Asking a guy out/Telling him you like him

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That is NOT my attitude... I was being a little sarcastic. But the problem is that a lot of people STILL think that way. You see, I would count as a "shy guy" because I would never be able to work up the nerve to ask a girl out. Guys like me are considered "weak" or "insecure" and therefore unqualified to be boyfriends.

And as for Doctor Who... While I'm not as into it these days, it has been a favorite show of mine since I saw it as a kid on PBS. The Cybermen were my favorite Doctor Who monsters.

Sorry! I missed your sarcasm. I am often accused of taking things too literally.

No problem. It's an Aspie thing.

I think it's okay to ask a guy out. Just keep it simple.

I'm going to get coffee, want to join me?
I want to see Batman this weekend, want to go with me?
Let's go grab some dinner, I'll drive how about TGI Fridays?

Basically don't call it a date, ask if he'd like to join you or go with you and I bet he takes it from there. If you ask him out though, you should be prepared to pay for him too.

If I ask a girl out and she says no 100% of the time she breaks off the friendship (or else she distances herself). On the other hand every time a girl has asked me out 100% of the time I'm very nice about it and remain friends in the same way with her. So I'm now at the point where I will not do any asking because I will always lose something if the girl says no, while they basically lose nothing in asking (maybe some inflated ego if I say no but I'm always polite about it). It has nothing to do with shyness. So don't let it get to you, have confidence in your worth as a boyfriend and let the right girl do the asking. I know I'm much more attracted to girls who have the confidence to make a move.

My theory is that since boys have more experience being rejected we are more sensitive when we reject someone. I have seen some girls reject boys in ways that make me clench my fists, but thankfully I think those girls are few and far between. Really I must of just been asking out the wrong girls.

She's not the only 20-year-old trying to settle down...

It's not an issue about competing with classmates, it's about seeing those classmates finding people while we are all alone. Like the OP, I have not had a significant other in my lifetime (although in my case, it would be a gf). I've gotten to know a few women through the church I go to and the drama group I participate in, but overall nothing substantial developed, partly to my inability to break the ice (as mentioned earlier), and partly because by the time I'm ready to go somewhere with that, she's already moved on...

Sorry, I missed your sarcasm too and Im not considering shy guys unqualified to be boyfriends. As I mentioned earlier they can be the most honest and nicest guys of them all. I hope I didnt offend you in any way, it was not my intention to do so.

I asked my boyfriend out. Then he asked me out. Then I asked him out. Then he asked me out.

I'm glad I did. It's silly to wait around, expecting someone to catch on that you would like to date them, when you are not acting in accordance with your own desires. It frustrates me that girls think it's cute and attractive to always and forever let the boy make the first move. Is there any good reason for it, whatsoever?

When Ive had major crush on a guy. I cant talk properly, my words come out all wrong and he's like.. WHAT
Its so embarrasing when ya try to put on good impression but eh who cares as long as you can catch it.

Last edited by SIXLUCY on 23 Jul 2008, 5:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

I agree.

That's a reasonable approach, but it won't work for shy guys, because we're seen as "weak." In most cases, girls won't ask us out because of a lack of interest, not a lack of "confidence" to make the first move. The reason that "not asking" works for you is because, as you stated, you're not shy, and therefore you're not seen as weak.


Interesting. My theory is that a lot of guys turn into jerks because they actually get de-sensitized from being rejected over and over. They have to be somewhat predisposed to being jerks, of course, but I'm pretty sure that rejection contributes to their insensitivity.


That's OK, I wasn't offended.

It's likely a thing that could go eitherway. Like you say, I think it's mostly that guys that are predisposed to being jerks that end up that way through being rejected. For more sensitive types, it'll just deplete from their confidence and will be less prepared to ask someone out the next time.
Although a lot of people would say that being a jerk is simply a defence/coping mehanism for people who ARE sensitive, but don't show it...
Gah, the human mind is a messed-up thing!

It was the first time I had even dreamed of asking someone out, and most likely the last time ever too. I had the biggest crush on my friend during senior year. I asked him to go to my Prom with me and he said "sure". (we went to different schools). It didn't work.

The catch is, we both have Aspergers, so neither of us could read each other's intentions. The whole thing was a mess. I don't think that he ever caught on that I liked him. I psyched myself out into thinking he liked me back. And he was sure that we were just going as friends, which we were. I was doing everything to believe in this false relationship, although somewhere in there I knew I had gone nuts.

The first sign of a problem was when he told me that he was attending another school's (neither of our schools) prom with this other girl. I was really upset for a few days although I knew that "politically", he was correct. So I let it slide. The final doozy was when he canceled the date because he got a girlfriend. I was really mad and sad and everything else someone is when they get rejected. I felt as though he had led me on and that this was all of his fault.

In retrospect, I think things worked out for the best, because at the prom I realized that I had a much better time with just my girlfriends. I still think what he did was rather rotten, but I forgave him eventually; it took me a while of feeling sorry for myself. I decided to give up on asking someone out not because I think a girl should, but because I can get by that way. Society allows me to lean back, hit cruise control, and just wait for a guy to come my way. It sounds pretty lame with the more recent cultural changes and the new emphasis on girls standing up for themselves. It's as if I, being a girl, should want to stand up and take charge; and be wrong about it too. I know that if I had just the right trick and style, I should be able to pull off asking a guy out, but it's just not my style. I like the traditional "boy meets girl" standards and I like being pursued. It's a fresh break from my experience a year ago when I pursued him strongly and got no reciprocation. Being asked out by a guy puts me on top of the world (for a few days, then nothing works out and I'm bummed about it). At least I found a way to be content with myself.

This is why I believe in just being honest. If you like someone, ask them out and tell them that you like them. You will never know if you don't try and life is to short to play games and wonder. At least you'd know for sure where you stand.

Yeah girls shouldn't ask, i personally think. That's not to say you can't or shouldn't give out some signs that will metaphorically be saying "uh... you asking me out or not?" , just dont be waaaayy too cocky and he should get the message fairly quick and give back an offer to go on date ...hopefully.

I really don't think in gender stereo typical ways that's being pressed on to by society. There are no rules for a man asking a woman, or a woman asking a man or a man asking a man or a woman asking a woman, or a transgender asking a.... etc etc etc.

I am not good in asking for a date or tell somebody I like him/her, but if the feeing is strong I will just ask, otherwise you will never know. I have done this with my ex. I walked up to him and said "Hey I like you. Can I run away now?" He told me I shouldn't run away... Shame he ran away from me after almost 2 years...