NT needs Advice

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Obvious troll is obvious.

I'm in a relationship with an Aspie, and though we are having sex now, we waited for a while before we started, and he would have been willing to wait a LOT longer if need be because it was never about the sex in the first place.

I don't think it is logistically possible to determine that. Even getting a decent sampling via poll on this site would hardly qualify as definitive.
But I can say for certain that there is at least one Aspie on this thread that wants something other than casual sex.
And, based on what the OP has said about her boyfriend, he seems like-minded.

I think, based on the postings here, that the reasonable conclusion is Lonermutant (revealing tag) only wants one thing from women. There appears to be no basis for the generalization of his view to all Aspie men. The statement 'we Aspie men' is therefore incorrect.

And frankly, this puts Lonermutant on the level of your average canine... just following his gonads down the road to the next sexual encounter. Enjoy the company, LM, before you become roadkill.

The averge Aspie male is far more intelligent than his gonads, but there's always an exception.

Last edited by DonkeyBuster on 09 Jun 2009, 6:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

We're not so different you and I. Like, really, I'm in love with this site now. I've been alone in the way I think for what feels like ages.

As per the relationship, most the advice given is sound. Myself, I can't stand it if someone becomes distant, but I deal with it and accidentally become distant myself. Vicious circle I guess, seeing how naturally I don't call or even email anyone, afraid I'm interrupting them, silly as that sounds. Once I get started, I'm a social butterfly, but if it's not initiated by someone else, it tends to be very extended between chats. Kind of amusing, in a way, because I really want to talk to my ex, but I can't call him no matter how much I want to. I dunno what to say, I'm afraid if he finds out I'm not over him, etc.

Another problem tends to be, if I've exhausted a certain subject, I might just go silent because I have nothing to talk about, and it makes people feel awkward in general. It's one reason I don't like talking on the phone. I'll go silent and they always go "you there?"

Maybe if you come up with a system? Like if you call him today, it's his turn to call tomorrow? That saves any problems of worrying about optimal spacing between calls etc (we don't have intuition for this, so we reason it, which can lead to terminal indecision or a grossly incorrect rate).
As somebody else posted, if at some point he called at a bad time or something he may be worrying about it happening again, hence doesn't call but waits for you to call. If that's the case, you could tell him that you prefer that he occasionally calls at a time that happens to be inconvenient (and it's be good if you explicitly agree to in such cases just say 'sorry, I can't talk right now, could you call in an hour?/I'll call you later) than that he never calls at all - you could also agree that if on a particular day he's going to be extremely busy or something he will text you/email just to let you know he won't be calling, rather than simply not calling. It may be he doesn't realise you mind always being the one to call, and hence doesn't see a big reason to change. I don't blame you for minding; on the contrary, with friends I've been in your situation and it gets old pretty fast.
Generally, talking openly, even bluntly about things is a good idea if you're an NT female talking to a male (trust me, the vast majority of NT men would prefer women to be far more direct than they are on average), but if it's an AS male it's even more important. Anyway, best of luck, you sound like a pretty reasonable, understanding person.

Just remember about the bluntness.... be calm and straightforward. Clear, concise and
NON-JUDGEMENTAL.

Don't let things build up to where you are angry or frustrated or wanting to get even. Our feelings may be shown differently, but we do have them and people going off on us and belittling us hurts.

I'm not saying you do that, but I've noticed that NTs often bottle things up til they blow... and from my side, that REALLY doesn't work for me.

So true... If something bothers you, it's best to discuss it calmly and rationally. It helps to be as factual and specific as you can, along the lines of 'Yesterday, when you did X, I felt Y, and likewise last Sunday when you said Z' rather than 'You never pay attention to me' or 'You always disrespect me.' Anyway, to clarify what I meant about 'bluntness' was that it's best to tell him things explicitly and clearly rather than hope he will intuitively know how you feel without verbal input.