What are Asperger girls like?

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I have been in two serious romantical relationship with women who undoubtedly were neurotypicals. But one day I thought to myself: How would a relationship with an autistic woman work? Some say that autistic people are rarely compatible as the disorder is so diverse and the spectrum so vast, while others disagree.

Are there anyone here who knows any Asperger couple, or who have first hand experience with such a love affair? I am very curious to hear other peoples experiences on this subject. Maybe NT women are not the right decision for me after all.

Just thinking out loud. Feel free to elaborate!

They're just as varied as female NTs, so I can't really help you there.

we are just like NT women, but we are Aspie. I, too, have had only liaisons with NT men except for recently. I have found a nice rapport with this AS man. I do have to be satisfied with the relatively shallow or even absense of certain emotions. He satisfies my intellectual need to be understood and gets even the most abstract and obtuse references (which is so much fun!) However, he is rarely 'there' for me when I am in emotional pain. His way of comfort is to explain to me why what ever it is should not concern me nor cause me irritation. I find he feels his own irritations are grounds for unrealistic expectations in others that can not be 'reasoned away' but his same formula he thinks I should use.

So? all relationships are a compromise and a give and take. I have been 'in love' and found it the swooping grandiosity of immature emotions. I have found myself(metaphorically) looking up at the stars from the grate under the street curb where the refuse and rain water drains wallowing in the defeat and disappointment when as strongly as I loved a man was not enough to make a lasting relationship.

I only see life from a female Aspie viewpoint, so I don't know if I can be much help. I only know my life and what happened from my point of view.

Merle

Last edited by sinsboldly on 08 May 2009, 9:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My younger sister has many of the AS traits I have. She's a quirky but kind hearted person. She's very responsible. She's making progress in coming out of her shyness. She currently has few friends. I'd like to imagine that the rest of the AS girls are as pleasant as her.

Yeah, that.

Yeah, me too. I think the main difference (when applied to me), is that I pay less attention to my appearance (I'm always clean, but I guess I don't wear makeup hardly ever and don't dye/straighten my hair, and sometimes dress daggy), and I'm not as subtle. Not good at being seductive or anything, and sometimes I forget I'm female and not "one of the guys" so to speak. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing - bit of both I think.

quiet shy avoid eye contact smile polite don't dress girly

aspie girls speak up!

Ditto.

Hmmm... I've never really linked this with AS before. I feel VERY uncomfortable in girly fashion. I don't wear much makeup, because I never really learned how to put it on. I would try it out, but people would notice the difference and I'd be nervous with the attention.

and I used to dress to the NINES and guys in drag used to come up to me to ask some fashion question and then freak OUT when they saw I was an actual woman! (no adams apple!) But it was just a phase, an perservation. I don't dress all that girly, usually. Tailored is more my style and it suits me.

Merle

Yeh I'm a jeans and baggy jumpers girl too. The only time I really wear girly things is when my friends talk me into it or when I'm dressing up for roleplaying.

I can list some opinions, both good and bad, of 2 people who were in the longest relationships with me. It might provide some idea of the way in which my AS made the relationships different.

They both noticed how I wouldn't interact with others and liked to stay indoors doing the same things. One had this trait to quite a large degree himself and was delighted to have found someone who shared it. The other despised it and would try to force socialization upon me.

I was very self-focused, and would be accused of such even when giving as much as I could. I was accused of living in my own world; most can't tolerate this lack of sharing an inner world. Only one accepted this trait, probably because his main area of focus was also me. He was extremely selfless, so we complemented each other well in this respect.

I lacked the sense of entitlement to their time and money that their other partners had had.

I am much more male than female and my interests and attitudes reflect this.

I never intended to marry or have children. Many didn't understand this at all.

I was not able to fall in love with them, but they didn't really mind.

Both gave me a lot of space to get on with my interests. All those I've been with have been similar; it seems to be a general male trait to require less attention.

The positive attributes they remarked upon included: childlike, innocent nature; lack of manipulation; sincerity; kindness; eccentricity; both unpredictability and predictability; intelligence; reliability; lack of nagging; tenacity; amusing; logical; unmaterialistic; contentedness; patience.

The negative attributes included: high anxiety level; relatively low functioning level; becoming exhausted and overloaded very easily; being unreadable, which caused much misunderstanding and upset; being detached and withdrawn; indecisiveness; irritability; paranoia; uncommunicative; unsociable.

Like any relationship, it only works if the partners accept each other's traits, have many compatible traits, and don't try to change each other.

I don't know, I've never met another one. But this is what I'm like:

Rarely speak, no eye contact, very shy, can't be touched or have a person near me, etc. I'm not dating quality. I don't dress masculinity either.

I just know about me:

I need a lot of time for myself (to reflect, study or do art)
I don't dress girly, or if I have to I'm very uncomfortable with it
I have a very hard time discovering that people like me, so they have to use big words expressing their feelings
I know that people take offense sometimes in social situations.

I usually have had partners who where like me when I've had long term relationships. But I'm looking forward to being with someone who is social and not so serious all the time.

*edit*
What Outlier said reminded me: I don't feel like I need to own my partners. I don't mind if they do their own things, how they spend their money and so forth. And I often feel a bit more masculine than most girls I've met.

I did that too, and it was only looking back at old photos, and after having hung out on the gay/queer scene for a couple of years too, that I realised that I looked like a ( rather attractive/pretty ) guy in drag. It was as much of a performance, and an effort, for me as it is for a TV, maybe more!

I too have tended to dress down/asexual/unisexual, mainly, though not exclusively in black, for a long time now, since discovering how much more comfortable/relaxed/"me" I felt not doing "the girl".

What are aspie women like? ... Umm, it depends on which one.

.

maybe add social anxiety to the list?