17 Jul 2009, 1:29 pm
......
Yes you are. Understanding and issues work both ways. You were playing mind-games because you were anxious, she was playing mind-games because she was more than likely angry/annoyed. Yet you have looked at this whole situation from a unipolar perspective. Although she might apologise for getting angry with you, the onus is on you to apologise, because you created this mess and were very rude. (Btw, count yourself lucky if you get an apology, because technically you don't really deserve one).
You can play mind games unintentionally?
17 Jul 2009, 1:42 pm
17 Jul 2009, 1:46 pm
the_wife
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 29 Jun 2009
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 55
Location: Colorado
17 Jul 2009, 2:14 pm
BadPuddle
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 11 May 2009
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 57
Location: North West England
18 Jul 2009, 5:47 am
Thank you everyone, for your responses to my original post.
We spoke yesterday about the whole episode and it was a largely neutral family matter that she wanted to talk about, no cheating or anything like that going on.
I explained how anxious I had been over the whole 'kept in the dark' thing, and I felt it was unfair to carry on like that. She does know me well enough not to.
I got a bit of a telling off for not trusting her with the news, but she also agreed to consider how my anxiety can get out of hand.
Me not ordering a drink was a side issue as far as she was concerned, but it did make her feel rushed into drinking her own quickly, so she didn't feel like spilling the beans at that given moment.
And, I wasn't in any way rude to the people behind the counter 
18 Jul 2009, 5:51 am
Well done! 
Good news are always pleasant to read.
BadPuddle
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 11 May 2009
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 57
Location: North West England
18 Jul 2009, 7:00 am
Good news are always pleasant to read.
Thanks Zena4!
I have learned how I can come across quite badly at times and although the gf was out of order, I was too.
18 Jul 2009, 8:15 am
I have learned how I can come across quite badly at times and although the gf was out of order, I was too.
I'm glad your sorted everything out and i agree there were problems on both sides. In relationships is usually always a 50/50 blame split in disagreements
18 Jul 2009, 9:27 am
Immediately I went into panic mode, thinking someone was ill, I was in some kind of trouble, there was bad news etc etc. My mind was racing and she knows me well enough to know that was inevitable. All the same, she reassured me it was nothing to worry about, but she wouldn't even give me a clue over what was going on.
if she said there was nothing to worry about then i would not have worried.
even if she said i should be worried, i would not have worried.
i have no secrets, and i can not be worried.
i would have seen her as a drama queen in a way.
She went mad at me saying she wasn't going to be sitting there FOR AN HOUR without me having a drink.
i would have become annoyed with her displeasure at my not drinking some beverage.
if she said she wasn't going to be sitting there FOR AN HOUR without me having a drink,
i would have said "neither am i", and i would have left.
She refused. On the grounds that she didn't feel like it anymore.
she sounds rather interesting in a way. if she did not "feel like it any more", then she is just blustering, and you have no need to be paranoid.
She raised her voice and asked me what my problem was!
she probably was playing you like a violin. she seems to know how to elicit strong reactions from people. she is probably very well practiced at playing with people's minds. i like her from your description.
18 Jul 2009, 2:09 pm
We spoke yesterday about the whole episode and it was a largely neutral family matter that she wanted to talk about, no cheating or anything like that going on.
I explained how anxious I had been over the whole 'kept in the dark' thing, and I felt it was unfair to carry on like that. She does know me well enough not to.
I got a bit of a telling off for not trusting her with the news, but she also agreed to consider how my anxiety can get out of hand.
Me not ordering a drink was a side issue as far as she was concerned, but it did make her feel rushed into drinking her own quickly, so she didn't feel like spilling the beans at that given moment.
And, I wasn't in any way rude to the people behind the counter
Sounds like a misunderstanding you two had but I'm glad you two worked it out.
18 Jul 2009, 9:18 pm
I have a similar story.
