Building up my Nest for Dating Success (Biological analogy)

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I've spent a lot of time thinking about what it takes to be successful dating, and the analogy that keeps coming up for me is one of bird-nesting. Anytime you watch a movie where a man loses his girlfriend/fiance, what explanation is that movie giving? Usually, it relates to the human version of 'nesting'. When a girl complains of a past boyfriend, what do those complaints center around? Jealousy (insecurity), and 'nesting' issues are almost always the answer.

If humans have a nest, what is it? In our case, it's our entire life. What clubs or organizations do you belong to? What is your social life like? Simply being in a club you can talk about will make you seem more sociable, and they won't be worried about being your only connection to the outside world. It makes you seem like you're comfortable with not only yourself, but other people as well.

To address that, I'm becoming far more active in my Unitarian church, and I'm looking into joining the Sierra Club. I've also changed my clothes. I no longer wear anything I would remotely associate with an asocial nerd. By simply changing out my tan slacks and 'nerd' shirts for blue jeans, t-shirts, and a few Izod shirts I'm getting a lot more looks from women.

Also, when I speak I'm constantly hearing about how intelligent I am. Because I dress in blue jeans and nice t-shirts, my intelligence is not assumed, but my sociability is. This means when I talk people sit amazed at how much I know, instead of waiting for me to go away and join my asocial D&D table. Also, given how long first-impressions last, even after talking a while people still assume I'm more sociable than they would if I was wearing one of my older outfits.

I'm becoming more responsible. I'm keeping a cleaner room, and I'm looking for ways to make this entire house look nicer. Essentially, I'm making the nest more 'suitable'. I'm looking into ways to get a stable, 'average job', and that should go well given some of the local career programs.

Also, I'm getting myself into the habit of hesitating less. Either think before you act, or don't think at all. Hesitation is a sign of low self-esteem, and can be a major drawback. That's an issue I'm dealing with, while also making sure I don't do anything stupid.

Plus, all of this is having a compound effect on my own confidence and self-esteem. All these looks I'm getting that I haven't acted on because my 'nest isn't finished' are major self-esteem boosts. Hearing all the time how intelligent I am makes me feel better about myself. Getting out and around people, I'm not nearly as lonely as I was before.

Because I'm focusing on the social cues more than I used to, I'm picking up a vast wealth of information I was completely missing before. It's hard to miss when a woman sits at the doorway looking at me as I leave the building. It's hard to miss when my female preacher obviously doesn't want the conversation to end, and smiles at me like she didn't before. When adjusting my legs slightly for comfort, I pick up on the romantic feelings of a girl who doesn't want to admit to them, and tries to hide it by backing up a bit because she was too close, and knows it, which in reality reveals how much she is focusing on me.

Dating has nothing to do with alpha male traits unless you're looking to get laid without attachment. If you're looking for something long term, try building up your nest instead of acting like a wolf. It's working better for me than anything else I've tried. Instead of bulking up and faking dominance, try joining a nature club, cleaning up a bit, and learning to cook. ; )

Plus, these are issues virtually all NT men have as well, which means if we get past those, our AS problems will seem like cute 'quirks' instead of 'deal-breakers', because we will have something most men don't, which women are actively seeking.

Does anyone find this advice at all decent? I'm not sure if you guys are just disregarding it, or don't know what to say. For me, it's working, and I'm wanting some perspective on how others feel about it.

I've met a lot of people who were very sociable and not nerdy, who couldn't care less if you dressed in style or like an "asocial nerd." I must be confused, because a lot of nerds I know wear t-shirts and jeans.

What exactly do you mean by "making the nest more suitable"? Suitable for what exactly, and for whom?

Getting a job and some income is important regardless of whether you're on the dating market and regardless of whether you're trying to get an NT or AS partner.

I'm glad that you are feeling better about yourself so far, but you admittedly haven't acted on any of these looks because your "nest isn't finished" yet. Whenever your "nest" is ready, please let us know how the ensuing date(s) go. I don't mean to sound skeptical, but getting evidence of the success of all your nest-building is required to make a statement that nest-building results in dating success. Getting dates is one thing; having a long-term relationship is another. You haven't even gotten the dates yet.

I do agree with the parts dealing with the alpha male. I personally find more success acting knowledgeably but humbly, protective and assertive but yielding at appropriate moments, instead of being a dominant braggart all the time. It's the balance that's key.

I have several problems with your advice, overalls its good and you did hit on some good stuff for the majority of it.

But the two are not mutually exclusive

meaning you can be both building the nest and a alpha male.

also you need to reframe your view on alpha male's , most of the people around here do.

Barack obama's an alpha male, ghandi too.

Being in a superior postion of power does not by default have negative implications of any kind.

Your analogy works for you, and I think there are items one can take from it and work with. But what is true for you is not true for others; perhaps a new coat of paint works here, but another model needs a new transmission - there isn't a single fix for romance, which is why the self books will just keep on coming in that genre. Being involved in things, having things that matter to you - these are traits which I have seen have a positive effect, both on the person involved and on their relationships. Responsibility is also good for you, and therefore in turn a better mate in a relationship. All these things are ways of developing the self. Appearance isn't something I put as much stock in, but there can be no argument made against the fact that we as a species are swayed by packaging. Your point about hesitation is a good one, and one often ignored, as well as bringing up conscious observation. One thing to remember is that the effort of such observation can be extraordinarily taxing.


M.