Dating and intimate relationships
There is not a man on the face of this planet who wouldnt love to here his girlfriend tell him this. He would absolutely love to here you tell him that and help figure out that problem together.
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?It's a sad thing not to have friends, but it is even sadder not to have enemies.? - El Che
Mist01
Snowy Owl
Joined: 24 Apr 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 168
Location: Western Pennsylvania, USA
I agree with willa. If he really likes you too, you shouldnt have any fear of telling him, because he wont make fun of you or be turned off by you. Next time you two are all cuddly together and you feel the time is right, just tell him. Then once you do kiss, dont think about it. Just react.
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"Discovering the basic goodness of human life, the warrior learns to radiate that goodness into the world for the peace and sanity of others. "
--Chgyam Trungpa
It's not too hard to get a hang of. It's kind of like dancing: once person takes the lead and the other person follows. I'm guessing you'll probably let him lead you along and show you how it's done.
Here's the main thing: have a clean mouth, don't get too slobbery, and pick a lip to concentrate on (since some moves require that you concentrate on one, rather than both). I know the last one sounds silly but people do have a preferred lip and I've noticed that switching back and forth in the middle tends to throw the other person off their groove.
Try http://www.scarleteen.com/ - sex advice for teens.
My advice is mostly about maintaining healthy personal boundaries, and about communicating your needs to your partner.
1. Do not do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you are not ready for something, do not do it. If he pressures you, tell him to stop, and if he doesn't stop, the relationship needs to end because that person is dangerous.
2. It is OK to do something sexual once or many times, and then later to decide that you do not want to do that anymore. Doing something once does not mean that the other person has the right to demand that you do it again. Each time, the decision is up to you. Communicate your feelings to your partner, verbally. Your partner must respect your boundaries, otherwise he does not deserve to be your partner.
3. Do not do something because you feel like you "owe" it to your partner. No one "owes" anyone else any kind of sexual contact for any reason. Even in a marriage, if one person does not want to have sexual contact anymore, the other person has no right to coerce or force the other person. If one person does not like the other person's boundaries, they can talk about it, and if they can't reach a compromise, the relationship may end. Regardless, It is NEVER acceptable to force or coerce anyone else.
4. During any kind of sexual contact with your partner, don't be afraid to tell them what you like and what you don't like. If he starts to do something that does not feel good, you don't have to just sit there and take it. It's OK to say something like "let's slow down" and tell or show him what you'd like better.
5. It's OK to stop altogether if you're not feeling good about it. Even if a man becomes aroused, and he feels sexually frustrated, it does not become your job to relieve him with an orgasm. If he's that frustrated, he can go to the bathroom and masturbate. Since you sound pretty new to sexual activity I just want to say that it's understandable that you might get to a point where you realize you're uncomfortable and want to stop. No one has perfect awareness of their sexual desires and boundaries, and especially when you are starting out it can be a time of exploration. Your only job is to be honest with yourself, and to be honest with your partner as long as it is safe to do so. A person should feel lucky that you trust them enough to share your first experiences with them. Anyone who tries to call you "a tease" or any other rude name is a tool who does not deserve your company.
The rest of this advice is for if you get to a point where you want to do more than kiss:
5. Before giving or receiving oral sex or having penetrative intercourse, go with him to get tested for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) together. Communicate to your partner that if he wants to do either of those things with you, that getting tested has to happen first.
6. Realize that typical STI panels (a "panel" is a group of tests) do NOT include testing for HPV (which can cause warts or cervical cancer) or for HSV (herpes simplex 1 or 2). There is no reliable test for HPV in men, and HSV testing is expensive and not 100% accurate. Therefore it is important to talk with your partner about his sexual history: how many partners he's had, whether they used latex barriers and for which activities, etc.
7. Consider getting vaccinated with Gardasil, which protects against 4 common strains of HPV.
8. If you plan to have penetrative intercourse, visit a doctor and get a reliable form of birth control.
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