*Sigh* Love Poems just don't work.

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Wonder
By: Julien Edmund Moss

O, maiden, with your light brown curls of hair
Your tender words of friendship,
And gestures showing care

My thought to you, much like the ewe,
Are peaceful in the pines
And though from me, they are set free,
My love, for you- I pine

I made love to you in a dream
Could you say it wasn’t so?
I saw your library the same
Would you tempt me in the throe?

Note: This is one of my poems that will never make it. It's not even one of those poems where it's like, "I just have to tweak this." I guess I'm posting this as an example of what not to do in poetry. Anybody who wants to go ahead and tear this sucker apart should feel welcome to do so. I'll go first: I hate the part that says, "My love, for you- I pine." It's like it could be sung in a schmaltzy three-part harmony or something.

It is lovely! Very sweet and then a bit hot towards the end. Perfect combination!

So why haven't you sent it to "thy maiden"?

Good luck sending it to "thy maiden" without making yourself look like a 500 year old crazy guy...

"My thought to you, much like the ewe"

*raises an eyebrow*

... and rhyming 'pine' with 'pines'... just painful
having said that, the rhyme/half-rhyme scheme is just odd... the rhythm changes from stanza to stanza so the poem doesn't seem to just flow easily - perhaps a reflection of the poet's suffering?

How am I doing?

What are you like! Very funny. Come on, may be the maiden will like the 500 year old guy if he was perfectly preserved! Don't ask me what I mean by that as I don't know either! May be the maiden knows, may be she feels she was born in the wrong century - so the poem in sync with her! Maybe I should shut up!

Poetry is infact, INSUFFICIENT to make someone attracted to you who otherwise normally wouldnt be.

Well for some people peoty does do the trick, for some not <_<

Did you ever think thats because there were OTHER factors that made the poet attractive and so the poetry was in essence, the icing on the cake? Music seems to work MUCH better than poetry when it comes to impressing a potential mate; which is one of the reasons that rockstars get A LOT more action than poets do.

On the bright side, this means poets are less likely to be spreading STDs
Mind you... my bf did write me a limerick before we started going out... but it was a limerick - so utterly ridiculous and not remotely soppy.

Women don't go for the romantic or sentimental stuff nearly as much as the popular media would have you believe. Don't waste your time writing love poems, especially for women you barely know.

From living in the Southwest U.S. for my entire life, I could say that women here are generally more attracted to the d***heads who cite 'poetry' like "Yo, yo, yo! Can I get in ya pants, girl?"

It is a good poem though.