My husband gets very annoyed when I say I'll do something and then I don't do it, even if it's not important. One day he asked me to go to the post office to do something for him, I agreed. It was something that could be done anytime, there was no time limit and the result would've been the same even a week later. But he wanted to get it out of his mind. I told him I'll do it next day after work. Next day I found out that I got a job that I really, really wanted. It was great news and I decided to stop and buy a bottle of champaigne and something special to eat to celebrate de news. I had no time to go to the post office because I went to the shop and I had to pick-up the kids from school. So, I'm waiting for him at home to give him the great news. He comes home annoyed with something to do with work, I try to calm him down so I can tell him I got the job. He than asked me if I went to the post office. I said: 'no, I had no time, but listen, I want to tell you something...'. And then he gets into this rant about how next time he'll do it himself because he can't count on me 
. Anyway, he totally ruined my day and my mood, so I went to do some work in the house. Next morning I was still upset so I didn't tell him anything. I felt a bit better by lunchtime so I went to the post office in my lunch break and then I sent him a message telling him that the problem was solved. He appologised at home that he overreacted the day before and indeed there was no difference if it was done a day later, but he would like me to be more reliable. I was still so annoyed that he ruined my day so I told him I'll try to remember this next time 
, but didn't tell him about the job. He found out few days later from a friend of mine. I think he still doesn't understand why I just didn't tell him that I had a good reason not to go to the post office so we can celebrate the job. I wasn't in the mood for that after being lectured on how unreliable I am 
. Anyway, he did take me out to celebrate in weekend.
BadPuddle
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 11 May 2009
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 57
Location: North West England
19 Jul 2009, 4:09 am
Laura,
I think your reaction then was quite understandable, and in the same situation I would have felt a bit deflated and probably kept my good news to myself., at least for a while. I'm glad that it all worked out though, and you ended up celebrating
It just goes to show though, how messed up things get when we have communication breakdowns.
**************************
Unexpected 'twist' :-
Everyone has posted as if I am a bloke - I'm female. I posted in the 'gay aspergers' thread a couple of months ago when I was new here 
19 Jul 2009, 4:23 am
My husband gets very annoyed when I say I'll do something and then I don't do it, even if it's not important. One day he asked me to go to the post office to do something for him, I agreed. It was something that could be done anytime, there was no time limit and the result would've been the same even a week later. But he wanted to get it out of his mind. I told him I'll do it next day after work. Next day I found out that I got a job that I really, really wanted. It was great news and I decided to stop and buy a bottle of champaigne and something special to eat to celebrate de news. I had no time to go to the post office because I went to the shop and I had to pick-up the kids from school. So, I'm waiting for him at home to give him the great news. He comes home annoyed with something to do with work, I try to calm him down so I can tell him I got the job. He than asked me if I went to the post office. I said: 'no, I had no time, but listen, I want to tell you something...'. And then he gets into this rant about how next time he'll do it himself because he can't count on me
. Anyway, he totally ruined my day and my mood, so I went to do some work in the house. Next morning I was still upset so I didn't tell him anything. I felt a bit better by lunchtime so I went to the post office in my lunch break and then I sent him a message telling him that the problem was solved. He appologised at home that he overreacted the day before and indeed there was no difference if it was done a day later, but he would like me to be more reliable. I was still so annoyed that he ruined my day so I told him I'll try to remember this next time , but didn't tell him about the job. He found out few days later from a friend of mine. I think he still doesn't understand why I just didn't tell him that I had a good reason not to go to the post office so we can celebrate the job. I wasn't in the mood for that after being lectured on how unreliable I am . Anyway, he did take me out to celebrate in weekend.I would have been annoyed too if you didn't do something you said you were going to do.
Did you ever tell your husband why you didn't tell him the good news?
You could have gone to the post office first and then buy a bottle of champagne after you pick the kids up from school.
Always do things first when you say you are going to do something.
20 Jul 2009, 2:20 am
You could have gone to the post office first and then buy a bottle of champagne after you pick the kids up from school.
Always do things first when you say you are going to do something.
My husband thinks the same. But I can't see what the problem is
. It would be ok to be upset if there was a time limit I missed or if the outcome was influenced in any way, but it made no difference. I didn't want to take the kids shopping after school because I was tired and I wanted to get home before my husband. When he found out he asked me why I didn't tell him. He did feel very sorry for ruining my day.
the_wife
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 29 Jun 2009
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 55
Location: Colorado
20 Jul 2009, 9:44 am
. It would be ok to be upset if there was a time limit I missed or if the outcome was influenced in any way, but it made no difference. I tend to agree with your husband and Spokane Girl. It DOES make a difference. It makes a difference because you said you would do it. Otherwise, why say it?
21 Jul 2009, 3:51 pm
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