So yeah, I think I'm about to get dumped?

Post Reply New Topic

My room mate says I am being immature & passive-aggressive, I dont know what to do. This is what happened:
Yesterday morning my BF took me to my Dr's appointment arrived at my house at 7:40 to take me to my 9am appt so we napped a little then he took me, we were done & back at my house by 10:15 & he said he had to go to school, get an early start on an asignment even tho his class wasnt til 3:30, but he wouldnt stay to nap even tho he had got up at 4am to be there on time with me. So around 12:30pm he texts me to say we cant go to the movies like he invited me to becuz he is super tired, so I say ok & decide to go out with friends instead, but send a couple of texts, one inviting him to go out tonight & another saying I'd rather be with him then hanging out with my friends but he doesnt reply to either.

So I go to the movies with 2 of my friends & they come back to my house for drinks and to watch a movie & spend the night, the girl in my bed with me & the boy on a small sofa I have in my room. So the other girl is kinda teasing my guy friend & invites him to jump in with us & I'm all "I'm pretty sure this would bother my BF" & etc. I really like them both but I respect & kinda love a little the guy I've been dating, so when they asked me to have a threesome I said no, & the girl wouldnt have sex w/the guy unless I participated too, but I wouldnt, so everyone went to sleep & I stayed awake staring at the cieling feeling confused & wondering if I just missed a really nice chance. But I try to be super strait forward and honest with BF so I texted him this morning, kinda jokingly saying "hey so um r we exclusive? I mean do u wanna be? Cuz um I turned down a 3some with 2ppl I'm very fond of 4 u. I hope that means something 2you cuz it was tempting lol"
he replied with two texts, the first looking like he tried to cancel it cuz it wasnt finished saying "Maybe we shouldnt be exclusive for the next month I will be extremely busy with school n work it would not be fair to you if u did have a 3some I wouldnt..." at 10:10am
Then at 10:16 an almost identical message but with different meaning phrasing "I DONT THINK WE SHOULD BE EXCLUSIVE I WILL BE BUSY WITH WORK N SCHOOL FOR THE NEXT MONTH IT WOULDNT BE FAIR TO YOU, IF YOU DID HAVE A 3SOME I WOULD NOT BE UPSET"

I felt so hurt & confused. I would be bothered if he had a 3some. My roomate says I said the wrong thing by admiting to be tempted. I finally texted him saying "I dont know what to say" around 11am & spent a few hours thinking, then at around 3:30 I sent him this
"ok I thought about your text. I'm worried I'm too intense for you & you seem indecisive/of 2 minds & I have a hard time understanding why & feel hurt by it a lot. Also I get very anxious cuz I cant tell how to act around you so I've decided to give you space to figure out what you want & wont call/text until u communicate w/me to let me know whether you really want to date me & I hope you do cuz I really like you but I hate feeling like I'm presuring you n2 something you dont want & r not ready 4. PS if you dont text or preferibly call by sunday I'm gonna assume you want nothing to do with me & will erase your #."

Am I over reacting? misunderstanding? Was it a mistake to do this? I'm so scared he wont want to put up with me anymore. God I feel horrible right now.

You really shouldnt have said anything to you're boyfriend about the threesome. it is not much wonder he is annoyed with you. all you can say now is that your sorry and hopes he forgives you

So far, that looks legit. I'm assuming he's a college student or something? I've gone in at 10am to work on assignments at school before a night class at 6pm (I find it easier to work there than at home)...


Well, if he is your BF, and the other girl is a good friend of yours, she probably wouldn't want to outright cheat on you by just doing it with him without you involved... If she's a real friend, she would try and do whatever she could to help you out in this situation (she may have even just been trying to help the two of you get closer to each other)...

On the other hand, she was probably just teasing the guy like some women do... If that's the case, then she was WAAAAAAY out of line... at best, she cares nothing for what you want, while at worst, she was actively trying to sabotage your relationship...


He probably feels more confused than you do... I would be too after such a situation...


Giving him some space after such a convoluted scenario (that would even creep me out) is probably a good idea. However, I would try to be proactive and get in touch will him one last time around your deadline so that a final answer can be obtained... in other words, don't just cut him off and not make any effort to talk to him again...

The thing I would have done differently with this, though, is leave a voicemail message instead of a text... trying to discuss serious matters with txtspk is not really a good idea (at the very least, write your text messages for such things in actual English, even if it takes you a little while longer, so that it makes you look like you really thought about it...)

Well, like I said, this situation really seems confusing in general (the kind of material the fuels episodes of Maury Povich (though I'm not suggesting you try and get on something stupid like that)... He probably feels worse and more confused than you do at this point... However, if the bond is strong enough, this kind of episode will pass, and you two will eventually move on...

If you need anything else, whether it be advice, answers to any particular questions, or just some comforting words, feel free to send me a PM...

IN all honesty your b/f probably deserves the most compassion out of the two of you right now. WOW, i can't imagine getting a text like that from a guy I was dating. YOu even added it 'was tempting" ... is he supposed to be grateful that you turned this down?

