Am I just a late bloomer?

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That is very true. But it still doesn't seem that way no matter how many times someone tells you it's so. I guess I don't know what to tell you, since I wasn't ever really interested in "relationships" in junior high or high school...or now. I do know that I wouldn't continue to attempt conversation with someone who couldn't ever talk about something "deep." (Not all the time, mind you, just some of the time.) To be honest, short of being forced to answer a question in class, I spoke to three other people my entire 3 year stint in junior high: my counselor, my 6th grade honors science teacher, and my best friend.

IM wasn't around (or "in," rather) when I was in junior high (and it wasn't big until my sophomore year of high school), so I didn't have that mode of communication. I found that even if I wanted to have a conversation, there was either the social stigma of being seen talking to me (since I had a double reputation: one for being smart and the other for being a ret*d...I still can't figure out how I pulled that one off) or the fact that I really didn't want to talk about anything anyone else wanted to talk about. I just got over it, but that doesn't work for everyone.

I hope you figure things out. I'm sorry if I irritated you before. It is never fun to feel patronized.

Last edited by dexkaden on 03 Feb 2006, 8:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I knew I shouldn't of told you, no one f*****g takes a fourteen year old seriously, and that's the axiom of my problems.



I realize many things. I realize how deluded many people are, including myself at my age. I realize that many of my friends--in common human tragedy--are going to stay in the same little community for years, and that I will too if I don't work my hardest. I realize that in their little sociological circle they will f**k the same girls forever, unless any new ones move into the rural area. I realize that some of them might move out of the community and marry while the hormones are hot, but that they will fail miserably in long term and fight over more trivial things as the relationship stretches. I realize that many of these people "aren't" in a relationship--as you rightly said--but that they're in a little coy game of tag and kiss. And I realize that unless I actually do become better at forming relationships, I'll forever be the guy that just sits back and does nothing for the rest of his life. I also realize that I'll be the butt of all the jokes I am right now, if I don't get off my ass and do something. "There's Mason the queer." "When's the last time ya got a girlfriend, Mason?"

High School's s**t, and I don't know if you "realize" that or not, hale_bopp. I'm being disrespected by scum who are happy when they can make a D on a test.

So yeah, I don't know if you realize it or not, but I realize many things. I make it my hobby to realize, because I'll never learn anything if I don't realize.

And yes, I realize that High School doesn't last forever. But hell, I have to survive don't I? And I don't want to be walking stress bomb by the time I get out.

Now see here

You are talking to someone who has been through school, and has had the same problems as most other aspies. What they are saying is all talk. I know it doesn't make it any easier coping with it, but what i'm trying to do is make you relise you aren't "lagging behind".

It may not be until you're older and don't have to deal with it on a daily basis until you know that it was all talk what they say about GFs and stuff, but they are not the only people that are also 14 years old. They seem like a small group of idiots to me that represent about 2% of the population.

All I did was ride it out. I didn't know what else to do, and I relise that some thing are harder to some poeple than others? Is there a councillor you could talk to about this?

This is my first post, so "Hi. I'm Erin."

I'm 21. Last week, after avoiding one boy's phone calls for about a month (I'm "shy," so my avoidant behavior was justified and he KEPT calling), my roommate forced me to return the call and I ended up going on my first real date (one-on-one, possibly my worst social fear). After a whole week of "dating," I told him I just want to be friends. Dating was an overload of many things - people, socializing, small talk, anxiety, stress, percieved judgement, ect. I'm hoping I'll know when I find someone who is "right" for me, because I'll want to call them and be around them. If I'm wrong and this never happens, I guess I'll become a nun or an crazy cat lady. I DO love most cats!

High school was hellish; it gets better. My example isn't proof of this, especially as far as dating goes, but I think for most people post-highschool is better all around. Hang in there!

ps. ...not that understanding/or promise of the future makes it any easier to deal with on a daily basis.

Can you tell I'm bitter towards highschool?

I'm pleased you said that -- 'cause it gives me something to hope for. I'm in Sixth Form at the moment (I guess the British equivalent of American High School) and it's just hell. Everyone rips the piss out of me, etc. you all know the scenario. But because of the teenage hormones, I'm like into meeting girls but it never works. "You're weird". Can they just get over it? I'm 17 btw.

Erin-- Hello, and welcome to WrongPlanet.

Blanford-- I can relate to what you're going through, because 14 was the worst year of my life, by far. I'm 20 now and the emotional scars of my freshman year still run deep. Things were terrible, as I was almost completely isolated and harassed daily by people who were my intellectual inferiors. I'm just thankful I wasn't interested in girls then, because that would have made things even worse.

One thing you should ask yourself, however, is if you really want a girlfriend because you want the companionship, or if you just want one because it's expected of you. If you actually want a mate, then my only advice would be to just wait for the right person and the right opportunity, which may take a while to come ( it still hasn't come for me, admittedly ). If you're just looking for a girlfriend because you don't want people to make fun of you, then you should probably shift your focus to other things, things that interest you. It will save you a lot of stress to realize that just because people say that you need to be paired up as soon as possible, doesn't mean you do. To live your life based on what you feel is right, will be a lot less difficult than following someone else's social codes.

Granted, I realize that this is hard to accept, but it will help you to realize that relationships are about being happy with someone instead of winning other peoples' favor. You don't have to prove to the world that you can get a girlfriend; the people who think you do don't matter, and everyone else won't think less of you.

I was a late bloomer. I had no girlfriend until I was 16. Now I'm 17, and according to certain sources, spoilt for choice.

I'm 26 (almost 27) and a late, late bloomer. I haven't even kissed a girl.

I would say don't start to worry about it until you get to my age.

14 is a little to early to start worrying about being a late bloomer. That said don't give up. Make it a habit to stay social and keep trying, it gets much harder to develop good social habits the older you get so don't get out of practice.

To answer the question, I could be considered a late bloomer provided I ever manage to "bloom" at all. The seasons have been long and dry...

1)You are not a late bloomer. Some of your peers are rushing into things way too early. You aren't late. They are early. Trust me, their parents are in a cold panic that their kids are starting this so young because it means- like you suspect- that they will be stuck in the small town and stuck with a terrible job because they have to support the child they had in highschool.

2)You don't have to live in your small town forever. You are stuck in your school until you graduate. Once you are an adult you can live where you want. Not being in a relationship at 14 actully increases your chances of being able to move somehwere else once you graduate highschool. You will not get a girl pregnant and be trapped there. You won't have a long-standing girlfriend that you won't want to leave. You will find it easier to walk away and not look back.

A three year old thread gets bumped? What's up with that. It's not like the user is here anymore. Nevertheless I might as well answer the question and say I'm not even a bloomer yet so I'm very late. I'm like a 10 year old boy in a sense where I've never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, never been hit on, never asked any girls in my life because I'm terrified and I have no self confidence. The list can go on.

How embarrassing. I didn't even look at the dates. By now he's already out of highschool and presumably has that perspective that all the posters told me he'd get once he was out.