When ideal to tell lover your an aspie?

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I work it in early in all my relationships, well before they become my lover. My main tactic is to slowly work into the conversation one of my autistic "talents" such as the ability to hear higher pitched noise or feel the vibrations of someone walking past my house and then say nonchalantly that its due to my autism.

Some people are put off but hey... mostly people aren't

xoxox

I tell her straight away, first meeting or second meeting. But then almost anyone knows I have AS. Family, colleagues, friends, ... I make no secret of it, I don't see the point of hiding something I am not ashamed for. So I am very open about having AS, so when meeting a nice girl I don't see any reason to hide it. I think it would just come spontaneously, I would not think about a right moment or time to tell, it will just be told whenever the subject would spontaneously come across. Which may very well be early during the first meetings. If she judges you for it, then she's not worth your attention anyway, no nice girl will judge you for it.

Speaking as someone who is NT, this is my perspective on it:

Just as with any conversation you have, make an effort to integrate it in whenever it seems related to the subject. For example, if someone you're dating notices an atypical behavior that's related to AS, you might casually say, "Oh yeah, actually I have Asperger's. Have you heard of that?" If they say no, you can briefly explain it. If they say yes, you can just continue your earlier topic of conversation or talk more about it, depending on their lead.

I'm on a dating site and somebody on there mentioned it on their profile. Since I'm interested in the syndrome, that didn't bother me at all, but for other NTs that might freak them out a little bit, the same as if you said, "Hi, I'm Tiffani, I have a clubbed foot." Not that it's the same thing, but you might want to hold off on the clubbed foot discussion until you're shoe shopping or they see your foot or something. Same thing with AS. Hold off until it's relevant, that way you're not throwing it in their face and expecting them to know what to say or do about it.

Also, I was interested in the earlier discussion about how some people have said they wouldn't have married their partner if they'd known they had Asperger's. To me that just sounds like b.s. People are who they are. There's a spectrum of personalities. True, some people who are farther to one side of the spectrum have a name for their characteristics, but giving it a name doesn't DETERMINE those characteristics. So unless this spouse had never met their aspie before they got married, finding out a diagnosis shouldn't change anything. It's how the aspie was before; now it just has a name.

Hope this helps!

Well...with Flakey...he just had to accept the fact that I am on Aspie board all the time....for the first several months he was very cynical about it...calling me a hypochondriac and constatnly denounced the notion that I might be on the autistic spectrum....um...even though he knew I had alot of idiosyncracies and dysfunctions all along.....which he chalked down to um....'general undefined craziness" and "low self-esteem"......His take was "There is definitely something wrong with you, but that does not make you an Aspie"......he gradually grudgingly has become more accepting.


With my other friend....I just sorta casually peppered it into the conversation....and he was like...oh yeah...I think i might have it too....(which he just might )

I tell everyone up front. It's either that or have it all end in disastrous and with me on a near mental breakdown from all the stress of "hiding". The curse is that I appear "normal", except for the meltdowns when everyone wondering what's wrong with me. I can only take so much overload (sensory, anxiety, auditory processing, etc) before exploding. So, in telling people beforehand, it is easier to prevent the blowups and them leaving me because I'm "crazy".

That, and at least I know the person or employment is the right "fit" for me. If they leave or whatever, then it was not meant to be because I don't want to date/work for someone who's not going to accept me for who I am, HFA and all.

Worked for employment; just wish it can work in the relationship department <different story altogether>.

i'd just tell em right away, i'm perfectly fine with my asperger's...if they find me interesting for it, then that's great...but if they're freaked out in anyway, they're clearly not right for me and i'll consign them to the dumping grounds...XD

I told one of my friends (who is a girl) that I was autistic and she was cool with it.

I told my partner about a two months into us actually being a couple, though we were extremely close for about a year before we got together and it was going to happen anyway. I wasn't necessarily worried about telling him, I just wanted to wait for the right moment. One night we were out and about and I needed to escape a bit, so I went for a walk... he followed and I just explained why I needed some space. He didn't seem to care, just asked a bit about it and then conversation moved on.

A month or two later I bought the book 'all cats have asperger syndrome' and showed him that, we sat in bed together one morning and went through page by page, with me explaining how the thing on the page related to me and my life, and he understood it far better that way.

I just figure that by the time you're together and dating it shouldn't matter too much because it doesn't change who you are, it just explains a few things. And if you're with someone for life then it's bound to pop up because no aspie is ever without a meltdown moment or overload or anything, so they have to know so they can help you and support you when you get like that, even if it's just making excuses to get away from a situation or something. No point denying it, and it can help them understand who you are and why you do the weird things you do.

If it is the right person, it can even bring you closer together. Trusting each other on something considered more private, can actually have a very positive effect. The girls I have been close with all knew of my AS in a very early stage and never made an issue of it, with one of them it was the contrary: she was very curious to hear the details of it and then started to trust me with her own psychological issues as well. It can create a bond.

I guess I am an open-and-out aspie though. i would even tell a random stranger on the bus. Why hide it? I cannot think of any honest reason to do so. The sole exception may be a job interview but even then I am somewhat against playing a masquerade because by telling straight away you know that if you are hired you will not have to keep up your mask.

i am often instructed not to bring it up with random people ...I do anyway......it often helps break the ice....I perceive that it helps some people understand why I may come off as "off" or annoying....or distant....or uncomfortable....or nervous...or overly sensitive...or standoffish...or blunt....or why I might not recognise them...or why sometimes I can't control the volume of my voice and will repeat the smae things over and over again...and so forth.....
I told some members of my bicycle group.
They seem a bit more tolerant of me now....but that could just be my perception....

First date.

It's part of my charm.

AS is one of the first things I tend to tell people about me when I'm being introduced to them.

I don't want any potential partner to just find out my negative sides later. Rather, I want her to know them prior to having a relationship and find me to be The Right for her in spite of AS.

Before death.