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How to tell if someone is interested?

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StutteringDave
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19 Mar 2009, 12:28 am

Recently, I've become somewhat of a closer friend to a girl I've known for a couple of years. I have somewhat of a crush on her, and now that we are beginning to talk more I am wondering how I could detect if she has any such feelings for me. We began talking more when she started working in the library, and I would go up and talk to her for a few minutes almost every day. The other day we had dinner together, and today she invited me to come with her to a school function. I'm an aspie who understands absolutely nothing beside direct communication, so I'm completely clueless here. Sorry if this sounds a bit vague.



ptown
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19 Mar 2009, 1:26 am

i'm an NT. there are a so many ways women show interest in guys and NT guys will pick up on those clues easily. you may have to ask outright and directly something similar to "what do you see as the future of our relationship?" this way she can answer something like, "good friends forever" or "more than just friends" or "let's get married tomorrow."
if she knows you well, she should know you can't read her clues and she should be able to muster up the courage to give you a direct answer.

take a chance!! !



ZEGH8578
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19 Mar 2009, 1:32 am

its so hard to confront this prospect of possible rejection. i know the feeling.

but i also know that its even stupider to never do anything, cus as a "normie" she expects you to, and she probably wont take an initiative. i had a crush on a chick at a 1-year school that WHOLE year, we were true buddies, and she would even text me in the evenings, to "invite me over" to their dorm, to have a cig on the balcony, just me and her.
STILL i was clueless. she must have thought i was gay or something...

in retrospect i shake my head at my stupidity.

take the chance. if she rejects you, well then you know.


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makuranososhi
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19 Mar 2009, 1:46 am

StutteringDave wrote:
Recently, I've become somewhat of a closer friend to a girl I've known for a couple of years. I have somewhat of a crush on her, and now that we are beginning to talk more I am wondering how I could detect if she has any such feelings for me. We began talking more when she started working in the library, and I would go up and talk to her for a few minutes almost every day. The other day we had dinner together, and today she invited me to come with her to a school function. I'm an aspie who understands absolutely nothing beside direct communication, so I'm completely clueless here. Sorry if this sounds a bit vague.


Something to consider; with her invitation, and if dinner was her idea or a mutual idea... if you are interested, it would be appropriate at this point for you to initiate some sort of date together. If she is interested, things will move forward - and if not, then it sounds like you have someone who enjoys your company as a friend, which is valuable as well. I learned a lot about what I wanted in relationships from my female friends, and actually got a lot of help in understanding interpersonal motivations from them.


M.


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ptown
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19 Mar 2009, 11:09 am

p.s.
friendships usually outlast romantic relationships....
i have had some of the same guy friends for 20 and 30 years....but old lovers, no earthly clue what happened to them.



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19 Mar 2009, 11:09 am

I always resist the temptation to interpret things as signs of romantic interest. Why? Because I don't want to be accused of "reading too much into something" and coming off as creepy/desperate... it's not being "stupid," it's erring on the side of caution (as well as being respectful.) Problem is, it's impossible for me to confirm anything since women are very subtle about it. So if there has ever been a girl who was interested in me (which I have no way of knowing for certain, but chances are that there hasn't) then she passed under my radar.