Never wanting to get out of Bed

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I think I also have a have a harder time waking up because (well, since I'm Trigendered) I feel that In my feminine mode and I need to force myself to trasaction to my normal mode meaning Androgyne (meaning a mix of Masculinity and Feminine together or genderless). I tend to cry a little bit first thing in the morning discovering that my loving relation doesn't exist yet and my Tom-Boyfriend is nothing more but my hoping thoughts and my pillows. I feel alright at night where I'm kind of on my Masculine side sort of laughing at irreverent humor and working hard on my animation projects and stuff but as soon as I feel tired, I start to kind of cry and change genders wanting my pillows and such again.

Sigh, It's hard being Aspie and Non-Binary Transgendered.

It's like I have the feeling that I never want to go to bed so I'm staying up until 3am sometimes, most of the time it's Midnight or 1am and as soon as I go to bed, I'm a female (mentally) and when I have to get up, I have to change genders again. I usually change genders in a certain situation or depending on my mood, but in this case I have to force to change myself because as soon as I open my bedroom door, my parents are either walking fast upstars (where I'm at) or downstairs (where I have no choice but to eat breakfast)

I still hate waking up at 10:30am. I feel like I want to stay in bed the whole day because when I hold my pillows close to me, I feel that I'm with the special someone who I always wanted in my life. Someone who can relate to my personality and my Non-Binary Gender. I feel very peaceful, relaxed and very very happy. Until I have to get up, I am no longer socially happy having to wake up in the real world, my nagging parents and daily driving lessons with my father. Waking up to a world where I feel that I can not relate to anyone. Before my parents worried about me and telling me that I shouldn't sleep in until 1pm because it's not healthy. Sure I can go to bed early and do it that way, but here's the problem. Basicly almost every single stinkin' day, my Step Mother is home and she goes to bed arbout 10:00pm now a days and my father sleeps on the couch downstairs. It's the closest thing to being alone and having the house to myself. Unfortunatly my father rarely sleeps upstairs anymore ever sense he got himself an HDTV. I try to stay up as much as I can and as soon as I'm ready for bed, it's a feeling where my gender wants to change from Androgynous Normal mode to Feminine, then when I wake up, I have to change to Androgynous or something desent that wouldn't freak out my parents. I've had a few mornings where I sat up on the corner of the bed crying without tears coming out my eyes. I feel during the day I have to focus my thoughts on other things besides trying to find my dream parter because I fear that If I think about it, the more sad and depressed I get, but sometimes when I think about them, it makes me think that they are actually there with me. It's hard to explain.

It's like I'm yerning for another life, I'm yerning for what I need to my life happier. I even prayed to God with tears in my eyes, still nothing! Now I found out that my appartment wouldn't come up until January which Sucks! I'm surprised that I can still survive with a lonley heart and an idea of what would be a decent life partner for me. I always fear that I'm on a life on the run because I'm a satirist and a Non-Binary Transgendered. I feel that everyone is after me, even being Aspie. I feel that no one can relate to me until I go to bed. Unfortunatly Bed time is only for a certain amount of time. I tryed before to go to bed early but I can't fall asleep and I'm ruining my own freetime when my parents are asleep.

I never want to get out of bed because I am too lazy =D. Not because I want to f**k a pillow more .

I have it too, i hardly get out of the bed easily when i'm going too school, but my aspie friends are worse, they're violent when i try to wake them, but the thing that's silly about me is that i want to sleep long during school days and not during weekends, holidays.

I've been recovering in Bed for a few days after my Wisdom tooth surgery. I guess I feel a little bit better and my Step Mother asked if I feel alright to stay up and get dressed and practice driving. One thing about Asperger's that I hate is that we can't lie without feeling guilty so I didn't. Now I'm up, there's chores that need to be done. I cried this morning because I wanted to stay in bed all day, especially when my parents are home. Even though they are very supportive, I HATE THEM Because of their Seriousness in their personalities. They think fact and want me to conform to them. They say staying in bed all day isn't healthy. In which way, I think it's very healthy emotional wise so I don't have to get up and live in a confusing stressed out world. My parents want me to stop taking my pain pills because my mouth doesn't hurt anymore. I Just want to sleep my whole life away because the things that I really want and need in my life (social life / life partner) aren't there.

I'm thinking of just going to bed earlier now because it's so stressful waking up in the morning, especially when my parents expect me to wake up on time. I'm still kind of waking up now and just waiting for my step mother to go to work so I can finally feel relaxed enough to use the restroom, drink some coffee and start my day. Unfortunately I never get the house to myself anymore much. My Step Mother thinks that she's a hard worker, she only works 2 1/2 days. He's a Nurse at a Hospital. I only get a certain amount of time to myself and I have to also figure out that plus production time for my show, because It's really stressful filming my show when my parents are up and about because I don't want them to hear anything in it. It's a satirical show and they get offended over satire easily and might want to have long talks to me about how I can get arrested my the police over razor sharp witty puppets. LOL They don't have a sense of humor by the way. Thank GOD, my Step mother just left the house and I feel a lot less depressed. It's a feeling where I'm back to my happy ENFP self when my parents leave the house, unfortunately it only lasts for a certain about of hours. That's why I stay up until 1am. Sure my father is watching TV downstairs but my Step Mother went to bed. Nothing agent them, they are kind supportive parents but they are complete nagging serious people . I'm in my room as if it was my apartment. The unfortunate thing about staying up is that I feel very very tired but I don't want to go to bed because it's the only time that I can have to myself later on. But when it's time for me to go to bed (This is Because that I'm Non-Binary Transgender), I switch my expression to Feminine so I can fantasize that I have a supporting, caring, and very cuddly and playful Masculine Tom-Boy friend. Unfortunately when I have to force myself to wake up, that means I have to force myself not to act Feminine anymore or feel safe. When I wake up, I feel scared about the world and I start to cry, this happens about every single morning.

@ Willard: please don't freak out or take this the wrong way, but I think I may in fact love you...

I've been in that boat numerous times as well.

No, i dont see how hugging a pillow compensates for having a "substitute"(sp?). gf/bf.

When there isn't anybody i like, i dont give it to much thought, and it's something i can overcome, but sometimes i do wish i would have a gf ^^;

And if there is someone i like, and that person dosnt like me back, i'm just emo and cope with it til i get over it o.o


I remember clearly that when i was little i always used to say i never wanted to marry cause i could do everything on my own xD
And that is true to some point, it's not like i will fail without a partner, just having one, is nicer.


So imo you should just try, not to think to much of it, dont give it to much thought.
And if you see some people who do have a gf/bf or whatever, well just look away or something.
something to keep you occupied is a good idea

The First Thought of Mine in The Morning Is Always "Why Am I Alone?".