Why's she dating HIM?

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See, the only people that keep saying "there's somebody for you out there" are the folks that are already in relationships (or otherwise not looking for one), which makes me wonder if they're just throwing pity at me (which, despite my apparent vibe I give off, I do not need)... The other forced singles out there don't parrot that line, since like me they understand what it's like to be forced into singlehood...

I dunno...............MAYBE BECAUSE IT'S TRUE????????????????????????

Sorry, but sitting there crying over the girls you don't have isn't going to make you any more attractive to the girls you can have. So they don't seem perfect. Ask one out. That's what I did.

So what if you don't have the instant spark? Doesn't mean you can't create one!

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I do not understand pity, therefore I have no patience for it.

Not in my observations...


To be honest, it's the girls that don't seem perfect that I tend to go for (the ones that seem perfect also seem fake)... either way, this group of women (often fairly nerdy in appearance) tends to not like me as well... although they're more willing to give me a chance at first, they eventually revert to form and stop liking me at all...


I would love to be able to force myself to become attracted, but I've never been able to successfully do that...


Don't worry about it. I did say I don't need pity, as much as I may sound like I'm wanting it... what I need is love, and it looks like I'm not worthy to have any...

Guess what? These things take time. Took my boyfriend 25 years to find me. I have known people to take 30 years. Just because you can't find someone NOW doesn't mean there aren't people out there



Well, take the opportunity to self-improve. Girls are hopeless at giving feedback (I don't think they like doing it to tell you the truth........), but if you have a counsellor or a good friend who is willing to help you, why not? Not only will it improve your standing with girls, but other social endeavers and even work! I know that us with AS aren't the best at learning how to act in social situations, but we can learn (of course, has anyone learnt how to NOT have a meltdown half-way through a ball?).

Also, where are you looking for girls?



Casual dating is exactly that, casual. If there is no spark, it's just two friends going out. Friends are good you know! Friends can connect you!



Yes, you do need love alright. SELF-LOVE. If you really love yourself, you don't need someone else to do it for you, and THAT, my good sir, is very VERY attractive. Self-love makes you a lot more resistant to rejection "Meh, stuff her, I love me, and I always will!" (Doesn't that sound romantic? LOL).

Most social endeavors come fairly easy to me (the only other thing I have difficulty with is job interviews), or at least easily enough that I can function...


I look wherever I am involved socially... at school, theater groups, at church... although my church has a distinct lack of college-age people, and most churches that I've seen that do have young adults in plentiful supply tend to be rather fundamentalist... Either way, since it's hard for me to develop an attraction quickly, I use other social activities to get to know a woman, and then eventually I get to know her enough that an attraction does develop...


See, I have a problem calling that "dating"... two friends going out is, well, two friends going out... if I'm doing something with a woman that I would do just as easily with a man, I can't call it a date... Maybe going out with a female friend is something that can lead to a date, but it just doesn't qualify as a date in and of itself...

I used to love myself, then people started hating me because I ended up being self-absorbed all the time... Knowing how I get carried away with a lot of things, I can't just love myself without some external validation...

^Maybe you always end up getting yourself thrown into the "friend zone", and then the girl doesn't think you're interested in a real relationship, so then she becomes disinterested. You say you're not interested in sex, and most girls/people are, so maybe that's another reason they don't stick aound for too long? I guess you're just going to have to learn how to flirt a little if you're going to increase your odds. And if you're looking for a girl who isn't into flirting or sex, that's another thing that decreases your odds. Like was mentioned above, it's just a metter of time. Problem is, you're looking for a minority. That's likely the reason you haven't found someone yet. And then there's always the luck factor......

Firstly, as unfair as it seems now, you also have to consider that she's dating who SHE wants to date. You know what would be really unfair..? If you controlled who other people dated. THAT would be unfair.

That may seem harsh, but you have to realize that IF she's happy with this guy, it's NOT something you can interfere with. Be a prescence if you like, be friendly, funny, attractive. But obviously don't try to get her to cheat. If she likes you more, chances are she'll date you. If she doesn't, well then, she won't. If she's unhappy with him, be understanding and give her advice for the right thing to do for HER (NOT the right thing to do for you.)

Sadly, not everyone we like will like us back. Though pleasantly, it's not always because of a flaw in how we treat them. Attraction just works like that. Try not to blame it on yourself, or let it affect your self-esteem. And above all, don't sit there moping because the girl didn't like you.. you can't change what's happened, and dwelling on the past will only serve to make you feel like crap all the time, which will in turn make you significantly worse with girls (believe me on this one.)

Maybe she'll break up with him, maybe not.. be a presence 'til then if you like her, but remember there are plenty of fish in the sea.

And I assure you, it helps to play a little hard to get.