'he's just not that into me?' i decline to accept.

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here's my story, without getting WAY too personal about my experiences with guys...

well, maybe i'll just stick with my recent predicament. i currently went on a dating website that i find myself constantly going back to--and that even more sadly recently broke up a relationship with a perfectly good guy who wasn't on the autism spectrum but with whom i had a strong connection with...sans the intimate, affectionate chemistry that i like in guys. i think i need to come out and say i'm usually head-over-heels first off with the good looking, sociable, sexually attractive (dare i say it) and dauntingly crush-worthy guys with a hint of sweetness and understanding and not to mention a special sense of humor that has me falling head over heels with them in the first place. so after i had once again joined this dating website i had previously used (which i will keep anonymous for fear of making it seem like spam because i appear to be referring another site to everyone) i met this really sweet guy whose active (in the way he kept in shape AND in the way i'm too reserved to mention) ways just really, REALLY had me clinging to him like a puppy dog, like this puppy love that was only meant for high school, and the thing is this guy is about to graduate from high school while i'm 20 and feel the pressure to live alone, drive or bike around california on my own, have plenty of friends and such and such an independent trait there is the pressure to have.

here's the thing, i guess...he doesn't want a relationship. and i'm sure everyone knows what that means, right? in the dating world? i'm asking for it, i'm gonna get hurt, i shouldn't even be friends with him if he 'just wants hookups'...right?

the day after i went on my first 'date' with him i absolutely regretted how everything went and it wasn't even a disaster but even on here i'm afraid to share what i wish was different. i wished the you-know-what had been different. My mom probably saw it in my eyes the day she came home and started going on and on, practically yelling at the top of her lungs half the time (that's the way she is; you don't want to see her when she's angry, at least around me)...saying that i'm just gonna make him run away the more i text him, the more i want him to call me and text him to call me and initiate the texting and everything of that nature that eventually happened over time until up now, that i'm feeling like i got over it, it was just a stage, all i want is a friendship.

the thing is he was so sweet. he has bipolar...well, not diagnosed but supposedly he shows traits according to what he said, and he understands exactly what it is to lose a friend and was just as willing as me to keep on with the relationship--that is the friendship with benefits, i guess--and that i could still hang out with him, he hated losing connection just as much as i did. eventually my mom looked past it herself and assured me i'd find other guys, which i'm getting to that point i'm sure, even if i just resort to finding guys outside of online, on campus when my summer classes start....

i just wonder what everyone would say to me using online dating in the first place, me being so into the *** in the first place and the guys liking me only for that...it's mainly also because of my bipolar and there was even an article about hypersexuality that my mom had me read from a bipolar magazine when i was using the dating site while still dating--CHEATING--yeah but everyone knows better than to call me what they could call me on places like myspace and facebook right?

look everyone, it's simple. i'm looking for positive advice only, but i'd really like positive advice if i get any from this at all. just no name calling for all my little devious sins i've possibly committed (no i'm not catholic, just being lighthearted about religion), everyone knows better, but if you have something nice to say about all this, that could really actually mean something other than the average advice about ignoring guys as much as you feel tempted to go with guys who don't really want you as much as you want them...that's really all i'm saying. but it's only a small part of this big story, so if you read everything, i hope you get the gist and maybe feel for me, or just have to be accusing--accusing as you can without being insulting. as much as that's nonsensical

well thanks for hearing my life story everyone. peace...
chels aka rochelle

_________________
step out of your thoughts, yourself, your past, your future, and absorb and observe everything. don't just become your thoughts, be aware of them. --not a direct quote from, but words often spoken by, Eckhart Tolle

Let me see if I understand

1) you did the deed after meeting him once, or maybe a couple of times
2) you really like him
3) he says he's not interested in a relationship, right?

Now

1)How often does he contact you?
2) Has he seemed to go out of his way to do things you like?
3) How often have you gone out in general?

Maybe I missed something, but if you answer these, I can probably help.
The title of your post agreed with me, I was thinking the same thing about my now boyfriend about two months after we started dating (again)

But he never gave me any *negative* messages, just a lack of strictly positive ones, unless I got the ball rolling so to speak.
You may be, like me, a female initiator-type, which is something that a) guys tend not to deal with very well, unless they are a little bit passive and b) somewhat rare

I don't know, let me know what you think

When I have been in this situation I have just come right out and said "Ok, I am getting mixed signals here. What do you want exactly?" And I get an answer. If I like the answer then fine. If I cant live with their answer then I would move on. Plenty of others to date.

You want "positive advice" after describing that....? Well I guess I have had my misjudgements. I would rather be a virgin than that. Then again I'm not female so I might not get it. Still, I am a guy who thinks guys should be the initiator, and I know from experience that if a girl suggests a relationship with me, the whole time I would be unsure about it. I am just glad I didn't go through with those relationships. Although in my weaker moments sometimes I wish I wasn't a virgin.