Okay guys, this ones for you

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I have only been on one date and I was asked out, not the other way around. Women approach me occasionally IRL but I can't handle it. I don't think there is much they can do to make me handle it easier it is really something I have to fix about myself. I have had women just say Hi to get my attention and I can usually exchange a few words back and that is OK. The stuff that makes me really nervous is all the non verbal stuff they do to try to get me to approach them, I always second guess whether it is really going on or if it is wishful thinking, or even what I would do if I did approach.

For approaching someone with severe social issues like me I would first say think twice about even bothering to do it at all. If a woman wanted to get to know me better anyway, then it would probably take multiple attempts over a period of time for me to get comfortable enough to start to get out of my shell and begin to act like myself. Online communication has worked for me in the past as far as helping me to be more secure with someone face to face, so exchanging email or some sort of instant message thing might help to get better acquainted with the really socially inept aspie guy. The only girl who ever expressed romantic interest in me did so right away but I was OK with that as I was interested in her too.

As for what I look for in a woman, the most important thing is that we have similar beliefs and world views if it is to be long term, and as many shared interests as possible and there also has to be physical attraction. These things are less important for something more casual or short term though attraction is still a factor. For friendship only the only thing of importance is that I find her interesting enough to talk to about various things, attraction would mean nothing and vastly different beliefs and interests could lead to some interesting conversation.

I can't speak for all the guys here, but I am not scared off if a girl asks me out. I've been asked out before, and after consideration as to what was best for me and the girl, I said that although I appreciated the offer, I wasn't interested, but that I still wanted to be friends. I may not understand if a girl is flirting with me at times, but asking me out, I DO understand that perfectly well.

I'm humored that guys would be freaked out about a girl admitting their feelings to guy. I understand shyness, but running away, that's too funny Well I can understand to a certain degree. Here is what I think is the case. Guys, very much like girls, have their particular idea of what is attractive and what's not. They have their eyes set on the girls they want, so when some girl they never thought of romantically (such as a friend or an acquaintance) before comes up and admits their feelings to them, it does freak them out. Hey, if it is the girl they like, Hooray! Hallieluah! Excellant (but that very rarely is the case). But for the other times it is awkward and uncomfortable. It would be like the most repulsive looking guy in school asking you out when you don't know him or if he's an acquaintance. You would freak out too, because you aren't attracted to him and he's not what you want.

In the same manner girls can be superficial and petty, guys are very much the same way. We will go for gold, and unless we've come to really care and appreciate a girl romantically, we won't take silver. You talked about the guys who rant and rave about girls being superficial and petty, well I'm one of them However I won't deny that guys go for the gold, when such expectations are unrealistic. Both sides can be superficial and petty, I think it just frustrates nice guys (like myself) seeing the girls we like going after what we know to be as*holes, which girls like you will only find out later.

As for what things do I look for in a girl:

Many autistic guys, ironically enough, have EXTREMELY high standards for what they want in girls they date. Humorous how most stay single so long but have such high expectations. I am guilty of it as well, and for that reason I have been single for 21 long, tedious years. But here are the things I look for in a girl:

Physically:

I love brunettes and black haired girls, not too crazy about blondes, I could work with redheads, but I have a thing for brunettes.

I also have a thing for beautiful asian women and foreign women of different nationalities, why not go for something new and exotic?

A cute or beautiful face. The face is what I look at the most, and thing I want to look at the most. I don't care if the gal is well endowed in the chest, the face is what matters most to me.

I like girls who are 100-150lbs. I don't think girls who are skinny as a stick are attractive, I like girls with a little muscle

If you pass this prerequisite, than there is only one thing left:

Mentally/ Behavior:

I like an intelligent girl, who has knowledge in subjects like psychology, history, interpersonal communications, philosphy, literature. Nothing bores me more than a girl who knows nothing but American Idol and fashion.

I like a religious girl, who has moral convictions and believes in honor and integrity. I want a Christian girl, Catholic or Protestant, doesn't matter to me.

I like a girl who is kind, sensitive, and romantic. Extroverted or introverted it makes no difference, as long as we have mutual respect.

I like a girl who doesn't smoke and doesn't go out and get wasted all the time. I don't do these things myself, and I would hope the girl I liked didn't do the same.

Finally, I'd like a girl who is faithful and true to me. I am not a player and I am kind and gentle, I want a girl to trust in me as muc h as I could trust in her

As you see, my standards are high, but if a girl I liked gave me a chance, I would be honorable, I would not get drunk, I would cheat, and I would do my best to please her. Even if I liked another girl and things weren't working out, I'd be honest and tell her the truth, I would NEVER cheat on a girl

See, that's the thing... if I don't have enough evidence to confirm that a girl is interested in me, then I have no choice but to assume that she isn't. That's why "playing it casual" doesn't work for me. How am I supposed to know if she regards me as a potential boyfriend, or if she's even available? It's too easy to mistake "friendliness" for attraction, and get accused of reading too much into something. I'm not going to risk humiliation and bad blood between us by asking if she's interested in me. To this day, I have to assume that no girls have ever been interested in me. I think the "friend zone" is probably the default status for all guys.

99% of the time the guy will ask the girl out if he is genuinely interested. Unless he's one of those guys that can't ever get the guts to ask a girl out then the woman needs to get aggressive. Every time I've ever been asked out a girl Ive had to blout out that lets be friends speech cause its kind of an annoyance.

When I was single, and a girl asked me out, I immediately re-arranged my schedule to accomodate her request. It's such a rarity for a woman to ask a man out that I treated it as a vrey significant event indeed.

The only problem is that 5 out of 7 girls had never heard of the idea that the person who does the asking also handles all the expenses - the man does not always have to pay. It seemed that when they said "Will you go out with me?" they actually meant "Will you take me out and pay for it?" Too bad that I had to learn this the hard way.

If you ask a person out, then you should expect to pay.

You sure as hell wouldn't scare me if you asked me out. Hell, I'd prefer it. It would spare me the nervousness I'd experience if I was to ask you out.

Looks are important too, I mean I have to be attracted to someone. But for me impatientce is a huge turn-off. Complaining about old boyfriends, work, or just about anything is a warning sign, especially if she does it non-stop.

I've never been asked out before, but here goes:

I very often wear things that represent things I am very zealous in liking or dislike (World of Warcraft Tee shirts, Obama campaign buttons, a shirt that has a picture of George Bush and says "Not my President" on it) and I would love it if someone commented on it. I would start talking about it until I would eventually feel comfortable sticking around for more conversation.