How do you know if your standards are too high?

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I understand what you're saying, and I'm not wholly disagreeing with you. But my lifelong, near-total lack of any positive, real-life male attention (I'm not including attention from males to whom I'm not - and never will be - attracted), and the resulting forced solitude, are part and parcel of the root *cause* of my decades-long depression. There's no energy left for me to attempt to focus on what I might want out of life, because the years of grinding loneliness and the utter lack of any affection whatsoever have done some serious damage to my outlook on life, my self-esteem, etc. Another SSRI isn't going to change anything. I've just begun therapy again, and I'll be discussing these very issues with my new shrink. If he's got any insight or practical advice, I'll definitely heed it and put it to use.

You'll get no argument there. Try being scorned, shunned, ostracized, mocked, humiliated, physically and verbally abused, called a hideous freak to your face and treated like a walking sideshow act all your life - then see if you don't also develop an "attitude."

...

I'm 6'1", in case you're not keeping score at home. I've been told time and again (I've even read effing articles stating as much!) that even tall men don't want tall women, that men will pass over a tall woman and "friend-zone" her when she's in the company of shorter, "cute" women, and that personally, I'm intimidating. What on earth do you expect me to do with that knowledge? I can't change my height - not that I would, now, anyway - so unless guys are willing to be open-minded about dating an Amazon, I'll remain alone.

On the flipside, though, NO, I'm not willing to sleep with Snow White's dwarves or Quasimodo (nor should I be expected to do so). I had a brief "thing" once with a guy who *maybe* hit 5'8", and it was very uncomfortable for both of us. Needless to say, it didn't last.

Here's something for a bit of perspective . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dt49wJYWTM

Yup, I hear you -- what you're describing would create depression in most people.

You're also creating it though, by feeding it the way you are. I know what it's like to have almost no mental energy. When that's the case, you need to do whatever you have to in order to not spend what little you have on these patterns that create and reinforce depression. It almost doesn't matter what replacement activity you pick, so long as it's better than what you're doing.

Posting over and over and over again about how you're not getting this one thing you want is spending what little you have on reinforcing your depression. Pick a replacement activity and do that instead. If you want a better replacement activity than you can come up with on your own, your therapist can help you with that.

oh, so you would never date me, since I am as tall as Quasimodo or as one of those idiot Snow White's dwarves.

I am 5'3".

I was in a 3 year relationship with someone who was exactly your height/my height. It was not an issue except for the fact that high-heels were not a good idea.

I never even thought about her height while I was pursuing her.

True, you're probably limited to guys in the 6'+ range, but they're not that uncommon.

And what's the deal with the "effing-article", you should know better...

You honestly wouldn't feel weird/odd/uncomfortable with a woman towering over you?! You'd have to stand on a footstool just to hug her. For me, it'd feel like I was being intimate with a child.

ETA: I find it quite ironic that you're upset over my lack of interest in much-shorter men - when, if you recall, you lambasted me with numerous diatribes over the course of the last month or so, on how most men aren't interested in tall women (irrespective of the men's height or country of origin), and that I might as well accept my fate and give up on the whole thing. Very interesting.

You're a rare breed of dude, then.



Not in metropolitan areas, true. Here, they're definitely uncommon.



Huh?

lol, you think that I am upset because you have no interested in me?? LOL.

Come on, I mean , even if you're pretty, you live on the other side of earth and you are way older than me. I have no interest in you either.



Yes, most men (me personally not included) , don't like women taller than them. And most women (including you) , hate guys shorter than them.

It's life, and this won't change anytime soon.

Is it me, or is it getting a bit heated here?


I think you should all have a nice cup of tea and calm down.


Currently, I appear to be only in danger of dating myself. Which sucks, as I'm definately not meeting my standards at present.

Ahhh, but see, I never said that. Actually, I've been on a grand total of two dates (blind set-ups) with guys who were taller than I am. My ex-bf and the handful of guys I've messed about with over the years have all been shorter than I am. I got over the "guy must be taller" notion years ago - if I hadn't, I'd never have had a relationship.

No offense is or ever was intended.

I'll have a nice glass of cold water, please!

OH REALLY, the anti-tea prejudices are starting now, are they?

I prefer coffee, actually - but it's far too late in the evening for that, and I have to be up early tomorrow for work. Ho-hum.

Lovely thought, though.

Reasons for the criteria:

Aspie: I sometimes have trouble reading hints, and need the straightforwardness that a non-Aspie may not provide. Also, I don't have to pretend to be some wealthy, MTV-esque superhunk.

Does not drink, smoke, or use drugs: Self-explanatory.

Lives in the SA-Austin area: I will be willing to waive this one if I feel that I might connect with someone who happens to live elsewhere.

Simpsons/South Park: People who watch these shows tend to be more open-minded, and are more likely to have higher sex drives and not worry about taboos than people who don't watch those shows.

Curves/Boobs: I mentioned earlier that I need someone who doesn't mind fetishes. This is just one of the few that I have.

Wants kids: The Bible says "Be fruitful and multiply", and also to weed out those who are asexual.

Christian: Fear of judgment by fellow Christians if I date a non-Christian.

Looking for the same: Because I feel that if a woman is not specifically seeking out someone like me, then she is just settling for me because she can't find anyone else.

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 03 Nov 2009, 12:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

fantastic response - i could not agree more

i know a girl who i like and she liked me too im pretty sure she has AS but i made one mistake all be it a very small one and she completely shunned me overnight and put all the blame on me. Her standards were impossible.... ! !! ! but me being me i tried to meet them in every way. She loves twilight now and is really into that so it appears she has vanished into fantasy land again to mask the scenario that went on with me.