My Husband MUST Be An Aspie!!

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Oh (((AmeliaJane)))! !

Thank you so much for that post! I will honestly say that although there are many times I feel that I wouldn't trade my hubby for anyone else, there are times that I could just pack up and leave!

Unfortunatley, my husband's version of AS makes him a bit aggressive, overbearing and narrow-minded; with him everything is black and white. My kids are frightened of him and when he isn't TOO loud when he's going off, they just tune him out. Me, I try to stay out of his way. But then once his mood swings the other way...he's a joy to be around.

As for my son, we've had to homeschool him because of his radical acceleration. There are a couple of colleges here in Georgia that will be willing to take him in at least two more years. That is where he seems to really excel as he has taken a few mathematics college courses before. We are monitoring his situation closely.

I've so enjoyed your posts so far. Your positive attitude is infectious.

Take care!

I was thrilled also to learn of a name to call the things I did. And finding other people who were similar was another great bonus.

It would be nice to have someone want to help and be willing to listen. When I do try to talk (which doesnt happen often) I usually dont get the response I need, or get no response at all. So I just wind up not talking at all.

I havent had to have any surgery just yet, so hopefully I can avoid that whole situation. Being cut open is not really something I want. The medications I have to take are more than enough to deal with.

Anyway, Hope all is going well
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Funny, you want someone who will be willing to listen and help...my husband has that and doesn't even want it!

I understand you not wanting to go through with any surgeries. My husband's experience has left him unable to conceive "the old fashioned way!" Let's just say that the surgeries were a little TOO evasive!!

All in all, it did END the condition! Now I'm just watching our son closely because not only did my husband's maternal side suffer from gastrointestinal problems but a cousin on his father's side also had Crohn's.

Take care dear and I'll be looking forward to speaking to you in the future.

Sounds like mine too-he can be pretty scary at times. I used to take it all personally and had a bad few years, but I learned to toughen up. I don't try to argue any more, there's no point, I just walk away same as you.

On the other hand, there isn't a nicer person in the world! He's so much fun to be with. And much more interesting than dreary NT men! It was a good day whan I realised he didn't actually have a malicious bone in his body. He is actually so nice he lets people walk all over him, and he won't say a word about it until he finally melts down and shocks everyone.

I like your positive attitude too. While I understand that some Aspies never allow anyone to get through to them, and I know how it feels to be on the point of giving up, it's good to talk to someone else who is determined to make it work.

And much more interesting than dreary NT men! It was a good day whan I realised he didn't actually have a malicious bone in his body. He is actually so nice he lets people walk all over him, and he won't say a word about it until he finally melts down and shocks everyone.

I like your positive attitude too. While I understand that some Aspies never allow anyone to get through to them, and I know how it feels to be on the point of giving up, it's good to talk to someone else who is determined to make it work.[/quote]


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Oh my! Are we talking about the SAME man or what?! Because I'm just learning what is actually the CAUSE of his behaviors, I've been venting probably a little more than I should about his scary points. But on the flip side, my hubby sounds just like yours.

He too is one of the sweetest guy in the world...a fact most people miss because of his exterior. So sweet that at times he can be quite gullible. There has been occurences when I've actually had to jump to his defense and/or protection because he missed the ulterior motives of some folk; including a nonproductive parent for which he's thanked me for later on. He has razor sharp wit and a great sense of humor that can keep me in stitches and to top it off, he is extremely loyal. There has been quite a few instances where he has chosen to remain in a faithful marriage rather than stray. A couple of those times he didn't know that I had been made aware.

These are the points that has sustained me between his mood swings. And it is THESE points that compell me to say that I wouldn't trade him for anyone else.

You know, I think you're right... maybe they were seperated at birth?

Venting is always good... there's nothing I love more than a good rant. When Les knows he's upset me he says, 'don't worry, you can have a good moan to your friends tomorrow and you'll feel better!' He also often says 'Sorry I'm me... I don't know how you put up with me!'

This is all recent though... he was very depressed & paranoid for years. He is also quite bad at reading people's motives, and has totally rejected friends after getting the wrong idea. Once he's decided what someone's motives are there's no convincing him otherwise. Now he knows about AS, though, he is aware that he has difficulty in this area and often asks me what people mean by things.

He also has a brilliant sense of humour, although I have to tell him when he's being inappropriate as he's upset people in the past and never understood why. He's a lot of fun to be with and would do anything for me (except talk about difficult issues or let me buy new furniture!! !)

