anyone else NOT looking for a partner?

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I had been actively avoiding it for years. The best years of my life so far. I was absolutely free from family, friends and social pressures about me being in a relation, because I clearly saw it was the best for my life. I could dedicate all my energies to what I liked and discovered a lot of new activities I enjoy.

Last year a nice girl forced me into loving her: I gave up and accepted the trial, because I really liked her. I got to the point of telling her there could be nothing between us for this and that well after I was in love with her, but she didn't give up. I was moved by her confidence and strength of will about us.

Now I can say I was just getting back in hell.

Nonetheless, now that the pain she has caused me is almost over, I am searching a partner... before the partner finds me.

Sometimes you simply can't help it, it's out of your control.

Most of the time I feel exactly like you do, but I go through weird lonely phases where I feel like I want someone in my life.

I agree. I would say that, these days, about a third of the time I feel lonely, and find myself thinking it would be nice to have a relationship, but for the other two thirds, the idea of someone hanging around me making demands on my space, time, thoughts and emotions fills me with absolute horror.

All of my minor experience in relationships and the like have made me question if I can tell the difference between my feelings for someone and my desire to hang out with someone just to have a life. I feel that all of my relationships were based more on the latter. I'm more about being able to out and do places with a guy then I am about kissing or having to spend every single waking moment with him. (I like my alone time too much that's why I prefer to not get married).

I'm convinced I have no ability to feel affection though that hasn't stop me from developing a few crushes. When I do have a crush though it's easy to convince myself that it's all in good fun and I shouldn't be pursuing someone that I probably will be less interested in if I were in a relationship with them. That's why I prefer being alone. Less work that way.

I'm also probably one of VERY few girl who also don't mind a one-night stand once in a while (if the guy's hot that is)...heheh, I'm such a whore!

Well, my answer would have to be option #1.
I avoid anything like that. I would much rather be single through out my whole life than be with someone.

See, not many aspie guys are posting replies on this thread because

1. They have never been in a relationship, so the want it
2.Or they just want to have sex.

Many aspie females, because they are women have the advantage of being in a relatioship and get sick of it, or dont care...Its nothing know to aspie females.

Guys dont know what its like, so they want it.

PS: The Realist Jemir

not many? I can see loads.

Oh, my bad, maybe i didnt read all the posts. Guess what....im not going to either because I dont feel like it. and it doesnt change the truth either.

I think there is some truth in that; I really, really wanted to be in a relationship up until the point when I entered my first relationship, and then broke it off with him 7 months later. It was really great while it lasted, but after it ended I felt a bit disillusioned.

Relationships aren't the romantic fairytales you think they are before you've had one. That being said, although I am not actively out looking for a relationship, I still live in hope that I will one day meet someone who I fall in love with - then I will be actively pursuing that person.

I suppose I'm not looking for anyone, well... because I feel no one would be looking out for me. I know I probably should change my outlook, but it's difficult. I mean my entire life has been a battle trying to integrate into society and become one with the rest. So far no luck. Now as an outsider, an observer how do I pursue someone who is already inside this 'group'?

Maybe I should look for someone more like me. Someone on the 'fringes' and outsider too. Problem is there is no one like this as far as I can tell. Well in the past this dilemma would bother me, but now I don't really mind being lonely. Maybe I'm meant to be this way? Who knows?

why arent you attracted to any of them? If it were me, an attractive aspie guy like me, and we met real life support group, and I was about your age, would you find me attractive? I ask this because you say you are an attractive girls, all these guys hit on you, but you like none of them.

man i wish it were this easy for me, having girls always hitting on me would be great.

You are not meant to be lonely. If an aspie girl has terrible social skills just like you, and she is not lonely and you are, you know its not your fault. She's a girl and its easier for her to get a gf. Guys dont care about social skills. Girls on the other hand want all this other stuff, and even if an aspie guy has many other good qualities, if he is not famous, rich, or has bad social skills, then he will have trouble with women.
It's not fair, i know. But thats the way it is.

I mean, why do aspie girls talk about craig nichols? BECAUSE HES FAMOUS. if he weren't famous, he'd probably be on this site right now talking like one of us aspie males. If you become famous, you are guaranteed to have women all over you. Some of the ugliest guys become famous with terrible social skills, lack of eye contact, and scared to talk to women, but they get girls because they are famous.

Its stupid, but thats how women think.
Do these men who approach aspie women really like them for them? well lets ask ourselves, do any of us like women for their personality?

HELL NO its all about the looks. We try to tell ourselves we like her personality, but then again there's always the problem of whether she has the looks or not.

