romantic woes

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There is a girl that I've liked for quite a while now, but I've been unable to tell her how I feel. I've spent the better part of a year trying to find some way to express myself, to no avail.

But this year, I have her and one of my other friends in the same class. (I don't think my friend even knows about AS, but I think he might have it, too. He fits the bill almost completely) The two of them have never met before, but its been about a week and they're already going out. They are the kind of lovey-dovey couples that don't actually seem to have any actual connection, they just exchange "I love you more"s and cuddle, but they don't even really have any shared interests. The problem comes when my friend and I try to do something, he brings her along. She seems bored and I feel uncomfortable around her and feel envious of my friend, and depressed that I can't ever seem to even start a relationship.

I don't actually have a question here, but I just need to vent. Thank you for reading.

I know exactly how you feel and I've been in the same sort of situation. The hurt will ease eventually, and then next time you like a girl you'll remember what happened, and be quicker to find a way to talk to her.

What I suggest is just becoming friends first.. and see where it goes from there. It really is as simple, and as complex, as that.

Yea go make friends with a different girl. Also, then you'll see if she's trying to make you jealous or doesn't care.

The girl you like, unfortunately, seems not to be very bright. And this mushy crap your friend and the girl you like is stupid. I'm going to whip out a major psychological principle on you (not major, jk ) called Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love. In it, perfect love (consummate love) is combined of 3 things: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. If you take out certain pieces of the triangle, you get different results. So let's look at your friend and this chick. They have passion (although this mushy I love you s**t isn't really passion), and they seem to have commitment. However they lack intimacy, therefore there love is called "Fatuous Love". Unless they have intimacy, they are doomed to fail, because without shared interests, what do they have but passion. Good news for you is that they're going to fail, but I would consider going after another girl.

My guess is that they're in highschool. Which means that they're teenagers. What teenage girl do YOU know actually knows that she wants and how to get it? You fall for people when you're younger than aren't right for you. You fall for people that don't seem right but end up being perfect. This things happen, they're young. And the mushy stuff is just some peoples' thing. I'm pretty mushy and gooshy and lovey with my current boyfriend and we're plenty passionate. Just because you think it's silly doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it.

Oh I already thought they were in high school, the dramatic "my best friend is dating the girl I like and they're doing mushy stuff" practically gave it away. Any person who is older and wiser would not flaunt their affections for each other so comically (but I have been mistakened before ).

You're entitled to your opinion, and you make a good point, girls and guys fall for each other all the time without thinking things over in high school and such. Even though I'm merely 21, I see such impulsiveness and lack of proper judgement to be rather foolish, but that is my own opinion. It puzzles me how people can be so bold and daring without first assessing the pros and cons. I will agree with you that mushy gushy stuff is fine, as long as it is properly mantained and controlled. The key to a successful relationships is intimacy, passion, and commitment. I tend to think of intimacy and commitment as the most important, passion is secondary, because when passion dies, you'll have intimacy and commitment to fall back on, aka companionate love. But in high school, commitment is little more than a joke, the real thing that is going on is passion primarily and intimacy secondarily. It is no wonder why high school relationships often fail.

Yes, we are in High School, all seniors.
And thanks for the responses, they really cheered me up.


I think one of the problems about this is that I, at the same time, both loathe my friend and am happy for him. I'm glad he found someone, I just wish it wasn't my someone. (or, at least, someone who I wanted to be mine)

I think there's no such thing as a friend. You're just in strategic alliances strategising for a female. Then when or if you find one and get married, you may have different friends.

Do you mean you just can't be friends with a girl? I don't get it.

Perhaps you should talk to your male friend and explain to them your feelings for this girl. Not in a way that's meant to make him feel guilty, just put it on the table and say that you're happy nonetheless that both are happy with each other. I think it may help you deal with your jealousy towards your male friend to have it out in the open.

As for a solution to your problem, the only think you can do is wait. You can't sabotage the relationship. If they're not meant to be together, they'll break up in due time. And I suggest if you do plan on courting this girl later, you discuss it with your male friend first. Not that you have to ask his permission, but it may just help ease any tension between you that might precipitate from making your move.