When does a bf/gf relationship begin?

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I picked the 4th option; It's something you both have to agree on. There is the issue about being monogamous, presenting yourself as a couple to others and so forth.
It is not defined on what you have done together.
As jetson said, it is sexist to always expect that the guy will ask that question. Or something, you know what I mean

God, oh how I relate to that. I was working with this girl who I didnt really know I liked until a month or two into working with her. Just a tip folks, stay away from relationships in the work place. They CAN work but usually DONT. Anyways, I was always better at talkin to people online so I asked her one day if she had a messanger and she did so she gave it to me. Before this were were just semi friends I'd say. We had fun together working but we didnt talk outside of work. Well once we got online it was like a whole new world. Without the fear of coming off wierd for lack of facial expression and tone of voice no longer a question, we started really connecting. I would say within a week we became at LEAST good friends. I started to get to know her personality, views on life, the such. Thats when it hit me, I had really become connected to her. We'd talk before we worked together and then after work we'd jump back on. We also started talkin more at work but it was more to get the day to pass. One night we got into a deep conversation where she asked me if I liked anyone at the time. Obviously it was her but I accredited my answer to shyness cause I never was diagnosed before.(still not but hopefully I'll get the courage to ask for help soon at the age of 21.) I told her even if I did I wouldnt be able to tell her. I think she got the message cause the next day we had different shifts and when I had got there she was leaving, so she left a lil bear on my seat with a note. I was in shock, I'd never been talked to really by girls, let alone been given anything. I understand it a lot more now then I did before, I realize she was trying to say I like you too, BUT...
See I've learned that a girl can like you but because of their past they have troubles commiting or the just like where they're at. She always wanted to say we were "getting to know each other". That made no sense to me. I thought to myself, she started it, why is she being like this? I knew about a good amount of her past by now so I should have known. Unfortunatly we dont always get the cues that NT's do. We can't see it in their eyes or their body language. We(meaning aspie) then fall into our anxiety and its pretty bad from there. For 6 months I was the best guy I could be but I didnt know if I was doing too much, enough, or too little and I wasnt getting any help from her.
Since then Ive never really been in a relationship. Its really hard because we started as good friends and because I couldnt control my thoughts and feelings I lost not only a good girl but the best friend I had in a long time. We still dont talk and this was like almost a year ago.
Only advice I can give is be as aware as you can of the person you want without being pushy or needy. It doesn't help in the long run.

A tricky one, whenever the time is right really. People kiss/date/have sex without calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend all the time, in my case its usually one asks the other if they are officially seeing each other. If a guy kisses me, I don't actually take it as read that he wants me to be his girlfriend, nor do I think this when a bloke wants sex with me. I actually have to hear it to believe it.

I absolutely despise the "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" labels but theres not many alternatives...you can't really introduce someone as your "f**k buddy" in polite company.

I admire the girl for taking the initiative, and you for being honest.

IMO thinking of yourself as less than a man just because of this is silly. Do you think the girl thinks she's too manly because of what she did?

I'm with emp on this.

There might be some subtle cues going on that would let both people know without asking, but I certainly can't pick up on them.

So asking is the best way to avoid offending someone by being presumptuous.

i've always thought the sign to tell you that your bf/gf is when the guy asks do you want to be my gf or the other way round

meh, who cares about the NT rules

So you started dating when you were 9? Wow!

I would say that a relationship technically begins when both parties agree that they are in one, but it doesn't really begin until both parties are in love with each other. Everything else is just too shallow to be considered relationship material. There may or may not be any kind of physical actions involved (although personally I wouldn't be able to so much as kiss a woman I wasn't in love with), but without the emotion of love present, it's just "benefits".

Well if the like first "kiss" is when you are bf and gf then ive been hanging with this girl for about 4 years and havnt done that yet

Shallow or what! ( its my fault i guess but i dont know why )

To be honest, I have no idea, since I have never had a girlfriend; however, using logic, I would say that when both have kissed and then agreed to be in that relationship would then qualify for one to call the other boyfriend or girlfriend. (But what if two hermaphrodites dated? Who is the boyfriend and who is the girlfriend? Or...let me stop here, as I can get very sick with my twisted sense of humor)

I don't understand what this emphasis on kissing is when it comes to relationships... I never kissed my gf in my last relationship, but I considered her my gf for a month. Though, I guess that would explain why she's going on saying we were never in a relationship if she ascribes to something like that...

I imagine it would be when both people agree to take things to that level.

For the record, I've kissed LOTS of men that never were my "boyfriend" so THAT would be WAY too early. Should I admit that to you all?!

In my dating years it was generally understood that if you went on a 4th date, you were an item, as in the 5th and 6th date, etc., are going to be assumed unless someone says something. Yeah, I had a lot of 3 date men in my life But as to if that 4th date means you are "girlfriend/boyfriend" and exclusive ... well, that is true only if you both have basically agreed you are.

My daughter had a boyfriend in 2nd grade without ever kissing or going on a single date. He simply asked her to be his girlfriend and she said yes. They exchanged a few gifts and that was about the extent of it, but it was very real to them. Very cute.