I'm only capable of love under the following circumstances:

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1) when i think it's guaranteed the object of my affections will never reciprocate my feelings for them

2) i am only attracted to people who possess qualities i don't possess but really wish i did, namely innate self assurance, extroversion and conventional intelligence.

3) I usually don't know the person that well initially and usually never truly befriend them.

4) and if someone i'd been in love with for years turned around and made a sexual advance towards me or declared their love for me, i'd lose respect for them for having such bad taste quicker than you can even say, "I'm destined to stay single."

Does anyone else think or act in the same way in this aspect of life?

That doesn't sound like love whatsoever. People have different ways of defining, categorizing and labeling what they call 'love,' but it's generally to do with limerence, lust, or other need. Love, in the sense of a deeper connection, is nothing of what you included. What you described sounds obsessive, self-focused and masochistic. In short, it sounds worryingly like something you really should talk to someone about.

It sounds for all the world like you're seeking acceptance that no one can ever obtain, then self-defeating if anyone does accept you (I've seen this of people I've known before). Acceptance is not love outright -- you need to work with the person, love who they are and how they fit with you, and not be concerned whatever if they fill a part of you or satisfy some need or desire you have.
If you want love in the future, loving yourself, accepting and knowing who you are, needs to happen. I hope you and anyone else in a similar position can help get themselves to that point.

sounds like a lonely life to me. Love has a way of surprising people...

I don't quite understand why you are so prescriptive.

And why would you only want to love people who won't reciprocate your feelings? Surely, love, true love, is more of a mutual thing, it's not really something that should be projected on to or imposed on someone else?

I can understand that you are attracted to people who have qualities you think you lack. I do the same sometimes, I have a lot of admiration and respect for people who have qualities or talents in excess of my own or that I lack completely. Just because I don't have a particular skill or talent doesn't mean that I can't recognise and appreciate it in others. I do.

And how can you love someone who you haven't befriended? Although sometimes in the past I've loved someone who I thought I knew, but it transpired that I didn't know them very well at all.

Why would you lose respect for someone who wanted to show their affection and love for you in a physical way? I'm not saying that all love has to be physical, I mean there is familial love, paternal, maternal, fraternal and so on, and platonic. But to totally rule out physical love, I wonder why you would do that?

I appreciate that some people are asexual, but I would have thought that people who are asexual would want to be with someone who was also asexual, but who loved them back, felt the same way.

It seems as though you want a very one-sided relationship and I wonder if that's possible.

Why would you want an unrequited love? o.O...

You're also using projection? (in the psychologic term, defending oneself by projecting what you want yourself to have or do in someone else)

and about 4)... Do you really have such poor self-esteem that it would be "bad taste" for someone to declare their love to you? o.o
I mean, you try to reach for something and you want to deny yourself it? O.o That is too weird, even for me XD It has its charm though =.= But i'd say it'd be mostly tragic love... And that could hurt your feelings, and i don't know why you'd seek something like that in love.... (Unless you're THAT type <.< )

So sad to see someone who is incapable of giving or receiving love

I think you're using the word 'love' rather loosely. Perhaps you mean you only feel initially attracted to and preoccupied with, people under these terms?

I can relate to this. I tend to feel attracted to and develop crushes on people that are unobtainable in some way or other. I guess in some ways I'm only interested in the fantasy of it. It's safe, and controllable. The minute someone crosses over the border of fantasy, and approaches me, and wants to get to know me better (romantically), I high tail it out of there at light speed.

A part of me really needs to share my life with someone else, but I'm just not willing to compromise, or be less myself. At the moment I'm just not comfortable with conventional ideas about love, romance, relationships. I don't like how it makes me feel, and I hate my loss of space, etc.

This is reversed narcissism. The catch is that you don't really love yourself so you seek in others that which you wish you possessed. At least you can recognize what you are doing. You aren't seeing yourself realistically and so you aren't able to see others realistically. Humans can't love unless they have experienced it. Do you avoid aspects of yourself that you think are unlovable?
I mean, do you hide your true nature for fear that you are some kind of monster deep down?

http://mensnewsdaily.com/2007/01/01/was ... ve-identit

Huh, that's interesting and sad in a way.

Most people or at least "aspies" seek people who share similar interests and demand too much reciprocation for lack of reciprocating back. I myself have trouble in judging how my actions will affect people's emotions in general...although I think I'm getting better at that.

I guess I'm the opposite but I've never gotten that general or on point about what I'd want in a partner only that they respect my demand for some space and not get all upset if I don't reciprocate back to them as I'm constantly confused about people's intentions and "affections".

muffrudge: What you are speaking about seems more like the concept of respect, not love. You're just confusing those two, no harm done. It's not shameful to not know what love is.


Spudnik: That was just blunt and unnecessary. At least I read it that way.