What are the chances of two-aspie relationship?

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Of course there are other ways to improve your social skills than being in a relationship. In fact I'd say that's a bad reason for wanting one in the first place.

It's amazing and disastrous. It's compelling and boring. It's hard and easy. All at the same time.

Wouldn't change it for the world.

OMG, I read your original as "PDD-NOS they need to kind of live as an NT" and wondered why "they" felt this way.

Not sure what you mean by 'live as an NT' - I've been accused of that, by people who barely know me, just bc I aspire to shower and attain and retain some measure of material security, bc I've managed to acquire enough social skills and manners, and suppress enough stims, to be halfway pleasant for most people to be around, at least as long as I can stand being around them.

But live as an NT, if that means smiling and nodding as boring people talk about boring stuff, not so much. Somehow I don't think that's what you meant.





That's surprising - in her lecture "Beyond Behavior,"
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpyVrGySZbI[/youtube]
Dr. Margaret Bauman says she gives the PDD-NOS dx when full-on autism doesn't seem accurate any more but an AS dx would be too mild and thus exclude the child from qualifying for certain programs. Maybe she's only talking about a state-created pigeonholing thing, though.

I could be wrong, but I would think that it would be rather difficult for a relationship to work if both partners were introverted. I know that some Aspies are extroverts, but the majority of us seem to be introverts.

If you had the same/similar special interests and were functioning at the same level, I think it would be a match made in heaven - you could pursue your interests together, and would be able to understand eachother on a level that an AS/NT couple simply would not be able to do.

Now, this begs the question: 'How would two aspies know how, when and whether to go beyond being really close friends, since you both have limited abilities to send and recieve social cues?'

I think that both people have to be willing to compromise on some things. If neither person, or only one of them, can compromise on some things, the relationship can be quite difficult.

I was in an experience like this recently. We lived anywhere from 100-300 miles apart during the correspondence, and she said she couldn't do anything long-distance. She said I wasn't communicating well enough, when I felt that I was (I was more open with her than she was with me on most things). And she said that my personality wasn't good enough (specifically, that I wasn't "directing or supporting myself" well enough--I've been doing that for years in fact).

I found the last two claims to a bit unusual, because we seemed to get along the three times we met in person, and there was a lot of good communication and displays of good personalities on both our parts. I just couldn't see why it was suddenly an issue with her.

She was not going to budge on the communication, distance, and personality issues. I, on the other hand, was willing to make compromises and offers as much as possible. I explained to her that the distance issues could be overcome, communication can be worked on, and personality can be improved. But she was insistent that all of those things stay constant, and rejected any compromise or offer I considered. Everything had to be her way when it came to relationships.

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 04 Jan 2009, 3:10 pm, edited 3 times in total.

While being on WP, another observation I've made is that most Aspie women tend to either harbor a lot of resentment towards Aspie guys, or just simply aren't interested in them. Some have a deep resentment of guys in general, in some cases to the point where they've sworn off relationships altogether. Those who are still interested in relationships seem to be more attracted to men who have traits which most Aspie guys lack. So I doubt that a healthy AS/AS relationship can occur in most cases.

That said, I think it's probably important to have shared interests in a relationship, and an Aspie's interests are more likely to be shared by another Aspie, but there's still that issue of compatibility.

Well, I think a lot of people have further extrapolated from that. If you have gauges, certain symptoms, but not the whole classic case, it usually indicates atypical autism which is what PDD-NOS indicates in 'not otherwise specified'. To me a lot of times it seems like Asperger's Syndrome and other variants of autism look similar but are on different parallels. For instance you have people who are LFA who have very 'normal' personalities, seem very typical when they communicate through keyboards, but they're nervous systems don't work. I tend to think that there is a broad spectrum of so-called aspies and even shadow-aspies (a term for milder-than-AS but still effecting and even determining life path) are actually milder gradiants of HFA - the "Hmmm....I don't undersrand that term... could you please define x" or the absent minded professor bit, or the literal thinking - not a part of their manifestation. Needs are usually based on your emotional structure; you either need certain things for gratification or you need others; that's where I think the difference is paradigm really comes in.

When I mention that often enough I think I'd do better with NT's (or at least non-spectrum neuro-atypical), I think its that I do emotionally get them but also they're closer to having my kind of inner core and being able to relate to me, what I'm into, etc.. Its not to say I'd never find someone on spectrum who's like that but it seems like looking for that is like taking something that's rare and making it double rare; ie. the likely hood IMO is almost nill that even if I did meet such a women that we'd even have the chance to make a connection, pass through all the red tape - it kinda seems borderline impossible (that and from what I've noticed of these forums; we have our norms of conformity almost to the same degree that anyone else does and I feel like I'm about as outside and esoteric among aspies as I am NT's).

right, I speak from experience here..

I have already been in 2 relationships where the female was also aspie, this is how they faired

My first girlfriend, who I met at college, turned out to be bossy and said I HAD to do this, I HAD to do that, I HAD to do the other, I didn't like that.. she recently, a few months ago, reasserted her bossiness into my life by making me go on a train, problem is I just wasn't darn well strong enough at the time to say no

Then there was, at the beginning of 2007, a fellow WP member, although this was a long distance relationship we loved one another very much and had visions of meeting, but that went pear-shaped also

I have preference to aspie females than NT ones, don't know why as I've never been with an NT, my ability to feel love was shattered around christmas.. but I know there is someone out there somewhere that can restore that

Personally, I'd rather someone that didn't have a disability or had AS. Simply because I can be a handful and difficult with my problems. I wouldn't want to bring some one down that also had problems. That is thinking with my head.

If I think or feel with my heart I would not mind to go out with an Aspie or atleast try it.

my closest friend has AS, but we both know there's an "attraction" between us, we just haven't got round to asking eachother out. I think an AS/AS relationship could work out, because you get eachother and that stuff, and it could also be an adventure in a way, because you can overcome obsticales together.
I also fancy another one of my AS friends, I find boys with those traits very attractive because they have kick-ass sense of humours