Slight overweightness...kills chances?

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If you like that kind of thing.

I am not so shallow that I'd go "ewww he's fat". I firmly believe in getting to know a person regardless of their appearance.

Physical attractiveness is way down on my priority list.

Physical attractiveness is all I see anyway, personality tends to get muddled in lies and unknowable non-verbal cues.

I don't know if it will help to say this, but there was a time when I had put on quite a bit of weight, from certain medications. It started coming off fairly easily, when I cut certain things from my diet, like gluten, wheat, refined sugar, and dairy. I have a disease called Mitochondrial Myopathy, along with Fibromyalgia, which means that I can't exercise without getting really sick. I take walks, within reason. I don't actually avoid the things listed above, just make sure that I eat healthy as much as I can. I am now only about 5 or 7 pounds from goal weight. Also, I looked into metabolic typing, and learned that I do well with an emphasis on protein and good fats, like clarified butter, olive oil, and flax seed oil. There are books out there that explain all this.

But the important thing to remember, is it is never a good idea to try and lose weight for somebody else. It should only be done for yourself.

Guys who have deluded themselves to that point are not ready for a healthy relationship, and are therefore not worth your time.

So lose the weight. It just takes some self control (don't eat so much) and some motivation to hit the gym. Big deal. You can safely drop 1.5 lbs per week. Imagine you could be a whole different person in 10 weeks or 20 weeks or whatever weight you need to drop.

To answer your question, no, being overweight does not kill the chances of finding a relationship. You'll just find someone of a similar body type, that's all.

Self esteem issues would affect this of course, but here's the thing. You are AS, right? That's why you have low self esteem. You could lose the weight and become a little hottie-hottie, and date hunks, but you'd still have low self esteem. Nothing would change. Trust me on this.

Us on the spectrum tend to project our shortcomings and use them as excuse as to why we are chronically single.

I really don't overeat. When it comes to food I usually have pretty good self control. Hell I get salads at McDonald's instead of burgers and fries. Most of my weight gain was from past instances of drinking a lot of coca cola or ginger ale (that stuff is MURDER on the waistline), and eating regular McDonald's food back when I worked there (but didn't really start gaining until the Lyme prevented me from continuing my employment, as work burned off many of those calories). The coca cola to stay awake because I hate coffee, and the ginger ale to settle a frequently upset stomach.

Trust me I know people who are truly overweight. They eat portion sizes that make me go WTF AND they neurotically 'clean their plate' on top of that.

I'm not one of those that dive into 'comfort food' when I'm feeling down; in fact I'm far less likely to eat something if I'm feeling depressed or anxious.

The only motivation I need to hit the gym is the removal of this intense bodywide 24/7 muscular pain caused by Lyme Disease (formerly attributed to Fibromyalgia which turned out to be a misdiagnosis). Without it, I'd actually go walking in the woods again like I used to, or go hiking. I used to bike 4km to school and back in elementary school. So until the Lyme is taken care of, I'm pretty much stuck. I am taking a 'diet' shake to reduce my caloric intake. So it's not like I'm doing nothing. I am only doing what I am able to do at the current time.


That's not necessarily a problem, however I am finding that even overweight guys are desiring only tiny skinny girls.



Well, I'm not sure how much of this is low self esteem and how much is just blatant distrust/suspicion of others. It's more a realization that I possess some 'handicaps' in the social area and not knowing what to do about it.



I know exactly why I'm chronically single. I was mistreated by every male I came across in school and thus developed a deep distrust of males. But I was never asked out anyway.

I don't desire tiny skinny girls (a good deal of those types of women are incredibly vain anyway).... What I want is a girl that actually likes me back, regardless of whether she's overweight or not (although to be 100% honest I'd prefer someone under 300 lbs), and that's just not happening...

I know exactly what you're talking about! I have the same problem, for similar reasons. Though, I've also been afraid of guys ever since I was sexually harassed when I was younger. I wonder if that's why they stay away. Perhaps they can sense it?

I don't really think it matters if you're skinny or not. Guys have different taste just like girls do, and it all depends on the person.

Yeah half the problem is people are a package deal. There's more to a person than just appearance. Unfortunately, for guys at least, there is a tendency for them to respond favorably to those who are more sexually attractive, hence the rush for the skinny girls...

I personally prefer bigger girls. There are plenty of guys who do, I think. It's just like any other trait, you have to find people that are looking for that.
As far as the person in line, you can't really know why he didn't show interest. I can honestly say that if you had done the same thing to me, you probably would have gotten even less of a response. That has nothing to do with you at all, it has to do with me and my fear of unplanned conversation. So maybe he just had similar social issues or something, you never know.

Your weight can be a problem to some, but shouldn't keep you from getting dates unless you only go for superficial model types. It's all in your head. Everyone has some kind of shortcoming, and always will. If they solve one problem, it just makes another one look bigger. Can't let this stuff get to you, as I'm sure you have enough good qualities to date anyone you want.

No, in fact , unlike the common stereotype , guys are usually more tolerant than girls when it comes to the partner's weight.

I know girls who are fat like cows ,yet they all have boyfriends, and not all of them have fat boyfriends. I knew a girl who was duper fat girl to the extent that I unfairly assumed that she doesn't have a boyfriend , I was wrong, she had a bf for over a year , a well-fit one too and they'll get married soon...

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 07 Oct 2009, 11:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

@ Shebakoby: I'm 156-158 lbs. at 6'1", and most men avoid me. Though *I* consider myself "fat," I'm not overweight by medical standards (my obsession with thinness began at around the age of 16, and is probably BDD, stemming from non-existent self-esteem, years of ferocious bullying and physical/mental abuse, being shunned by peers, and the like). Regardless, most males - unless they're of retirement age and overweight - utterly ignore me. The majority of folks in North America are overweight, though, so I don't see a bit of extra weight as a true impediment to your finding a mate...

For women, it matters alot. Yes some guys will overlook it, but taking you have two things going against you: your weight and your ASD.
235lbs is not slightly overweight for a woman who is 5'7". Your BMI is 36.8, which is obese. A normal weight range for a woman you height is 120-155 lbs. Overweight is between 160-190.
Guys don't mind when a woman is a little overweight, but when you get to obese, it presents major issues, especially for young men.

Whether you like being obese or not is another issue. I am 5'9" and 155 lbs. I actually had to intentionally gain weight because I have a surgery scheduled in December, and remembered from my previous surgical experience I dropped 15-20lbs, which made me underweight. 155 lbs for my height is in a normal weight range, but I have to remind people, I walk 3-5 miles a day, ride a bicycle regularly as well. I don't own a car and don't drive very often. I don't like going to a gym either...its not my thing. This was all a conscious effort on my part, but it has become routine.

My advice, is to get yourself out of the obese category. Overweight is fine, there are not negative health impacts from that and alot of guys like curvy women, but obese presents many long term problems. Also remember going on a diet is not the way to do it, you need to have a healthy lifestyle, which means exercise.

That seems to be an oversimplication. It's all about diet, really. And you don't even have to eat less, it is about what you eat. The exercise portion of health is drastically overrated. And BMI is a piss-poor measure of a person's health, and even worse measure of their attractiveness.
She seems to have overcome one of the main hurdles that most of us here face, and that is shyness. I know I could never just start talking to somebody while standing in line.
And would she even want a man so overly obsessed with his "stats" when she isn't? It is about finding a match, not an arbitrary ideal that others set up for you.