I have no worries about him straying, and even if I didn't trust him (which I do), he's useless at hiding his feelings. It drives him nuts that whenever he sees an attractive female on TV I shout 'TOES!', because he wiggles them! Poor man has no secrets LOL...

His good points far outweigh his bad, and I wouldn't trade him for anyone. He's special

How long before the sun broke through and/or he got a diagnosis, AmeliaJane?

We are in the bad statge right now. Depression & even paranoia at times seem to be where hubby's at.

It is helping me a lot to be able to vent to a therapist again (was too ill for a while to go!) - this way I can tell myself my emotional needs will be (somewhat) met on Tuesday (i.e. therapy session). Ha. (Even if they are not met by HIM. For now, it's better than nothing)

I have also taken a break for a short while anyway, from trying to force any of these issues to be discussed (until after our trip at least... I can see he's apprehensive about travel, socialising and having to drive... thos are the 3 fears he mentioned when I asked why he doesn't want to go suddenly). He just short circuits anyway. I also told him (if he goes...) other than the wedding itself he does not have to do anything he doesn't want.

This is more fortitude and patience (and faith in unseen future) than I ever thought I'd be able to (or have to) have. Continuing on with no promise of things changing.

Maybe you know this feeling AmeliaJane?

How do you deal with adapting to him w/out his adapting equally to you? To not having all needs met, and having to rely mostly upon yourself despite being part of a couple? How did you make peace with those things if you have?

[quote="AmeliaJane"]

Venting is always good... there's nothing I love more than a good rant. When Les knows he's upset me he says, 'don't worry, you can have a good moan to your friends tomorrow and you'll feel better!' He also often says 'Sorry I'm me... I don't know how you put up with me!'


He also has a brilliant sense of humour, although I have to tell him when he's being inappropriate as he's upset people in the past and never understood why. He's a lot of fun to be with and would do anything for me (except talk about difficult issues or let me buy new furniture!! !)



OKAY!! Now this IS CREEPY! Steve will instruct me in a heartbeat to vent to my sister! He has already established that understanding months ago once he realized that it was literally difficult for him to sit through my venting sessions.

And his response to situations when he has unintentionally hurt someone by his response..."I'm sorry that YOU feel that way!"

He's a riot!!

May I weigh in here Popsicle because I can definitely relate?! My husband and I have been together for 13 years and spent 10 of them arguing. Now that I understand the REASONS for his taking things the wrong way; short-fuse, mood-swings, abrasiveness, emotional aloofness, etc...I understand that he has LIMITATIONS!!

What has helped me to be able to deal with the limitations are the "love deposits" (check internet for meaning) that we have both been able to make throughout the years and in-between arguments obviously. These are the things that have sustained me during the displays of the "dark" side of his personality. All the while though, he has always reaffirmed his love for me and the kids. So even though I continue to deal with his limitations (he seems to be getting better now that he has SECRETLY accepted AS), the "deposits" makes it somewhat easier.

Again, this bond took YEARS to cultivate. If you are just starting out having to deal with something of this nature WITHOUT cultivating and solidifying a bond, this can be quite difficult.

It seems as though you are truly doing the work...following a path that anyone of us would have tried.

Good luck and continue to take care of yourself FIRST!

I totally relate to this. It almost feels like he hasn't got AS at all sometimes, because I've accepted his limitations and he feels able to be himself with me. We've just absorbed the knowledge of AS and got on with life, and it feels much easier now.

You're right about cultivating a bond, our relationship is based on over 20 years of friendship. I got through the really bad times because I KNOW that the relationship is right for both of us. Knowing that didn't make the rough bits easier, but it made me more determined to figure out what the probelm was and try to fix it. Walking away was never an option.

This is him, BTW. He hasn't posted much (prefers the chatrooms) but this is his response to finding out about AS:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/asperger.htm ... ht=#198887

since my brother was diagnosed whit AS at an age of ca 9, and we got to learn about all the symptoms, we have noticed somethin very interresting: My dad must be an Aspie too!! it`s incredible how many signs he has of an AS!!

AMAZING!! It seems you truly have opened up a new world for him Amelia! Thanks for sharing his response and I'm praying for the day that my hubby will "openly" admit (and accept) who he is.

I've at least gotten him to admit that he does exhibit the traits and he is openly receptive to the information. Thank goodness for small favors yes?!

I've read somewhere that more often it is the FATHER who passes on the traits. I know that it definitely holds true in my case. Does he even entertain the thought that he (the father) too may be an Aspie?