I wouldn't continue to date a person who told me they turned it down but it was tempting. I'd say don't turn anything down on my account, see ya.

I know you are feeling hurt here but i think your friend's assessment of immaturity is dead on. You should NEVER have had that convo with him about the 3some offer in text - that kind of stuff needs to be shared face to face, and it should not be shared so casual and cutesy such as 'it was tempting'. No offense dear but if he drops you I can't blame him. I think most of us would in his situation.

And while i agree wtih all that Toad said the only disagreement is saying it in vmail. This is something a lot of people wouldn't handle well, thus it should have been reserved for a time you were face to face and w/out distractions.

That second text in all caps was his way of expressing his hurt and anger with your behavior.

As for him bailing for being tired, come on, you sound so irritated that he had to cancel ... in a relationship you have to be a bit more respectful of each other. There are going to be times sickness or fatigue cause one to cancel out. I don't think you handled that well either....i know you didn't say a lot TO him about it but it is obvious you were really irritated and more concerned about the inconvenience.

Whether he breaks up or not this is a very good oppty to do some learning on how to handle relationships in the future. Exclusive or not that text should never have been sent. That was really a shock I am sure to this guy if he likes you...

As much as people with Asperger's would like to think so, honesty is not always the best policy. You should not have told him about this in this way.

Saying 'are we exclusive' first would be one thing - although it really should have been a face-to-face conversation. But saying 'are we exclusive? because I could TOTALLY have had sex last night with these people' is a TERRIBLE way of doing it. As far as he's concerned, that's saying 'you're not enough for me any more, and I want us to be in an open relationship.'

Honestly, as someone else has said, it's too late. You've already made too many wrong moves to salvage it. All you can do is apologise now and wait and see what happens.

Yeah, I think it went really bad really fast. Do you have sex with your boyfriend? This might have hurt his feelings for one thing. Even thinking of a 3 some without him might have hurt him and then trying to cover yourself with more text just seems desperate. Maybe you should give it a few days and then figure out how you feel first and then if you really want him back, work on apologizing and making it right.

I felt bad cuz the girl was really pressuring me, cuz everyone thinks I should get with my guy friend who spent the night, especially since I've been sick, they thought his thoughtlessness about not taking me to the hospital selfish & uncaring & hurtful (its in my post about my confusing NT boyfriend) & it made me wonder if he cared at all. He is only my second boyfriend ever, I dont even know if he minds me calling him boyfriend or considers me his GF. I left him a hickey on his neck & he told his friends it was a bruise. HIS friends dont know about me at all & he sure hasnt invited me to spend any time with them. I think I said it wrong but I was trying to show him that I am loyal to him even tho I have the opportunity not to be? bcuz he has "trust issues". the other day he took me to a restaurant and the waiter was seriously wasted so I said "that guy is soooooo high" and BF just stared at me for a second and laughed an said "I thought you were gonna say he is so hot" & all I could think was how can he think I would ever do or say that in front of him (or at all)? & I was trying to make a joke that he could trust me even in a moment of temptation but I guess I f****d up really bad. And then he responded like he could care less. I would be so hurt if he went out with someone else, I even told him so in a letter a few days ago & he replied like it didnt matter to him at all if was dating/f*****g everyone else & that its not "FAIR" to me???! I chose HIM! I WANT HIM!

And no, we've never had sex, cuz he wont even let me touch his penis but he touches me all he wants, when ever he wants & sometimes its too much/rough & I dont say it cuz it seems like he needs that connection? And t scares me a little, I feel alittle nervous and a little used

and I wonder is he just with me cuz its convenient, if he cares at all, I dont know. And I have been trying so hard to say my feelings in words and he always acts like he couldnt care less, blowing off my attempts to get him to put his feelings (if he has any) into words.

So um I think he dumped me? Or hes going to but he didnt want to do it over the phone & wants to see me tomorrow to "talk." I asked "what is there to talk about, am I misunderstanding what you are saying? What do you have t say to me w that you have to say in person that you couldnt say in all this time?"

I cried in front of my room mate & his girlfriend. They were very nice about it. Why does he wan to torture me by coming and making me see his face?

see i would reply, but i have no idea if you want me to, if you want me to say what i think or something you wanna hear, or what. i'm staying on the side of caution and keeping my mouth shut mostly.

only thing i could say is that your situation is not at all unusual. i have sisters and they tell me about their bf's whether i like it or not. and i heard from them stuff like you described. relationships are difficult. don't be hard on your self. maybe give it time and see if time corrects things. in my own life (and i've never dated) things never turn out like i predict.

tell me what you think becuz I sure dont know what to (think) right now

you are under a lot of stress

yes its driving me crazy

I know. How can you channel that stress into something productive?

I dont know. I cant sleep, dont want to eat, cant paint, write or draw. My head is fuzzy.

For physiological problems, I recommend a two hour walk outside to improve oxygenation and circulation.