She's not interesting, no other social contacts either.

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I feel bad to think that the person I've gone on several outings with is not of my interest. Also there is no common interests, carrying on a conversation is mundane. Yet to find even another human being to do things with outside of my normality is difficult. She is the first person I've been able to form a type of relationship with in 4-5 years regularly.

I have gone out and tried to find people, yet most are not compatible with my mentality, that's when I do speak with them. I do not have social anxiety or have fears of rejections. Usually the few people I have been friends with introduce themselves to me and keep coming back for interaction, that's when I get use to them.

Despite the fact I could live without a friend or a girlfriend, it is not acceptable to me that I live solitary like this forever.

Not sure what to do. Some people feel lonely, I am not sure if I feel that at all. Most of the time being around others is ciaos, it is better without the ciaos. There are persons of particular mentalities that are easier to be around, more so the predictable and the calm.

I am trying to decide if I should determin to make my focus in interest more narrow minded and exclude other people do to the complexities or continue to attempt to find a girlfriend.



Nathan

If you mean she's not interested in you, that's one thing. If you mean you're not interested in her, give it time. You might find that you can't live without her.

Just advice.
Beentheredonethat

We went out about six times, and then he dumped me 'cause I was an aspie.
God, that hurt.
Just be a little careful of her feelings.
Dru

Well she is busy with going to college and working.

Also I do not know what to say about the interest part, her and I spoke online for months prior to me moving here. I determined that I was going to at least try to find a friend or a g/f.

It's difficult to get to know someone, it takes a long time. I would never dump someone, also I would never consider someone dumping me as anything worthy of negative thought.


She told me she just got out of a relationship just months prior to meeting her in person for the first time. I really don't know anything about that sort of stuff.

She likely still has an interest in me, just she is very busy. Still talking once or twice a week.

Maybe she is not my type? I'm not sure if I have a type, maybe some typos, laugh snort.

I think I might have had bad table manners, though I dislike sitting face to face with anyone. To much eye contact.

I do not know what to percieve with regard to if she likes me or not.

I must apologise, but her attire was not approperate, her buttox I saw the crack of on numerious occations. She is nice though. Yet she is not my type, I am not liking that, ummm.

So, she is not the type you want for a relationship, but you want her company anyway. Well, I have a suggestion for you. It is pretty radical, but see what you think. There is this thing called "being friends". Yes, you can just be friends with her! Then you can have her company without the full relationship business! This even permits you to have a relationship with someone else that you might meet! Shocking I know. Obviously I am a genius to think of this "just friends" solution. No need to reward me with bars of solid gold, just your forever-enduring adulation will suffice.

Yes but there is no mutual interest for even friends..

I'll just continue going with her places when she asks, I got to at least do that.

Apparently there IS something there or you would not be continuing to see her and posting your message here. You want to be just friends with her. That is fine and good. It is not necessary to like every aspect of a person in order to be friends with them.

I am talking about interests in a subject. Not much to talk about.

I think you have gone into the relationship for very wrong reasons.

So you have gone into the relationship for want of a girlfriend, not because you like this girl in particular. That's unfair to her and you need to end this before she ends it herself, as she will come to see that you have little interest in her.

You can't 'force' a relationship; sure they take work but you needn't ever have to convince yourself that someone is right. I learnt this myself by being in a situation very similar to yours. I only realised that the reasons why I went out with the person were wrong in retrospect, however.

There is no relationship and she is not my girlfriend, no kiss stuff.

I just got back with another outing with her, she was very well dressed this time.

Went to the redwoods, lunch and a movie. Only eye contact a few times but I am trying to do more. Always thinking about what to talk about.

She is not bad looking. Just no experience in this sort of thing.

I don't know about you, but one of the issues I have as an aspie is that I do not think to share little gestures and most of my thoughts when I am with someone. This deficit tends to put the onus on the other person to create all the excitement in the relationship, and if that other person can't or won't do it then I feel bored with them. Could something like this be happening for you?

Here's my word of advice. I used to feel exactly the same way about my first girlfriend. Back then, I wanted a girlfriend really bad, so when that girl showed interest in me, I jumped at the chance. From my perspective back then, I simply couldn't afford to look for a perfect girlfriend, so I had no choice but the one that liked me now. So I told my second thoughts to shut up, and asked the girl out on a date. Although I was comfortable around her, I didn't find her very attractive, and she didn't enjoy the same things I did. So we ended up mostly doing things she wanted. Despite that, I felt like I'd rather be in some relationship, rather than no relationship at all. After never having a girlfriend, this one seemed like manna falling from heaven. The relationship lasted for a few months, then ended somewhat peacefully. We had no contract afterwards, other than a nod when we saw each other on campus.

Perhaps you're feeling the same things I felt before starting this relationship? Although I'm guessing you're not as eager for a relationship, so you're having more second thoughts.

I am not sure what to think of it. I was refered in front of someone as a friend a few times, also she brings up the old boyfriend yet plays touch things with her feet under the table.

I was just thinking about going out with her one more time then sending her an e-mail. I am not sure what to say, also I wonder if what I say will scare her off.

Complicated things.

There are many nice ladies in existence, it's about finding them and I have no luck with finding. This one is nice but the added complexities of the past boyfriend is purplexing.


Sometimes I pick up these idle suggestions, but if the lady is interested beyond her feet and leg touching she should just say. If I say are you interested in friendship or a relationship she might become uncomfortible.

Also she always wants me to go to her apartment with her, after the friendship outing or date, I went once. I should go again, but there is even more complexities.

I really think these things should be defined, there are bounderies of personal space and the intentions. I do not want to violate bounderies and do the wrong thing when I am getting transportation from her becuase I cannot drive, nor do I want to create a situation which will take away my only "normal" and healthy adventuring outside of my house with someone I do not know.