Why I don't think I'm cut out for a relationship.

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0_equals_true
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18 Jun 2009, 6:01 am

MrLoony wrote:

I assume pretty much every possibility out there, and that's what you need to start doing, at least partially.

OK, she didn't show up for when she was supposed to. One possibility is that she lied to you, sure, but... wait. She was making dinner (maybe she was planning on eating while she talked to you), and she spilled oil on the burner. OH NOES! Luckily, she managed to put the fire out, but the stress caused her to completely forget everything that she had planned that day. Or maybe there was a lightning storm. Her power went out! Now the chance that she lied to you was 1 in 3 (since we have no way of determining the probability of each incident, we must assume equal probability to each)

That is pretty much the definition of neurotic right there. Not recommended. Of course we are all guilt of it but that doesn't make it good.

The point is that something may have come up, but you need to not get obsessed about it.

0_equals_true
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18 Jun 2009, 6:08 am

Observer20 wrote:

Let me tell you something. A lot of women on dating sites, aren't there to actually meet anyone.

That’s actually not quite right. People can be picky. They didn't pick you, don't loose sleep over it. The whole point of dating sites is to allow people to be as picky as possible. However some people cannot choose and they are not going to rush into it and will probably give up especially if they could find someone in real life.

Pretty much everything that people do has an ego trip element to it. We are self-centred beings. try not moralize it [edited for content by sinsboldly]

pissgai
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18 Jun 2009, 8:46 am

sinsboldly wrote:

Spokane_Girl wrote:

It's my PM, I wrote it, I sent it, I can do what I want with it ~snip~ You're lucky I kept it private because I felt it should be through PM, not here, to avoid a debate.

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Didn't stop Alex from reading other people's PM. LMAO.

And the guy whinging in this topic needs to get over it. [epithet removed by lau].

WXDustin
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18 Jun 2009, 9:34 am

Online or not, people in real life flake too. It doesn't matter in the end. Self esteem comes from more things than this. Self esteem must be an "endergonic" reaction, I swear. :lol: If it was "exergonic" I'd be dead 5 years ago.

pissgai
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18 Jun 2009, 9:35 am

WXDustin wrote:

Online or not, people in real life flake too. It doesn't matter in the end. Self esteem comes from more things than this. Self esteem must be an "endergonic" reaction, I swear. :lol:

If it was "exergonic" I'd be dead 5 years ago.

A shame - you'd do the world a favour.

WXDustin
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18 Jun 2009, 9:41 am

Spokane girl, I'm not looking to break any rules either, but I do have my three cents to put on here. Let KenM post what he wants on here, I mean obviously he doesn't have anywhere else to talk about this? I think the man just needs to accept he was meant to be alone, as I am starting to realize at 19. So you are about my age, so we can all just calm down and be adults here.

WXDustin
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18 Jun 2009, 9:42 am

pissgai wrote:

WXDustin wrote:

Online or not, people in real life flake too. It doesn't matter in the end. Self esteem comes from more things than this. Self esteem must be an "endergonic" reaction, I swear. :lol:

If it was "exergonic" I'd be dead 5 years ago.

A shame - you'd do the world a favour.

So you are saying I should had killed myself? Let's see if the moderators act on that.

ManErg
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18 Jun 2009, 10:58 am

Quote:

People can be picky. They didn't pick you, don't loose sleep over it.

Nice idea. Requires the detachment of a Buddha to put into practice, though.

No offence intended to KenM, who deserves some good fortune more than most here, but I'm sure he wouldn't have bothered posting if this was an "unusual exception" to his normal experience. Surely, if one is continually "not getting picked", it would be sensible to devote at least some attention to why this is?

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whitecrow
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18 Jun 2009, 12:42 pm

In dating use face-to-face or phone. It was OK to call when she was not online at 8:30. There are too many variables why someone could not rely on being at a computer at a designated time. It would have been different had she promised to (phone) call at 8:30.

KenM
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18 Jun 2009, 7:21 pm

Well it turns out she took a nap and overslept. I'm going to meet her saturaday. See how it goes. Ntrying not to have any expectations.

I know it was most likely something like this. I'm not blaming her. But like I said, with what has happened to me in the past, I automattaclly think that its hurtfull towards me. I know this is not healthly for me to think that way but I don't know how to get out of that way of thinking.

FarmerJim
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18 Jun 2009, 7:26 pm

I understand, Kenm. My second wife often beat me with her stick when I return later than anticipated. She believe I was spending time with another women. Now my current wife does not do this however I fear that she will, whenever I am later returning home. So hurrying home faster so as to avoid punishment. I steal have the scars on my buttocks. I think men can be equal traumatised by past relationship experiences as can woman.

Spokane_Girl

18 Jun 2009, 7:29 pm

You have to keep telling yourself something else probably came up or something happened or maybe that person forgot. Just wait till you see that person again and ask them what happened and why didn't they show up for something like you two planned.

I do these sort of things all the time to myself.

ManErg
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19 Jun 2009, 5:01 am

KenM wrote:

Glad to hear you found out what happened! It's perfectly natural to base our expectations on our experience, so you can't blame yourself for that. However, maybe this will work out different for you?

I wish you the best of luck on your meeting! Not trying to have expectations is *definitely* the way to go. Then at least you can relax and enjoy it.

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Saguaro
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19 Jun 2009, 7:16 am

KenM wrote:

I'm glad it was a simple mistake. I think what you should do when you begin to automatically think about the negative reason to why something did not work out you should counter that thought with a positive reason to why it did not work out that way. You should try and leave things nutural until you find out the real reason. I would also suggest being ready to accept either outcome. I think someone else on here said this but in a different way.

Hope it all goes good on Saturday for you

Funaho
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19 Jun 2009, 11:45 am

KenM wrote:

The last week or so I have been emailing messages with someone that messaged me on a dating site. She seems nice. Yesterday I get an email from her giving me her windows messenger ID and asking me to add her and she will ne online about 830 or so so we could talk. I do that and she never loged in or anything. I waited 20 minutes.

I felt let down and I wondered why she decided to blow me off and lie to me. This is how I think when I look forward to something and it does not go right. We have not even talked on the phone yet and I'm already thinking she likes to lie and mislead me.

I have no idea how to get past this way of thinking, its not good to think this way in a relationship. So I don't think I can handle a relationship because little things like this get me so worked up.

I have this same problem and the same fear as you. So many things tend to upset me, silly little things, things that really have nothing to do with me but I think they might anyway. It's one reason why I don't even really try to get a gf anymore. :/

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KenM
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19 Jun 2009, 9:03 pm

Well I just got an email from her saying she does not do good with long distance relationships and thinks its best we part ways.

She is judging me without even giving me a chance.

And people here wonder why I'm bitter towards women? She says she want to meet then just change her mind without even getting to know me?

Suicide is looking better and better. All I want is a relationship but no matter how much I try God screws with me.

I challenge anyone to go what I have gone through with women and not feel the same way I do.

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