Gay and AS...

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Hello,

I could not find a way to search this forum, but wanted to open a dialogue with any other gay AS people there may be here.

Is this relatively rare in our community? (being gay and AS)

How do you cope/benefit with dating NT's?

Was your coming out process or life path helped or hindered by your orientation and AS?

I have found my community to be welcoming and supportive, but that may be more due to the fact that they like me? Unsure there of their motives...

I welcome thoughts, questions, answers and concerns.

Thanks,

Butch

To my knowledge the ratio of gay people, bi people and straight people among Aspies is about the same as the NT ratio, I don't know for sure though coz I'm straight.

I would guess that because many on the spectrum seem to have difficulty in relationships, being gay or bi is a bit harder on someone on the spectrum due to the social cue difficulty. I would also guess that the relationship indicators are more subtle with gay and bi individuals, so making the things that are difficult relationshipwise more difficult. If my guesses are wrong please correct me.

I think those are valid points. I have found that my direct and literal speak helps me get past the barriers of the subtle nuance that many rely on in the LGBT community.

Since I do not "present" as a gay guy, I have found direct communication to be an asset. "Do you date guys?" is always a good question I use. Though, my size and military bearing may in some ways mitigate the hostility this may provoke in people.

Butch

I'm bisexual myself, and I tend to think the proportion of LGBT among AS folks is higher than in the general population, for a variety of reasons including that AS folks are less likely to be responsive to social/cultural heteronormative pressure.

I also don't think that being LGBT is harder for AS because of social cue difficulty per se. Straight folks also have a tough time due to social cue difficulty. I think what makes LGBT harder for AS folks is that it's yet another label that people can use to ostracize us. "Oh, not only are you AS, you're gay!" and so forth. The social rules and "relationship indicators" aren't really more subtle than what straight people use, they're just slightly different.

Ever since coming out 8 months ago i thought about this alot. As the last poster said its like having two things people can make comments about....which is true from a heterosexual non aspier if they should choose to make comments about it.....but if you surround yourself with the right people and in the society at large it may not be as much of an issue. Now granted this could be the optomist in me speaking (which has been fighting lately with a newly formed slightly pessimistic view of the world) but when one of my fraternity brothers asked me if i was doing it (being gay) because it was easier...it all made sense. 1. gays have been ostracisized by society like aspies so they know what its like to "not fit in"....whether they choose to become more harsh and shallow because of it and reject anyone whos different (heterosexuals) let alone very different (us) is up to them. But there are a fair amount that can be compassionate and empathetic especilly older ones. 2. we don't exactly fit in with the male dominated way of getting women anyway, and hookups with same sex is much easier anyway so all it would come down to is strong relationships....which I compare with one of my best friends whos an athletic smooth talking good looking heterosexual neurotypical and can bed any woman he wants but when he looks for a serious relationship...hes unable to get one. When it comes to our ability to hook up with what we're attracted to and want, i score as well as a homosexual good looking aspie as he does with women. Sure I struggle when it comes to getting a strong relationship...but so does he. So basically we're playing at the same level even though its entirely different games. This is what convinces me that its somewhat easier.....at least for a lust type stage, which everyone in their early twenties seems to be playing with anyway

I've never been able to label myself. People are people to me. Male or female holds the same weight as blond or brunette. People come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. It would be a bit silly (and prejudice) to limit my choices. I’m sure someone can be born with a preference.. but the whole thing confuses me because I am not wired with a preference.

Maybe I'm keen for gay people but it seems to me that there's a lot of gay people on the autism spectrum. Yeah, totally agree with points mentioned above me, aspies aren't pressured to be normal. Also for some of us WP is where we can confide our secrets without being judged.