I am the XX year old virgin. Add your name to the list.

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Are you saying this thread has now become childish and shallow, or the stuff in the adult forum now?

I was just saying adult content "in general"... there's hardly anything "adult" about it.

okay...I just hope that's not a snipe at people who are actually taking sexual issues seriously.

Oops...I just realized this wasn't the adult forum...apologies to mods if I got too explicit.
A lot of the juvenilia in the adult section reminds me of youngsters turning 21 and getting legally wasted their first bunch of times at bars...I'm over it, but I understand why the younger participants come off shallow or immature.

Is this to me? If so, if I'd waited, it would have been on my terms. I didn't care for sex in the first place, never held it as important, and still don't. I don't feel any different now than I did. I think the difference is my mindset, because at 17, I told my mother I didn't want a relationship at all, at least in the way society expected it to be, and as for sex, I could take it or leave it.

Maybe the sole difference here is that I'm a woman. Most guys seem to place high importance on sex and whether or not they're getting any. If you ask me, that seems a bit passé, something more fit for a dating scene of the Pleistocene. Come on, guys, to be judging yourself based on whether you can get someone to, you know...do the deed?

Just a little tip: I've been approached by guys I'd bet money were after losing their virginity. Women can tell, and I even discussed it with my co-worker, who'd gotten some of the same guys. It's often very obvious when guys are trying too hard, especially for their own self image. The warning sign is when you're looking to get laid, and feel like dirt because you think you can't.

Learn to love yourself for who you are, as a whole individual, well before you go looking for it. Hell, even looking for it is sometimes a bad idea, unless you really think you've found your perfect match. Then don't give up! That's how I'm in an improbable relationship with my current boyfriend, and he was sure he'd never get me. He almost completely gave up, too. I fell in love with his mind, and he wasn't at all after me for sex.

I don't know if that'll help. and you certainly don't have to listen to me, but maybe give it a try.

I think I should get castrated before I "lose my mind" and forced to go to the same lengths as dtoxic or Aspie1. Not saying everyone else should, though.

"Maybe the sole difference here is that I'm a woman. "-Orbyss

Bingo.


"Learn to love yourself for who you are, as a whole individual, well before you go looking for it. " -Orbyss

I always did. I always knew I was smart, talented, compassionate, and with a lot to offer a potential mate. That made the twenty-odd years of rejection even more frustrating.

Why? I don't know about Aspie1, but dtoxic meant a sympathetic woman who helped him and is now his girlfriend. I don't see the problem and I don't see why you're so negative.

I think what I'm saying, here, albeit in a more convoluted way, is that a desperate man is almost always obvious, and that desperation sends most women -- at least myself and those I've known -- running for the hills. There are reasons why, of course, for those who care to hear.

So, any hint of that, it doesn't matter who you are or what you can provide, it can be very isolating. I'm not trying to say that's what has happened with you, Dtox, or anyone else here, but it's something big to consider. That's why I said to love yourselves first, relax, and pursue the woman you want for all the other reasons other than sex. In my experience with guy friends I find this is the best advice anyone could give. Hell, I've seen it work with a guy willing to take the steps. :D

And I brought up that it may be different since I'm a woman, but I'm almost positive that's because guys tend to be more susceptible to cultural expectations. Back that with tons of testosterone and there's going to be a problem. But I, too, have a very high sex drive (especially in my prime like I am), and I can feel the societal pressures of what's 'good' and 'bad' with sex, but rejected them early on, opting to focus on other parts of myself and others first. Really, I don't think there's a huge, innate difference between men and women, only a few fine details.

Last edited by Orbyss on 09 Oct 2008, 10:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Maybe, but not necessarily. I've passed up opportunities to have sex but that doesn't mean that still being a virgin now, at 28, is on "my own terms." Far from it.

And yes, the fact that you're a woman does make it different. As Bill Maher says, there is a double standard because their are two sexes. Men and women are very different and have completely different attitudes toward sex.

So, with respect, I don't think you can truly understand what a prolonged male virgin is going through.

One-night stands are not an option for me... neither is prostitution. I don't want to end up doing either one, and up until now, I've been confident that I wouldn't have to. But I find it very discouraging when someone much older than me caves in... it makes me question my own strength.

Last edited by Cyberman on 09 Oct 2008, 10:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Well, but you have to consider why they're different. Is it nurture or nature? Best I can ever tell, it's nurture. It's not all in the mind, but a hell of a lot of it is. I explained that in more detail above.

That said, believe it or not, I can empathize with the frustration and loneliness it can cause. I've witnessed it and, even on the occasion, felt it myself (though it wasn't entirely based on sex itself). Sexual issues can be murderously, horribly miserable for anyone if they let them be.

Last edited by Orbyss on 09 Oct 2008, 10:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Exactly! That's the point I was making before about stigmas and about prolonged virginity having an affect on other areas of your life. Guys like that may act desperate but not (only) because they're desperate for sex, but worried about their ability to have a real lasting relationship or what women will think of them.

Really? You don't think nature has men want to spread their seed in as many places as they can and has women want to harvest in firm soil?

Ah, I see now. Well, I can't speak for other women, but I'm personally not totally put off by insecure guys. As a matter of fact, a little insecurity can be 'cute,' and the warm feelings that come from helping that guy be more secure through positive feedback are very rewarding in themselves.

However, if I'm approached by a guy who's insecure about his abilities in getting laid, I flee. There's a pretty notable difference, sometimes. It comes off as repugnant and grossly self-centered and concerned, not just to me, but most women. I doubt all women can tell the difference, which is unfortunate, since many of them may just flee at any sign of insecurity along those lines. I personally can't blame them, but I can see both sides of it.

This is bringing back terrible memories of bad encounters, but that makes me speak it more from the heart. Seriously, a lot of you guys, I have no doubt, have promise. I can read it, I can see it, and it's distressing to see so many of you place importance on whether your c*ck as seen the insides of the fairer gender. You know what I'm saying? I know how frustrating it is, but if you believe in all the other stuff you have to offer, it will happen. It may have taken a couple decades for Dtox, but it still happened, very possibly as a result. Still, I see too much fixation on the actual act, and that's very possibly what delayed it for that long.

And remember, women have bad run-ins with desperate guys pretty regularly, especially in cities. It's a tough game to play, but if you approach it just right, you WILL reap the rewards.



Yes, but not much more than women, honestly. We all have genes we want to spread. Believe me, I feel that very strongly at the age I'm at. :D In a long-distance relationship, I know all too well the frustration not giving that drive what it wants can feel like, but that's why I also speak from some experience.

Oh, please, not that again. That's one of the reasons I unsubscribed from the love-shy forum in Yahoo. The women posters tended to downplay the seriousness of our pain and wanted to encourage us with words of hope, believing it would help.