Lost For Words
Ellos My boyfriend has Asperger's and I adore him yada yada etc however he gets extremely depressed alot and I want to be his pillar of support the only problem is I have ADD and I am not so great with words as I see words in my head but don't know how to get them out, anywho ... How do I go about boosting his confidence without sounding like a monsyllabic fool?? Any AS dudes out there with girlfriends in same situation?
I am fully aware of the whole non ambiguity thing, I know exactly what the condition is about so please don't give me the 'make yourself clear' shpiel as it doesn't asnwer my question >:)
Many thanks.
HRH Swan.
Haha, wow, I used to be in the same exact situation.
When verbal niceties were worn, I appreciated being simply hugged, listened to, or engaged with in small mental games. There's also sharing new things, such as, "Did you know x?", which if you catch his interest with it may get his mind off his own sorry butt. Also video games. In general I would say to not directly approach whatever problem he has, but use indirect means of suggesting that it's not as big a problem as he thinks.
I read somewhere about this technique being somewhat successful with the MBTI type 'INTP', the type which corresponds most immediately with many signs of AS. It stated in a simpler way to suggest something, instead of making it seem a direct order.
![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif)
I am fully aware of the whole non ambiguity thing, I know exactly what the condition is about so please don't give me the 'make yourself clear' shpiel as it doesn't asnwer my question >:)
Many thanks.
HRH Swan.
A current Single young man I am.
But I can say this much, that just being there in the same room as them reminding them that you're there for them always works.
_________________
I want peace for all. Simple yet elegant.
Make a list of compliments/sweet nothings. Memorize them if you have to. Use them randomly.
Write down what you want to say. Then, either give it to him, or say it out loud. Either way, it gives you time to figure out exactly what you want to say and how to say it.
Ask him what he would like to hear, to cheer him up or make him happy.
Keep in mind, if you say something like "I'm not really good with words, and I've been trying to think of a way to say how really great you are and stuff, but I can't really come up with the right way to say it.", then you have a) said how really great he is, and b) mentioned that you consider coming up with new ways to be nice to him to be well worth your time.
I read a story one time in a dating book somewhere, talking about a husband and wife driving somewhere. The wife started saying something bad about herself, feeling useless or worthless or something. So the husband pulled over, and turned to his wife and started listing off all of the wonderful things about her, not repeating himself, but leaving no stone unturned and being rather thourough. It took him about 15 minutes to run out of things to say about how wonderful she was.
Specific words probably mean less than the fact that you mean them.
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"A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it." --G. K. Chesterton
This is something my girlfriends had trouble with, usually when we Aspie guys are very depressed we want something ( NO not that ....) , in my case it was just someone to listen me talk and talk and have her nod her head every 5 seconds, it also made my depression clear away whenever she hugged me , but since i didn't want to be mr. clingy i didn't discuss that too much with her. So yeah ask him what he wants ( insist he tells you,if gives the vague "nothings wrong" ) , depression may be chemical or hormonal but when we are depressed even the little things will have a HUGE negative OR positive effect.
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