expectations from your "dreamlover"

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how should be your ideal lover? An AS like you? A normal and sensitive one?

I hate "normal" people and the feeling is mutual.

Every single person that I am friends with currently and/or like as a human being is weird is some way I can pretty easily name. So, either normal people and me are a really bad combo OR there is no such thing as normal, hence why I can say everyone I like is weird in some way.

I'm not sure. I've never dated an aspie. I don't know whether it would be easier or harder than th NTs I currently pursue...

I could easily date an aspie under strict conditions.

But otherwise i'm pretty flexible.. but i put my foot down on the fact I would never date anyone with low self esteem or who is extremely insecure, or someone that has an intense personality.

As far as AS or NT, I'd probably have to go with NT because while the type of personality I'd want is in some aspies she'd just be impossibly rare to find (let alone single and interested). I think the biggest thing is finding someone who's just kinda lined up the same way I am, someone who doesn't sketch me out in terms of needing to put on a front to cover my inner introvert at all times, and doesn't mind that my bottom line personality or history doesn't really conform that well to the sterotypical guy. I think if any girl/woman is going to date me she has to do it because I make her happy, she's in it for herself and with me because I just feel like that right of a fit, and I think that would have to be on likeness of core personality (ie. back to having similar mental gearing). .Iinterests I'm neither here nor there on but it would be great if she had a perspective on her own interests that I really found interesting and could appreciate and it would be great if she saw where I was comming from with my own interests and equally respected mine. One absolute must though - character and integrety, she has to be real and have good self-directed honor about the way she treats people, sees the world, etc. If she feels she connects with me, if I feel I connect with her, if she sees moral character in a guy as a strength rather than weakness then that's what I'm all about. I need someone who's company I enjoy on all levels, someone I feel safe arround, and someone who feels that at home with me as well from her side.

As for looks I'm not particular on her needing to be *haut* or anything but to feel physically attracted to a girl unfortunately she does have to be at least somewhat cute. Then again I've met more than enough women who most guys just considered average but drove me wild just by having the right kind of edge, style, or personality. One of the reasons you'll never see me trying to mack arround here or shout out for dates is because as much as I hate to running the gauntlet and put myself up for judgement based on someone I don't even know I hate to do that to someone else (I know, really bad outlook to have based on the realities that are but I really feel like the whole dating scene and the system or acceptance/rejection as it is now is really disrespectful of bottom-line human dignity). One of my biggest tripping points with this in life is that I need to really converse with someone and get to know em, get to see if we're feeling eachother, and get to see where that leads me before I'd even say for sure that I like her - all before I'd even think about getting romantic.

I could only see a really weird person dating me who wouldnt try to change me and love me as i am. Perhaps not aspie, but very not normal.

I don't think my ideal exists...

Hi Hale Bopp,

From an experience I would say that sensitivity does not sound a promising criteria for the partner, neither absolute similarity. There exist no perfect much but at least ordinary day coincidence with someonein the library, in a coffee place, on the shore etc. is possible as long as you are alert and do not fall into panic. No-one notice from your outlook or gestures that you are an asperger. My friends have not still figured out it though we have known each others for years. While walking through parks, seeing parents playing with their children and adolescents giving hugs, you naturally feel emptiness deeper inside. On the other hand many of us aspergers use require in some extent the own space, peace, freedom and independence which competes with a close relationship.

As far as I was dating and almost got married (which luckily did not happen:-)), I noticed to expect very much from males who have invited me out. Here in Finland Catholic creative and academic men are hypotetic:-))

All the best anyway in searching and on your path!


Suvi