If you want a date, cut the inferiority complex

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Aggressive is good. I love it when the ladies are aggressive with me. That's the biggest turn-on ever. I don't want to whip out the old bus stop story again though. That's the only real time a woman's been aggressive with me.

I am reminded of the webcomic something positive. At one point one of the leading female characters laments that

'all we have to do is ring a dinner bell and shout "p****'s on!" to get a line of [men] around the block'

It's very different if you are a love-sick, yet bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, early arriver on the scene of romance than if you are the walking wounded like I am. Many of us on this board are sort of at the stage where we would like a date from someone, preferably breathing, and past that, it's all gravy. Well, what comes after the casual dating phase of things deserves some thought and frankly it's the sort of thought that nobody's going to give it the first time around.

Remember, you are allowing someone emotional access to you, possibly on a level no one has ever been granted and perhaps on a level even you don't fully understand. This person now has myriad ways to harm you. Think back to elementary school. That was fun, wasn't it? Let me tell you something. You have no idea, no idea in the world, how mean people can be until you've been in a relationship. I don't care how one-in-a-million the chance of you ever finding someone is. You have GOT to be sure that they have a sense of mercy. When you've failed them in some important way, when you've really pissed them off, and by God these things will happen eventually, don't find yourself with your balls in a vice and your mind in an endless storm of white hot pain. Nothing is worth that. Nothing.

-Frank

It's not about a lack of confidence for me, but rather, a hatred of small talk. I'll see a ringless women at a store, or restaurant somewhere that I'm attracted to, but I can never think of something interesting (not meaningless) to say. I don't want to ask stupid questions because I don't care about the answers.

Where do you try go get girls? Maybe you can try looking for ones a tad bit intellectual?

Wish I could offer useful input here . . .

But I can't.

Been through a dozen or more "relationships" some long, some short and after it's all over, I have no idea.

There are no rules, no guidelines, no criteria, no lists, nothing really works. Every single woman is different and there are no patterns that I can see.

Lately, I've taken the honest approach; I tell 'em I am completely clueless, no idea what is going on, and if they want anything to happen, they'll have to take an active hand participating. Oddly, this does work sometimes. Not always though. Happily, the ones that seem to want control rely on "the chase" to obtain it. Because I can't tell the difference between "the chase" and "stalking" that's a no go. Good outcome though.

Surely one can reach a compromise between being an obnoxious jerk and having a sub-zero self-esteem?

And tear both your soul and the poor girl's apart. As ye sow so shall ye reap; sow the wind reap the whirlwind. I have known neurotypicals give better advice - have you no thought for the consequences for yourself and others? Besides I associate the feeling of being willing to lose one's virginity with very nearly any female with desperation, with being alone in my bed at night, and with a darkening of the will that while it frightens me I refused to allow to dominate my life.

I have a pretty strong personality, perhaps just not the right one. You couldn't call me shy. I do have trouble making small talk, though.

say: "Hi. I find you cute and I'm going to talk with you for a little bit. My name's Alex." and just let things flow... if you don't find her cute, don't tell her that you do, obviously.

That works great if you want to be brought up on harassment charges.

DELETED.

Last edited by Cyberman on 30 Nov 2008, 11:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

blah blah cliché

I don't try to get girls at all. I don't want to say I've given up because that's not true exactly, I just don't try. I'd like to be in a strong relationship, but can't convince myself it'd be worth going through all the boring stuff in the beginning.

That would work if you can come up with questions and responses on the spot... which most aspies can't...

Due to "demand" I'm telling the bus stop story. So, I was at a bus stop in Seattle with my guitar. I was going to hook up with Charmaine Slaven of the Tallboys and play in a makeshift band for her clog dancing workshop. This girl asked me out of nowhere if I was a street musician. I said I wasn't but that I would be playing with some (check out the Tallboys, they're fun). So after some conversatin' we got on the same bus and she showed me to the place I needed to go. I then got her number. She was very aggressive, though, like I said. She was 39 and her name was Olivia, but I didn't care. I would've totally F'ed her if only we got that far.

Anyways, I talked to her on the phone and had to tell her I was going away to Portland. That put an instant stop to things and she stopped returning my phone calls. *sigh*