such place. I would lead the discussion from there to feel-out his interest in the concert. Once I had ascertained that, then I might ask "would you be interesting in going? I was thinking of attending, but it would be more fun with a second person!" It is an "ask out" with a high degree of deniability!

I believe that this kind of approach (a) is non-threatening and offers a good chance of success, (b) is a "soft start" (it isn't like you are leading him on, and that he should have any expectation you are going to jump into bed with him that evening), and (c) a soft landing if he says "no".

If he seem uninterested in the concert (to continue with this example), drop it. Wait a week, and then based on a different shared interest, try again.

Good luck, Theta_Sigma, whichever approach you choose.

Penny

P.S. Re T_S’s profile, some day before I die I would like to understand people’s fascination with Dr Who.

Well thats pretty much it I don't think he thinks of me like that. We work together. We both like bowling (though Im not very good) so I guess I could ask him to go sometime. Thanks for the advice

As for the Doctor Who thing - I just love it - never really thought about why I do - I just do.

Theta Sigma

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Theta_Sigma
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21 Jul 2008, 2:31 pm

WonderWoman wrote:

I go to karate it's mostly women, kids and married guys - has been like that since I started 4 years ago. None of them really talk or interact with me except the really young kids - people find me weird - when I think about it Id settle for some good friends - coz I have none. I just want to feel loved as well alot of people I went to school with are now engaged or have been in a relationship for a long time and are planning on getting engaged, so it's got me down.

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penny07960
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21 Jul 2008, 2:42 pm

SIXLUCY wrote:

Your so hot Penny07960 & is that really a photo of you?

Yes, it is my pic, and thank you - but it is about 5 years old, and I use it because it was a bit out of focus - so even when it was taken it hid some imperfections. Vanity!

sorgenfri
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Joined: 19 Jun 2008
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21 Jul 2008, 2:43 pm

Theta_Sigma wrote:

WonderWoman wrote:

You are only 20. Its quite early to settle down. You should not be in a hurry, you have plenty of time to find a boyfriend. Dont push things because your earlier classmates are settling down.
You say other people people find you weird, how can you tell? have they ever told you or is it something you feel? I have never been told Im weird (thats not a very polite thing to tell people anyway)

Theta_Sigma
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21 Jul 2008, 2:52 pm

sorgenfri wrote:

Theta_Sigma wrote:

WonderWoman wrote:

People tell me I'm weird or strange or freaky or similar stuff all the time. Some people don't say it - but they ignore me when I try talk to them so I guess there they think the same thing - but they could think something completely different - I'm very bad at telling what people are thinking.

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penny07960
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21 Jul 2008, 2:54 pm

Theta_Sigma wrote:

We both like bowling (though Im not very good) so I guess I could ask him to go sometime.

That is excellent! Instead of "asking him out", perhaps you could say "I am embarrassed by my poor bowling skills - if you had any free time, could you give me a few lessons? You play so well..."

That might appeal to his ego and create an excuse for multiple get-togethers.

Then you just have to remember to not to monopolize any conversation with summaries of Dr Who episodes! :wink:

Theta_Sigma
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21 Jul 2008, 3:00 pm

penny07960 wrote:

Theta_Sigma wrote:

We both like bowling (though Im not very good) so I guess I could ask him to go sometime.

Wow you've never meet me and you know I talk about Doctor Who all the time. Well ok not all the time but alot of the time. I like the idea of appealing to his ego. Thanks

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sorgenfri
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21 Jul 2008, 3:05 pm

Theta_Sigma wrote:

sorgenfri wrote:

Theta_Sigma wrote:

WonderWoman wrote:

Where do you meet these people and in what kind of situations? Are they close to you (like family) or at school?
Sometimes when people dont know very much about a certain topic, a topic you want to talk about, they can be hiding their lack of knowledge and acting ignorant. Like looking down and avoiding eye-contact, so Ive learned.

sorgenfri
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21 Jul 2008, 3:07 pm

penny07960 wrote:

Theta_Sigma wrote:

We both like bowling (though Im not very good) so I guess I could ask him to go sometime.

I think Penny is giving you very good advices on have to ask him out!
Good luck! (and thanks for the lessons Penny

)

Theta_Sigma
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21 Jul 2008, 3:12 pm

[quote=

Where do you meet these people and in what kind of situations? Are they close to you (like family) or at school?
Sometimes when people dont know very much about a certain topic, a topic you want to talk about, they can be hiding their lack of knowledge and acting ignorant. Like looking down and avoiding eye-contact, so Ive learned.[/quote]

I meet them all over. I tend not to talk that much, I try join in their conversations even tough sometimes I have no interest in them at all - my mum said I should because "thats what people do" - thing is most of the time I have no idea what there on about. I am currently in the middle of the diagnostic process - it'll sure explain alot if I do have asperger's. It'll stop me feeling me weird

Im not a weird NT, Im a normal Aspie kinda thing

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pbcoll
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21 Jul 2008, 3:37 pm

penny07960 wrote:

Cyberman wrote:

Wow - your attitudes are like something from the 1950's.

Yes, it'a a stupid rule - unfortunately it's one most women abide by. You didn't make the rule, I didn't either, we may not like it, but it's there. It must happen all the tme that both the guy and the girl are interested, the guy mistakenly thinks she's not (because we don't actually read minds) or is unsure and too shy, and they never date.

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sorgenfri
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21 Jul 2008, 3:37 pm

[quote="Theta_Sigma"][quote=

You will still be the same person after the diagnose is set. Its how you deal with it that matters. Do not make it an excuse for being different or cut off from rest of the world. Try to make the best out of it, find things you are good at, and look forward. You have asperger but thats not all you are.

greenblue
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21 Jul 2008, 3:55 pm

I think is nice and even sexy for a woman to ask a guy out.

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