Lack of experience

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This thread deals with three topics:

1. Do you believe that women are put off by men with no relationship experience? If you are a woman who is interested in men, would you be (or would you have been) put off by a man with no relationship experience (which for the purposes of this thread, we shall assume is in his mid-twenties or older)? Have you known any women to be put off by men with no relationship experience?

2. How does a man with no relationship experience go about revealing this to his date or girlfriend? When can this be mentioned? Should this be mentioned? Would the man be obligated to give any explanation for his lack of experience?

3. How long should a man go through a relationship without mentioning his lack of experience? At what stage in a relationship does a lack of experience become apparent?

This is of interest to me, though hypothetical. I am not requesting that all questions are answered.

You're obsessing. Someone who genuinely likes you couldn't care less what kind of relationship experience you do or don't have. Most people frankly don't like hearing too much about their BF/GF's past experiences. It makes you sound as though you're somehow clinging to that past, rather than committing to the present, and it's insulting to feel that an ex is more on your mind than they are. Makes people insecure. No one cares how much relationship experience you've had. They care about how you treat them in this one.

By "relationship experience" I don't just mean past gfs but also romantic/sexual intimacy to any extent.

1. Do you believe that women are put off by men with no relationship experience? If you are a woman who is interested in men, would you be (or would you have been) put off by a man with no relationship experience (which for the purposes of this thread, we shall assume is in his mid-twenties or older)? Have you known any women to be put off by men with no relationship experience?

Yes, I have known women who are put off by men without relationship experience. But among the women I know, it tends to be the minority not the majority. For me, I don't have an issue with someone not having relationship experience. I figure I'm still a work in progress and he would be the same so you both grow and learn.

2. How does a man with no relationship experience go about revealing this to his date or girlfriend? When can this be mentioned? Should this be mentioned? Would the man be obligated to give any explanation for his lack of experience?

I've been in this situation before and the guy told me after we had a chance to get to know each other. There's no sense in revealing your past experiences about anything significant that would impact a future relationship if it doesn't seem like it's going in that direction anyway. Yes, I think it should be mentioned at some point and it usually comes out naturally as the other person inquires about past people/experiences. I think it's up to the man on whether he wants to give an explanation or not. I think that giving an explanation is a good idea because if it comes across as if he's hiding something then that would not work in his favour.

3. How long should a man go through a relationship without mentioning his lack of experience? At what stage in a relationship does a lack of experience become apparent?

I don't think there's a set time that passes before it's mentioned. I think you figure it out as you go and when you feel comfortable, it becomes a topic of discussion. It's hard for me to judge if there's a stage where lack of experience becomes apparent because Aspies are faced with social quirks as it is. So they may already come off as a tad bit different.

Hope that helped.

Last edited by CelticGoddess on 23 Aug 2009, 7:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can agree and somewhat relate to that, but just because you've had past experience doesn't mean you aren't over it. One may have plenty of experience and still only think of their present partner, which is an ideal I suspect many women past a certain age look for.

I was thinking more in terms of how far before it really gets to the point where it should have been mentioned already, if there is such a point.

Oh yes.....my brother took a girl out to the movies and he was turned off because she talked about her past relationship experiences. he didnt wanna hear about that.

I can recall a girl I liked asking me if i ever had a gf in the high school i go to, and I said no. I've had a couple of gfs but not in highschool and she just turned around. she wanted to know if i had relatiosnhip experiences.
But the fact is, she didnt like me in the first place so she was trying to find something wrong. girls who genuinely like me don't try to fins anything wrong, they'll see what's wrong if its there, if not, they dont look because they are so fascinated by me. i dont talk about my lack of experience because its not necessary, you're just asking for rejection.
so girls who are turned off by that dont even like you in the first place.

Its like you asking a girl if she has an STD......why would you ask that? because you're trying to find a reason not to date her.

Aah, that's a horse of a slightly different color.

Again, if someone really likes you, that's not likely to be a deal breaker. I wouldn't mention it up front, that would sound odd, but it'll come up when it comes up (pun unintentional). At that point it would be fine to say 'I'm kinda new at this - I may need a lot of practice' or something of the sort. That brings the subject out in the open and makes the atmosphere a little lighter at the same time. Everybody goes through that kind of moment, most more than once.

Think about baseball. The more boring you find baseball, the better it works...

WARNING:This contains purely my own opinion plus I'm still 14 y/o so if you're against w/ it,just say it nicely

1. Do you believe that women are put off by men with no relationship experience? If you are a woman who is interested in men, would you be (or would you have been) put off by a man with no relationship experience (which for the purposes of this thread, we shall assume is in his mid-twenties or older)? Have you known any women to be put off by men with no relationship experience?

There is no use of GENERALIZING..sOme love boys w/ experience,some don't...Being put off by a man because he don't have the experience?that's very shallow! I would rather have a relationship with a boy w/ no experience 'cuz the innocence is still there plus the good thing is, i'll be his first or probably only one

2. How does a man with no relationship experience go about revealing this to his date or girlfriend? When can this be mentioned? Should this be mentioned? Would the man be obligated to give any explanation for his lack of experience?

I would love a honest man! You should mention it as soon as possible..It is better if the girl you will be dating is your friend that you've meet in person (or even just online) and with a background of your life...If a girL won't like you because you've told her that you're luck of experience,it simply means you're not meant for each other..If a girL would love the way you are(and willing to accept everything about you),then CONGRATULATIONS!

“Every act of dishonesty has at least two victims: the one we think of as the victim, and the perpetrator as well. Each little dishonesty makes another little rotten spot somewhere in the perpetrator's psyche.”

3. How long should a man go through a relationship without mentioning his lack of experience? At what stage in a relationship does a lack of experience become apparent?

Well,if you have gone into the relationship w/o being caught of having a lack of experience you're lucky.(But I would suggest you should inform the girL earlier)..If you wanna test if she really love you the way you are,then probably you should say it...It would serve as a test whether she really likes you or not..

“Honesty: The best of all the lost arts”


Sorry for the grammar mistakes

(deleted) too mature for a 14 y/o to say

If some freak miracle happens and I find myself with a possible girlfriend or even someone I'm interested in enough to want to go on multiple dates with, I'd be scared to try to kiss her. I would have no idea when to do it or how or anything.

It's useless, Hector.

Asking such question on forum won't bring a real conclusion, people on forums behind the screens tend to be ideal. It's so easy to be ideal behind the screen but not when you find yourself have to take a real decision in real life.

To get a better and more coherent conclusion, just read scientific studies and observe around you...

Have you ever noticed that the man known as 'ladies men' are the ones who get most attention from women? and how many women literally wish to date such man, yet they're really aware that he was , is and probably will always be .....a 'ladies man'?!
They're called 'ladies man' for a reason after all.

I am sure you noticed that, otherwise you wouldn't post this thread.

I think it comes down to this instinct: 'if something is too demanded, then it must be too valuable"

it also comes down to this sexual instinct: "The more experienced , the more he knows how to make a woman orgasms"

Observe ,watch and try to remember past events...and then come back later to your thread.

there is always golf. or competitive knitting

Most girls don't really care to know about your exs & would like to forget the past, so relationship experience doesn't REALLY matter. It just sometimes sounds odd at certian ages when you haven't experienced what most people have. People will start asking "why?" or "what's wrong?".

It helps to have a good reason. You're only 22, so pass off that school & other interests kept you from being in a relationship. That's the extent of the flak you should be getting & that will be the end of it as long as you don't come off as evasive or ashamed.