So the NT guys who approach aspie women, we cant blame them for not looking for personality and only for looks, they are just like us.

the only reason we say we want an aspie female is because we feel that she will understand us better. BUT if we arent what shes looking for, regardless of our looks, she is going to turn us down in a heart beat.

men, all we want is looks, lets admit it, LOOKS, its all about looks. If it werent all about looks WE'D ALL HAVE GIRLFRIENDS RIGHT NOW

I know damn well that in an aspie man's life there was a girl who liked him to death, but he didnt like her because she was not pretty enough.

there are plenty of girls who liked me that i didnt like back because they werent pretty enough. They treated me with respect and accepted all my quirks. But no, us men dont think like that, we want a girl who is decent looking if not a model. We are sexual creatures since day 1. The girls who are pretty that i accept as a person she doesnt accept me because of my aspie quirks. She thinks im weird.

But am i really accepting her as a person or for her looks? she doesnt treat me right, but she is beautiful. Who she is, is a mean b***h, but i still like her because she's gorgeaous.

Maybe thats how it is with women, they like confidence whther or not the guy treats her right or not, so they get what they like out of the guy, and disregard how he treats her. Or many might just like him for his personality IDK


All i know is that if the aspie men on this forum liked women for who they were, we wouldnt be on here, because we would be attracted to sweet, loving, kind women, regardless of her looks, which is most likely hideous to us.

Im sorry the girls who post the most things on here about how they want an aspie guy, THEY ARE UNATTRACTIVE and they dont get approached by guys, but i bet they treat people with dignoty and respect, but life dont work that way.

I'm going to say...that's just not true..at least for me.

Guys may only go for looks but they also want sex appeal.

Anyway, women come in all shapes, sizes, and walks of life. I grew up in a female dominated family. I've been told that I was pretty but I've never really been in a relationship with a guy or sweeped off my feet like those silly romantic comedies....namely stupid chick flicks. Women don't have it easier, in fact they got look a lot hotter than the guy. Not to mention guys expecting women to fit these real high ideals about "how a girl should act". The last guy told me I was a cold hearted b***h because I wasn't giving him "enough" attention and then was seeing another girl on the side. After I split from him, he started harassing me with his phone calls about how stupid I was and how I was even lucky to ever have had him.

Anyway, being female and having ASD is no fun. I can't speak for all females since I really don't relate to females in general. In some ways I think you're right, but I think you're wrong about women wanting guys that treat them like s**t and females having it lucky. That's alright, you're not the first aspie guy to say that here. It's already hard enough to confront my feelings without the social akwardness and trouble in speaking "Normal" or even "sexy".

Just my two cents. And yeah there are a lot of females that play headgames but there are a lot of guys that overtly take their anger out on you if you by chance even stare at them wrong or don't say the "right" thing. I think sometimes the roles of the genders also do an awful lot of switching.



As Fnord would say, Evidence Please!

Case in point, it's the same for women as well. Men will only go for hot babes and women will usually go for a guy if he's physically attractive...that is if she's not a gold digger. I also don't think it's fair to make that statement in regard that there are aspie females on this forum who also have trouble in the dating departement. Would you say something just as nasty about aspe guys? Probably not since you happen to be one.

Last edited by MissConstrue on 27 May 2009, 6:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Wioth all respect msconstrue, i didnt say WOMEN want men to treat them like s**t, if you read the thing over you'd see where you read wrong. i said that some women want a certain thing from men, like the famous CONFIDENCE, something that a lot of them dont have when they date the JERKS who treat them like s**t.

Also, I believe being a female and having AS is so much worse than being a male and having it. but, the dating area is easier for them, as you can see if you read the posts on this site. There are more women who question their sexuality and guys just wanting a woman to accept them.

Sorry didn't mean to come off harsh. And I think it's hard for both parties, it's just that we deal with these issues differently and if one hasn't experienced the other side of the coin, then it's hard to get a good and honest perception of what that other person is going through.

It just seems like this statement about females wanting jerks as boyfriends gets thrown around here a lot. Most of the females in my family didn't express interests with the typical guy on wheels with a bottle in his hand. In fact my sister seems more like the alpha when it comes to taking the iniative approach to guys.

As for women who do a lot of questioning about their sexuality here....you're definitely right. I'm not sure the reason since I can't really relate. I think females are just more supportive for freedom of sexuality than guys are....I hope that's not being too general.

I can't help but notice that many cultures including this one are more accepting of females being lesbian, bisexual or barsexual ....which probably makes it easier for females to be more open about these issues than say guys. With guys, it's usually looked down upon and ridiculed thus making it difficult for guys to even openly question or be open about their sexuality.

Be nice if this forum encouraged more diversity here..I think it would help other people relate openly and be more supportive to other people's different issues besides ASD and being male.

But I guess all we can do is open up doors by making posts hoping for someone to jump in and relate or give feedback.

What's barsexual?